has been talking about suicide,again,wedding is next month and he hasn't even let us know if he can come, we are willing to rent his tux etc., give him gas $, did i mention he is almost 50???? I am so sick of him i just want to say stay away, my hub to be is fine, infact more than fine with that, i am sick of him, he is not what i call best man material...should we just tell him to stay home?...we have been supporting him $ for way too long, it never stops and now all he is doing is making us think more about him than the day we have planned for over 2 years, is it okay to tell him to stay home?
2006-10-27 05:03:33 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Yes, you should stop supporting him and tell him to stay away.
He might have some mental issues so he needs to seek professional help but you can't continue to enable his actions.
Tell him to stay put -- you both deserve someone that is going to stand with you on your wedding day and support you, not vice versa.
-EZ
2006-10-27 06:20:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all this man is crying out to you for help by mentioning suicide. You sound so self-absorbed in wedding plans that you cannot see his pain. That's fine if you want him to stay away, but then why did you ask him to be your Best Man if you were already sick of him and knowing all about his finacial situation? Did you ever think that you offering to pay just adds to his embarrassment about his life? His Brother should stand by him or if he has truly had enough of him then cut him out of his life but don't be crying when something happens to him. Hard to believe that you didn't have a clue after planning for 2 years!! Did you ever think he may not have wanted to be in the Weddding in the first place and just what the heck do you mean "Best Man Material"? Since you are such a good judge of character, take another look at your future brother-in-law and be preparred for what's in store after you get married to his brother..this could cause a lot of family problems down the road. Hope he gets help, if not from his brother or you from someone who will care. I don't even know him but I care.
2006-10-27 06:20:25 · answer #2 · answered by MiMi 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Have a second best-man ready as a just-incase. Then just send out the invitations, let him know when and where to show up and do his part. Leave the rest up to him -- if he gets his shiit together then gerat, if not then you are prepared.
As for telling him not to come or to stay out of your life, I wouldn't go that far. Part of his depression probably consists of trying to get reactions out of people -- even if they're negative reactions. Instead make it seem like the wedding is going ahead with or without him and its up to him whether or not he wants to do his part. After all, the wedding is going ahead and the two of you ill be happy.
So minimize your troubles, his troubles, and simply go through the motions as you would with everyone else. Have a reliable back-up.
Also, don't forget that even though your fiance might be prepared to ditch him, it is his brother and he may feel pressure from you and doesn't want to say so. So try not to put him in that situation. The plan I recommend above probably would take care of that beautifully.
2006-10-27 05:10:53 · answer #3 · answered by Andy J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh goodness. Should this not be the happiest time of your life??? Ditch the loser and have your man pick someone else. Isn't there someone else more reliable?? I wouldn't give in to this persons whims any longer. If you are going to have a successful relationship, you need to cut ties quick! If he is talking suicide at a time that should be your shining moment, then you need to realize that this person thinks that all attention should be on him. Let your man know that you realize that it is his brother but that in having him around will ruin the ONE day that should be magical for you. If he loves you, he will see to it that nothing stands in the way of that. Just try not to sound hateful when you talk about it. You could put him on the defensive and that wouldn't be good. Good luck! I truly hope that your wedding goes well!
2006-10-27 05:10:43 · answer #4 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He sounds mentally ill ..or maybe he has a drug or alcohol problem? Invite him to the wedding, even be kind enough to send gas money, but this is your big day. Do NOT have him as best man. Hub must have a friend who'd be a better choice. And quit giving the brother money. You are not doing him any favors, only enabling him. Good luck!
2006-10-27 05:07:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would advise him that you are getting another best man as he is not well enough to attend, and he is not physically mentally, nor financially in a position to come, as well tell him now that you guys are getting married your finances will be overburdened if he needs assistance so no more will be forth coming, as of right now. Do not allow this person to be the drama queen on your wedding day
2006-10-27 05:37:13 · answer #6 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell him to stay home, especially if he is suicidal. He needs you guys it sounds like. Pay for the tux. Ask him if he would rather not be in the wedding party but maybe just a guest, or usher. Good Luck
2006-10-27 05:07:12 · answer #7 · answered by Happy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The only one who can say that is your boyfriend! But you can say may be it is time to cut the apron strings. Your brother is a man, and he needs to stand on his own too feet, you have to let him grow up and be a man. and he is never going to do it, if you keep bailing him out! May be it is time to start to look for another best man. And he needs to tell his brother, that you have been putting me about for too long, at this late stage of my marriage date, it seems as if I have to find a best man, I wanted you to stand up with me, at first I said I would pay for your things, and still you, can't give me, any definite answer. So just forget it! Tell him to have a nice life, and that he can't help him anymore!
2006-10-27 05:15:11 · answer #8 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A Brother is a Brother. He will be at your wedding. Rent him the tux. Give him the gas $$$ and hope he shows. Don't be so selfish.
2006-10-27 10:49:34 · answer #9 · answered by ee 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Rather than completely elimanting him from your wedding day, your fiance should tell him that since being best man seems to be too much for him right now that he is relieving him of that job. Instead, have him be an usher - (a job that won't ruin your day if he doesn't show up) and to offer a toast during your reception.
2006-10-27 05:12:51 · answer #10 · answered by neona807 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋