My neice is addicted to pot and cocaine (so far as I know), has absolutely no motivation, will not attend school and is beyond lazy! She is 17 years old. I don't know how to help this girl. I have tried confronting, she is not living in my home at the moment as I do not condone her behaviour! I have given her options like going for treatment, etc...but she refuses! What is my next step! I am at a loss. Any advice would be helpful because I really have no other experience with this kind of thing to fall back on! Thank you for taking time to help me and help my neice! ;-)
2006-10-27 05:44:00 · 20 answers · asked by evieluvsu 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Some more details for you all. She does not get money from me or her Mom. She is getting her drugs from her boyfriend from what I understand. I realize she has to WANT the help but i feel like my hands are tied. She is flushing her life down the toilet. I can't just stand back and watch her do this to herself. It is not like she is not loved. We love her dearly. We don't yell at her, we give her structure, discipline and a stern tongue sometimes. She is just very disrespectful to our house rules...example, coming in for curfew, no drugs, go to school...that kind of thing. We do not walk on egg shells around her by all means, but we feel like we are at a loss with her! It is killing me to watch her kill herself and any chance at a future! There has got to be something we can do. We live in Canada so we can't commit her to treatment unless she does it! She can't be put in against her will! I think that is unfortunate! Thanks again!
2006-10-27 05:53:40 · update #1
That is a tough one.
Now pot is not actually addictive, but cocaine most definately is. Bad stuff that white powder. If she is 17 and "beyond lazy", I am assuming she has no job. Cocaine is not cheap, and there is really only three ways for a young girl with no job to pay for it. One way is theft, one would be selling it, and the other means of payment does not involve money... Or clothes.
If she has no wish to change her lifestyle, which I am sure she does not (Her path leads to self destruction, but the early stages are quite fun) there is not much you can do without getting your hands dirty.
She will not listen to reason, so the only real option I see is forcing reality to come crashing in. In your situation, I would seriously consider turning her in to the authorities. While under normal circumstances I would consider dropping a dime on someone to be unthinkable (I'm Italian, we prefer to handle out own business and leave others to theirs), making sure she is caught by the cops with cocaine in her possession is probably the best shot she has.
A felony on her record is better than a record of her death, ya know? You would have to do some SERIOUS work on this though. If you happen to know any cops personally, talk to them about it. The timing will have to be precise. If she just has pot on her, most places will just give her a ticket for it. It is a mainstream and mostly harmless drug with mostly harmless consequences.
Then I would make sure a female cop is present at the arrest. A male cop cannot search a woman, so if she stuffs the cocaine in her panties with nothing but male cops and she gets off scott free.
To do it right you would need some inside info from her friends, or a private detective.
Now, this is certainly an "Outside of the box" idea, but your only other real options are to step back and hope for the best.
Honestly, I know people who dealt and did heavy drugs in high school and honestly, half are gutter trash today and the other half are hardworking and educated professionals with stable families. You never know how the story will end. So either stand back and read or write it yourself.
2006-10-27 06:09:30 · answer #1 · answered by Ace Morningstar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from personal experience, you're doing exactly what you should be... letting her know that you care while still maintaining very firm boundaries. Don't force her into treatment because adolescent treatment centers tend to not be very helpful, all that is learned from them is that you have to say what they want you to say and do what they want in order to get out of there, it isn't about learning to stay sober, it's about getting free! It takes on average 7 times in rehab before it sinks in... the best treatment is a hard life lesson... for me it was having my good friend die and going to prison. It may be hard but the best thing to do is let her learn for herself and once her and her boyfriend break up it'll be harder for her to get things for herself, she'll get desperate and either she'll sink in deeper or she'll give up and come home. Just be patient and let her addiction run it's course and when she's ready to turn her life back around, be there with warm and open arms. Good Luck!
2006-10-27 06:07:11 · answer #2 · answered by Mel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of u did right to kick her for not listenin to u. Second she will be 18 soon so u want have no problem wit that cause she will be an yung adult. I know u lov her but since she is still just 17. u can call the cops to pick her up where she is at and have here do comuntiy service to at least keep from gettin any drugs.They will probably last just a little while. GOOD LUCK!!!
2006-10-27 05:54:31 · answer #3 · answered by Baby G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. But hang in there.
Sometimes tough love is the answer.
Two things you absolutely must do:
1) Get the entire family together and agree on your tactics.
2) Get professional help in on this - as well as soon as possible.
It sounds really rough, but when you head for trouble like this, sometimes rock bottom is the only way to recover. Even at 17.
The earlier this happens the better (youth is resilient - I promise).
2006-10-27 05:49:57 · answer #4 · answered by Oh, I see 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but my opinion is that you can never help a drug addict. But you never know. Tell him if he doesn't get off, you'll never talk to him ever again. Maybe that will shake something into him.
2016-05-22 00:56:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, don't back her into a corner cause she will only deny it. But talk to her first about the problem and let her know that she can open up to you about the problem. She has to have trust first or there won't be anything that you can do to help her. Remind her that you love her and you will do anything you can do to help her. As far as the boyfriend is concerned, I think you should try to convince your niece that she needs to file a complaint against him because it sounds like he IS the drug dealer. Whatever you do, don't push her away cause then, she will hit rock bottom.
2006-10-27 06:12:47 · answer #6 · answered by frakmomma04 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know it is heartbreaking and very stressful but like you said until she wants it no one or anything is going to change her she probably doesnt even love this boyfriend she loves what he can get for her when a person becomes addicted to drugs the drugs become their true love in life and until they reach a bottom in their life and have had enough to leave that love forever there is nothing that can be done except pray for her to keep her as safe as possible i lost a son last month who has brothers and sisters that are addicted that did not even stop them i worry about them and pray for them i wish there was a way to make it stop but it is all up to them sometimes a persons bottom is their own death and that is the only way they will stop please do not try to force her to get help that just makes her want to do it more to prove to you that she is in charge she will protect her true love [drugs] above everything else please be strong and say alot of prayers but dont let it destroy your life i will be thinking of you i am a recovered alcoholic for 7+ yrs and my husband for almost 10 yrs just have hope you can go to al-anon meetings or read books about it this will help you to cope better try to have a good weekend
2006-10-27 07:19:28 · answer #7 · answered by angel afraid and sad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i've been in that situation.
got caught doing drugs back when i was 16 with some druggie friends. so, my parents dragged me into the house. i sat on the couch and just sat there. then my older brother came in and gave me a long talk how he was addicted to drugs and how it messed up his life so badly. that hit me and i realized after that, that i need to stop. or else i wasn't gonna get anywhere in life.
tell your niece that drugs is not the answer. i found that out the hard way.
2006-10-27 05:51:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a brother who is a recovering alcoholic and drug user...YOU CAN'T HELP THEM...UNTIL THEY WANT THE HELP!! Unfortunately, she'll have to hit rock bottom before she'll actually ASK!!! But you can NOT give her money, not allow her to stay with you...TOUGH LOVE!! If she stays with you...she may steal...Even though it's NOT how she was raised! My brother was BAD!! He checked into rehab himself...after costing my father's company hundreds of thousands of dollars...He showed up at a work site...drunk and stoned. We would ask him to stop...I'll try...NOPE!! He had to WANT the help...but my parents helped him...while he still lived at home..he'd steal from all of us, and then claim he'd pay us back...He was just 20 yrs old when he checked himself into a clinic...he's been clean and sober since and he's now 39 yrs old! Just remember she will PROMISE you everything to borrow money if she has none..Just be there...but be TOUGH!! GOOD LUCK!!
2006-10-27 05:51:14 · answer #9 · answered by just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something Specially
For You
I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all.
By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra
2006-10-27 06:04:19 · answer #10 · answered by Cobra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋