My boyfriend and I are in our late 20's. We've been together for two years. We've had our own place, and his parents have visited for weeks at a time, seeing us share a home and bedroom. We're going to visit them for the first time, and they are making us sleep in separate bedrooms because we aren't married.
I feel that they're pulling the, 'our house, our rules' line as though we are children who must have rules enforced to show us who is boss in whose house, and this makes me very uncomfortable as I have been a self-sufficent adult for a very long time now.
My bf just caves.
We can't afford a hotel nearby, so I am thinking that I will not go visit this time, and send my bf on his own.
Any other adult suggestions for how to react?
2006-10-27 05:34:49 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sneaking around is not a mature answer- that kinda flies in the face of the supposed reason for the issue, but thanks.
I am not of their religion (they aren't devout, but they're good people). This is not a cultural divide- it isn't Rome. When we are together they treat me as a thinking, responsible adult.
My issues with this are the hypocrisy as well as that I am NOT a child to be dictated to in this way. I don't want to disrespect them, but I also don't want to pretend that our life is not what it is.
2006-10-27 06:03:47 · update #1
Just honor your mother, and fathers wishes, it's what for a few days, why fight it, it is there house, and there are house rules, When in Rome, do as the Romans do.
2006-10-27 05:39:11 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely nothing wrong with respecting their wishes in their home. They obviously have their beliefs which are very different from your own. I faced a similar situation. I waited patiently and it took several trips home before Mom said it was okay for us to share a room. Give them time to get more comfortable. It's possible they will never be comfortable with the two of you not being married. Good luck!
2006-10-27 06:06:31 · answer #2 · answered by Help Me Please 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No matter the age of the child a parent will always be that, a parent. I believe in following a hosts wishes in their home even if they are or are not parents.
I think that any option other than going (both of you) and abiding by their wishes is disrespectful. I personally think they are being silly but.....is it worth damaging relationships over. And any issue to be raised should be made by your boyfriend, not you.
2006-10-27 06:33:41 · answer #3 · answered by MUD 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it is hard to accept but as parent and being it is there home they have the right. You will survive whatever amount of time you will be there but you should respect there choice as they is what they believe it right.
It may not be to show whose boss but if they are Christian then it is what God asks of them.
Today is a different day in time but this is the way they feel. Good Luck
2006-10-27 05:42:32 · answer #4 · answered by lpdecca 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you said that they treat you as an adult and except yours and his life style when they visit you, so why not talk to them as an adult and tell them how you feel? saying that you are not going to go because you don't like the rules they have set for their own home is childish on your part. i know that you are an adult and older people are set in their ways. more than likely they don't like the fact that you and their son live together with out being married, but they respect what you do in your home, so the least you could do is respect what goes on in theirs.
2006-10-27 14:43:59 · answer #5 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just an idea but if they're being jerks about it, why don't you rent a hotel room instead? Then you don't have to live by their rules and you can come and go as you please.
That's what my fiance and I did when we saw each other (long distance relationship) and will probably continue to do when we see each other even though we're now married.
It just eliminates alot of problems, even if it does cost money.
2006-10-27 07:05:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just suck it up and respect their rules and hospitality! Not everyone has the same opinions on living together and it doesn't mean they have to change their minds because you have a different opinion. They are not telling you that you are not allowed to live together and they are respecting your opinions and lifestyle.
My parents would have said the same thing when my husband and I were dating. But they wouldn't lecture me about living with him before marriage.
If you don't like it, you don't have to be there or instead find alternative resources. I would have an issue if I was MARRIED and my parents tried that, then there would be an issue. It's not like they are asking you to do something illegal or something.
2006-10-27 05:41:39 · answer #7 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Respect their wishes and sleep in separate bedrooms. Is it really that difficult of a thing for you to do? Do you plan on marrying this person? Having children with them? I would think that you would want to respect his parents wishes now, so that when you have kids and they come to visit you......you can ask that they respect your wishes when it comes to the rearing of your children.
And I realize that you are adults, however he is still their "child".
2006-10-27 06:15:50 · answer #8 · answered by aka Astra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say if it is that important for you to sleep together you should stay in a motel. Just find a way to cut back to save enough money to do that. That way you get to visit without feeling strange about it.
2006-10-27 07:00:22 · answer #9 · answered by Racewalking Invicta Swami 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a parent. I would expect my son or daughter to accept my rules or not come. I was going to suggest you find a motel, but you said you can't afford it. So you either go for your visit and abide by their rules or don't go. That simple.
2006-10-27 06:00:12 · answer #10 · answered by ASTORROSE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋