He sticks up for himself after being shoved several times and gets suspended for three days. He doesn't, as far as I know, ever start a fight with someone.
2006-10-27 06:14:37 · 9 answers · asked by chara 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
The thing that your child needs to learn is that you don't fight fire with fire. That just puts him on the same level as the bully.
I would go to the school if it were me, and ask why is it that your son is being pushed around, and why is it being tolerated? The reason he was suspended is because the school system is trying to teach the children that violence is wrong, no matter what the circumstances are. This is a great lesson, so long as the other kid is getting taught too.
If it seems the bully is quite free to behave violently towards other children, there is a problem. I would demand that the school take action with the bully, and perhaps suspend him as well. If that doesn't solve the problem, your only other option for resolving this would be to go to the kids parents yourself. Talk to them with a genuine willingness to help. If they are the type of parents who will understand and take appropriate steps to change their childs behaviour, you are very lucky. More likely than not, they've got their own problems to deal with which is why their child acts out in the first place. In which case perhaps removing your child from that school is in order.
I know it really shouldn't have to be an option, but with schools afraid of diciplining their students, what other course of action is there? It's really about what's best for your son, and being in a school that doesn't care about him isn't where he needs to be.
This is a problem of the times. It really isn't fair and I sincerely hope you and your son get through it.
Oh, and one more thing. Be sure your son isn't starting fights. Spy on him in the schoolyard if you have to. Kids do lie you know. Even our own!
2006-10-27 06:34:11 · answer #1 · answered by Nikki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is a catch 22. As a parent, you have to be willing to support your kid in the situation that he gets suspended for standing up for himself.
First of all, you need to teach your kids that fighting is a last resort. Teach him that adults don't fight to solve their differences. They talk things out. Fighting is something that kids do that is wrong. But if you are hit, it's okay to defend yourself. Let him know that you will support him if that is something that he felt he had no other option.
I would get your kid into some sort of self defense class or program. Whether it be martial arts or boxing. Both will help him learn some moves for defending himself and help him increase his self esteem and gain confidence in himself. Plus they help you get in excellent physical shape. There are no other sports that get you in total physical shape as well as boxing. And don't look for a boxing program that is at an arobics studio or chain gym. Look for one like Rocky started out in where they actually spar and throw and receive punches.
I was bullied when I kid and let me tell you that it's a really traumatic experience. You are afraid of fighting back because you will get in trouble with the school. Everytime you are hit or your books knocked out of your arms, kids laugh and you feel a little smaller. You go to extremes to avoid being seen by the bully on your way too and from school. You try to avoid them during the lunch hour and eat off by yourself.
The only way this bully is going to stop bothering your kid is if he knows your kid will fight back. If your kid gets a good punch in and gives him a bloody nose or gives him a run for his money, he will eventually back off and find somebody else to pick on. It might take a couple of fights and it might take your kid getting a suspension, but he needs to get this guy off of his back or the experience is going to haunt him for a long time.
Schools are stupid. They don't try to figure out what the problem is and solve it. They just suspend. If you try to step in and ask them to do something about the kid, they won't.
2006-10-27 06:28:31 · answer #2 · answered by BAM 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to the bully's house and beat the crap out of his parents! Then tell them there's more where that came from if their kid ever causes your kid any kind of trouble ever again.
Or have the principal arrange a meeting between your family and the bully's family at school where the principal tells everyone to knock it off.
And if that doesn't work, get a restraining order. And if that doesn't work, sue the parents for everything you can get your hands on.
My daughter was very briefly harassed by a boy and his girl cousins. I went straight to their house and politely explained to the father what was taking place. Never a problem after that; the boy was very polite and respectful to me and my daughter after.
2006-10-27 06:28:14 · answer #3 · answered by OU812 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs your support. If he gets suspended let him know he did nothing wrong for sticking up for himself. Teach him to defend himself. For example, when the other kid approaches him don't shove like a little girl, one quick jab to the nose, hard enough to make it bleed but not enough to break it. The kid will never bother him again, actually no one else will. But stand behind him when he is disciplined by the school. If he doesn't stand up for himself now then he will either become too passive as an adult or too agressive to compensate. He needs to become assertive.
2006-10-27 06:18:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is a catch 22, and part of the reason I have chosen to homeschool, as I don't want them taught that kind of thing. If thats not an option you might look into switching schools if thats available where you live.
2006-10-27 06:17:10 · answer #5 · answered by lovesmikey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him it is okay to walk away from a fight,but sometimes we have to fight dirty when they are bullies who are bigger,and stronger.I fought in school by standing up for myself the first time anyone pushed me.I used intimidating words like"Go ahead,keep pushing me and find out what happens" and that mostly let them know I was not afraid of them.Sometimes words speak louder than actions! Once he hits a bully one time,the bully will back away in fear of his opponent actually doing what he threatened to do!
2006-10-27 06:20:14 · answer #6 · answered by gibbyguys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is a catch 22. i have a five year old and i don't want her to fight but i have to teach her to stand up for herself.
2006-10-27 06:25:35 · answer #7 · answered by alexxis008 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
(check my bullying site, its my profile name)
2006-10-31 01:14:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
two words.... KARATE CLASS
2006-10-27 06:20:47 · answer #9 · answered by michael f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋