Im 21 and I want to be married and have kids NOW! In my opinion this is the only thing worth living for. My boyfriend thinks he’s too young to get married ( and he is, 21) but I am ready and I want to marry him. Is this normal? I get so jealous whenever someone tells me they are getting married or are going to have a baby! This cant be normal. HELP ME!
2006-10-27 05:04:59 · 22 answers · asked by bar22bie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
thanks you guys. its nice to know im not the only one in the sinking boat. both my boyfriend and i are working, so we have the money,dont get me wrong, he is graduating in december and going to work full time. we live together so bascially its like we're married, but not legally and with no children. this honestly comsumes my every thought ( which is why im talking about it now)
2006-10-27 05:39:21 · update #1
you are all telling me to act my age.... i dont enjoy going to bars and clubs. im at work and when im not at work im in school. i come home and i enjoy cooking dinner and cleaning. if i want a drink, i mix one myself at home. im usually in bed by 10. this is what i like, is that wrong?
2006-10-27 06:21:49 · update #2
It's normal to feel a pang of jealousy when a friend tells you they are getting hitched and you aren't (especially if you want to). But look at the reasons for you wanting to get married. You said you think "its' the only thing worth living for." How so? Do you not have a happy job? A family life? Etc? It seems to me you want it for all the wrong reasons. You need to find out what makes you happy first before you start nagging your man about marriage. Hang in there as I am SURE it will happen for you!
2006-10-27 05:08:06 · answer #1 · answered by Mimi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps it's what you've always wanted. Be warned - generally people have a long time to live. If you have kids now, they'll be gone by the time your 40. Additionally, 21 is pretty mature, but consider that it takes quite a long time to find yourself - typically until your around 26/27. Also, if you push to hard, people tend to think your not listening and you end up pushing them away. There is no right or wrong in life so go with the flow - However, this flow requires another person to agree to very big life commitments.
2006-10-27 05:52:58 · answer #2 · answered by interested_party 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh, I am going through the same thing. I know I am ready, I know I am mature enough, but I also know I have obstacles until I can be sure that it's the right time. I am so obsessed with reading things on the knot, bridal magazines. I am not forcing my boyfriend for a ring though. In the back of his mind, he probably doesnt think he's too young, he just wants to make sure everything is settled before marriage. He probably looks at it as having a life established, being out of school, having a steady job so you can be financially stable. That way you dont have worries, and your married life will be pleasant. I know my boyfriend said we are too young, but he told me what he meant, and he is just trying to make sure we have everything before we tie the knot. Until then Im sure I will still be dreaming about it. And in the meantime he is trying to secure our lives and make everything good before proposal, etc. Hang in there, it's tough knowing others are getting engaged and pregnant, I feel the same way. I want to be in that position, but at the same time, being financially stable with a home and funds is also reassuring, and you will probably be far better off than them (who are possibly not even stable with school yet) and you can sit back and enjoy babies and married life. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you, hopefully soon and when everything is settled and carefree. :) Believe m,e, I know where you are coming from. :)
2006-10-27 05:13:13 · answer #3 · answered by overwhelmed85 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're experiencing the age old "Why buy the cow when the milk is flowing for free?" situation. Your boyfriend's got a pretty sweet deal going there. Why would he want to change it?
If you're really ready for marriage and children, look for older guys. Men who are established in their careers, have the means to buy you a home and feel mature enough to start a family are going to be a better match for you than the youngster you're with now.
If you're certain this is what you want, give the boyfriend an ultimatum. Either we stop "playing house" and get serious, or I'm looking for someone new. You've got to follow your heart or you'll never be happy.
Just my two cents...
2006-10-28 07:36:27 · answer #4 · answered by Kya Rose 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. I would do anything to marry my boyfriend tomorrow. we're young...we're both 19 ((hes almost 20)) and we've been together for almost two years. before him i was with a guy for three years and this is different. i know that im going to marry him, theres no doubt, but we're both in school, living with our parents, and the moneys just not there. im totally obsessed too. every day its all i think about. i keep saying that we'll be together someday, but every day i wish that someday was tomorrow.
a lot of people thing that 19-20 is too young but thats not always true. when my parents got married, my mom was 17 and my dad 21, they had me when she was 19, had my brother when she was 21, and just celebrated their 20th anniversary. for some people, it is too young, for others, its just right. for me its no issue of age. i can have a blast and not miss anything if i married Sean, but the issue is all money.
i dont have any advice for you, i wish i did!
2006-10-27 05:32:25 · answer #5 · answered by supernelly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, um...this is a phase and you'll get through it. I've been there before. It's when you start to feel your internal clock ticking. We all have them and at times, it's very hard to quiet down. BUT, you are WAY TO YOUNG and what's worse, your boyfriend is no where ready! Here's what it takes to raise a baby: MONEY- It costs an average of about $100,000 a year to feed, dress, etc.. a child. TIME-This will take everything you've got and then some. SECURITY-Do you have a good job? Does your BF?
Look, this isn't about you and your wants. This is about bringing a LIFE into the world that you're probably not ready to deal with. Give yourself at least 5 more years. If you still feel this way, knock yourself out!
2006-10-27 05:09:55 · answer #6 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know exactly how you feel! That's why I got married at 19 and having a baby at 20.
ADDITION:
I can't believe people are being so harsh about your age. I also never enjoyed parting or drinking. I work, make dinner, clean house, watch football, camp, travel, play sports, I love my life. I got married at 19 and have absolutely no regrets. I want to be a mommy and take care of my husband. Some people just want that in life, some don't. I want to dedicate my life to raising my babies. I believe that my kids will not hold me down. I want to share my life with them. Who says you can't travel with a baby? I'm with you all the way.
2006-10-27 05:17:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing "wrong" with it, it's just unusual. Maybe it's just the wedding you want, not the marriage.
However, since you are living with the dude, expect a very long wait before he asks you to marry him. You should be looking at some of the questions and answers on this site, because lots of young girls like you have gotten in your situation, and then "can't figure out" why the guy doesn't propose. Go figure...
2006-10-27 07:48:50 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the bible it gives a checklist of things that you should go over before marriage. It's not something that you should just jump into. You should prepare and calculate first. "Constructing a building requires careful preparation. Before the foundation is laid, land must be acquired and plans drawn up." In Luke 14: 28 Jesus said,"Who of you that wants to build a tower does not first sit down and calculate the expense, to see if he has enough to complete it?" So wanting to get married you need to have a realistic view of both the blessings and the costs of being married." Your massive desire to hurry and get married could also be your conscience telling you that your living in sin and you want to fix it.
2006-10-27 08:44:56 · answer #9 · answered by mo92376 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting married isn't as easy as you think it is, you have to find the right person to be married to. And you have to know that you're able to spend the rest of your life with the person you want to be married to, there shouldn't be any doubts in wanting to get married, so before you rushed into getting married, you have to think about it, whether you're ready for the commitment or not, marriage isn't just about raising kids, you have to also be financially stable. I got married at 21 and only been married for almost 5 months, and it's hard work. So you have to think before you make the decision.
And do you know if you're boyfriend is "the one"? if not then don't rush. I know the moment I started dating my husband that he was "the one" who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
2006-10-27 05:09:25 · answer #10 · answered by superboredom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋