I have had 3 miscarriages and one normal pregnancy. My little girl is 6 months old and i believe that I just miscarried twins. It has broken my heart. My husband said that it was just a tissue mass and not a baby yet. I believe that a baby is a baby from the moment of conception. He just doesn't understand. I know he was trying to make me feel better by trying to make it see like a less of a loss. However he was dwelling on it because he kept saying the same thing all night. I just feel so down. I dont know how to get over another one. I am grateful for the daughter I have, don't get me wrong, but this just hurts so badly. Just the loss of life hurts. We love children. He also says something about a spirit not being ready to enter the world. What do I do?
2006-10-27 04:51:01 · 7 answers · asked by grimmy19812000 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Don't expect your partner to grieve in the same way. If your partner doesn't seem to be affected by the loss as deeply as you are, understand that men and women grieve differently. While women tend to express their feelings and look for support from others, men tend to hold their feelings inside and deal with loss on their own. Likewise, men often feel they need to take care of their partners by remaining strong. So don't misread his stoicism as not caring about you or your loss and don't judge yourself for not coping as well as he does. Share your feelings and your needs with your partner but give each other the freedom to experience the loss in your own way.
2006-10-27 04:58:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Husbands handle it differently to women as we bond with our babies as soon as we find we are pregnant and yes I agree with you that they are babies from the moment of conception. He probably is just trying to make you feel better, men have a funny way of trying to help and he is hurting too. I had 3 miscarriages and a stillborn baby and it was incredibly painful and not something that you will ever get over, although it Will get better. You both have to grieve. Why not try an on line group for baby loss. I have joined a few and find them a wonderful help as all the women are caring and understand. Talking to other women in a similar position as you will make you feel a lot better.
2006-10-27 12:57:17 · answer #2 · answered by cino_bean 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seeing as he was dwelling on it there is a very good chance that it bothers him more than he would admit. Realize that being a man there is no way he can understand the bond that develops between a mother and her unborn child, no matter how long the pregnancy lasted. I've had many miscarriages and only have one daughter myself. My Husband doesn't understand but I do ask that he validate my feelings and at least understand that I am hurting. That's all you can ask. Maybe adoption or being a foster family is an option for you rather than trying naturally again. You're in my prayers.
2006-10-27 04:58:24 · answer #3 · answered by adearman2226 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So sorry for your loss! I can only imagine how it feels. my sis had a miscarriage about three years ago,and still thinks about it! The truth is men are so different form woman that they don't see things as we do. Mu husband is the same way, I was crying a while back about some issues that my 7 year old was having with her father ans he's like "why are you crying". That is just the way they can be some times! But they cry over their football team loosing! I fear that the best advice that i can give you is to sit him down and try to get him to see your point of view. He may never see it as you do. Just try your very best to get through to him! Hope all work out well with you and yours!, congrats on your baby girl, I know you must cherish her immensely!
2006-10-27 04:59:12 · answer #4 · answered by Jm 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that is his way of coping with loss. Everyone does things their own way. I am sure he is sad too. It is not easy. I have had multipule miscarrages too and it never gets easier. I suggest that you just move on. If he has to deal with things differently then let him. My hubby refuses to talk about it when it happens. It makes me feel like it is my fault, but I know its not. And the whole reason a miscarrage happens is because god decided that the baby was not ready. Basically the babys body would not have been ready for living in the world. It is gods way of making sure that the babys here on earth will live a healthy life, and not a bad one. That is what he means about the spirit thing. If you never told him that, then he has done research on the subject and it shows right there that he cares too. I am sorry for your loss, and wish you a quick recovery, but you can not be upset at your hubby, it all happens. He is just coping in a different way. His way.
2006-10-27 04:57:46 · answer #5 · answered by sr22racing 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hit him with a bat in the tummy them tell him to multiply that pain by 10
2006-10-27 04:58:54 · answer #6 · answered by aussie 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If he really loves you he is suppose to understand.
2006-10-27 04:59:17 · answer #7 · answered by Osunwole Adeoyin 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋