Should I pursue child support from an abuser or leave it alone?

Question

I was with my ex for 6 months and we were living together, and he never helped with the bills or anything. He started to be very controlling, possesive and even accusing me of cheating on him. He has mental problems, and would "change" personalities, and I would be fearful of him. I realized this was emotional abuse and got out. Unfortunately, not soon enough, as I am 8 months pregnant with his baby. I want nothing to do with him. I want to protect my child from ever knowing her real father. I have my parents' support, but it is a little daunting to know that I will be supporting this child on my own. Most people I talk to say to get him for child support, but I am worried that will entitle him to be apart of her life. I know he has legal rights as a father, and I have consulted a lawyer, but I'm still in a pickle as to what to do. Does anybody else have a similar experience?

Answer 1

You have to think whether or not the financial aspect is as important as your piece of mind and the safety of your child.

Yes it will be hard. You are entitled to have his finacial support but with that comes the fact that he will want contact with the child. I am sure your attorney is going to apprise you of all your rights. In certain circumstances, they do allow child support without the father having contact with the child, but it is few and far between.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

Paying child support does not give the parents rights to visitation. But then again not paying support does not take away the visitation rights. You should try to get some support because living on a dime effects kids. I don't think having everything they want is good for them but growing up broke all the time is just as hard on the kids as it is on the parent. When a parent has to wonder where your next meal is coming from it brings more stress into their life and the child's. Go for the support and let the judge know you have concerns about visitation. The state can take it out of his check automatically but then again some guys will work under the table to avoid paying. The most important thing is to not allow your child to live with hate in his heart. So don't talk bad about the father around the baby and always try to get along with him. A child needs to know that he is loved by everyone no matter what. You'll have to swallow your pride sometimes but it's worth it. When the child grows up they will see for themselves who loves them unconditionally. Good luck in this difficult situation.

Answer 3

Ok I know that...at least that what it sounds like...you are very scared right now...understandably. I would suggest cutting off all contact with him all together forget the child support. i am currently a single mom not receiving help from my daughter's dad as well. Now its not easy but I manage. If you have the support of your family you will be fine. You need to protect your self and your child. He doesn't sound like he is going to be any good for you or the baby. If he was mentally and emotionally abusive to you(I know all about that) what makes you think he won't be the same towards the child?! Do not subject your child to his dysfunctional life it will only hurt you in the end. Trust me I know first hand and its scary to even consider it doing it on your own but it is possible i do it everyday. I have never been happier. need to talk at all email me. Good luck

Answer 4

Hi. I'm a family law attorney living in Arizona. I specialize in divorce, paternity and child support. My legal advice is to definitely pursue child support. When you use the courts to obtain a child support order you will in a sense be protected from this man. He will not be able to know your address etc., but you will receive the much needed child support. However, if he pays child support, in Arizona at least, he has a right to some parenting time (called visitation in some states) with your child. However you both will be able to agree on the parenting time, what about doing supervised visitation? In the court the goal is to do what's in the best interests of your child, and completely witholding the child may not be the best way to allow you child to have a healthy upbringing. I am not suggesting putting yourself in danger, but rather trying to pursue a different route. My advice then is to pursue child support, and if he asks for parenting time consider supervised visitation which may actually very good for your child but still protect him/her. Additionally, I would recommend an order of protection (restraining order in some states) if you are in fear of this man. I hope this helps!

Answer 5

First does he want to be a part of your child's life and if he does then i would get him for all he's worth for what he did to you. There are many options on what you can do. You can ask for supervised visitations because he is abusive and they can make direct deposits in your bank so you don't have to see him. If he doesn't want to be a part of you child's life you have a choice of whether or not to put him on the birth certificate. If you don't then he is the one that had to file a paternity test with the courts to be able to have a say. So if you don't want him to be a part of you life then don't put his name on the certificate and there isn't a whole lot he can do.

I had this same dilemma when i was pregnant and i didn't put his name on the birth certificate and then hasn't been any contact since. My daughter is 14 months old now and we are doing fine. Yeah she doesn't know her "real" father but it takes a man to actually be a dad to someone. Good luck with this and if you need to email me and i can help more. [e-mail]

Answer 6

I can understand what you are feeling I have a child with someone like that as well I went for child support The other thing that you have to look at if you go after him for child support it takes about 6 weeks for them to find where he works and then once he is served with the papers to pay child support..Then odds are he will quite his job and find another that is the problem that I had trying to get child support because he just went from job to job. But I never had the support that you do so I had to get on the state for help and they agave me money everymonth to help support me and my daughter and then the state went after him. So I think that the thing with child support is really a hard thing to decide on but I wish you luck and I hope that this helped you.

Answer 7

I had the same situation with my daughter. I persued child support, but it was really hard to get it. Once we did, he would quit his job, then haul me back to court to get his support reduced. During the entire time, he never wanted to see his daughter. She is now nearly 16 years old and doesn't know her father. Ultimately, we let the child support go. It just wasn't worth the hassle. However, You need to decide how bad you need this support. If you need it and aren't doing it out of spite, then go for it. But I would suggest a protective order or something similar.

Answer 8

I am not a lawyer but you could still get child support and try to get supervised visits for him. You can always try to raise the child without him helping to support it but it is not cheap to raise a child. Another thing is that you might want to not cut him out completely because the child might want to know who it's father is at one point in life.

Answer 9

If you seek support, he may be more willing to seek custody rights.
Its so easy for people to tell you what to do when they've never been in your shoes. Well I been with a man like that.
I say for your own health and that of your child. Let sleeping dogs lie. I've been in your situation...thankful there were no kids involved. But I gave up everything, house, my dogs who were like my kids, took the debt he had incurred on my cards and got away.
People who say you are entitled, are right, but they do not understand the price you or your daughter may have to pay to get that entitlement. And trust me your health and safety are not worth it any money he may or may not pay.
And they'll tell you, get a restraining order, blah, blah, blah, You can't, not without PHYSICAL abuse in most states. Verbal, financial, emotional abuse is hard to prove, but will take its toll on you psychologically none the less. And though you obviously already know that this jerk is really weak, and that is the reason for his behavior, it doesn't stop them from cutting you to the bone everytime you have to talk to them. They get into your minds and pick at any vulnerabilities we may have and then use it against us later. Even though they have no foundation for their accusations, manipulations and possesiveness, they some how justify it so strongly, that we start to doubt ourselves. They just plum wear you out, and it happens to the best of us. Never thought it would have been me, until one day, I realized it was. They're very smooth operators, so smooth they sometimes don't necassarily know they are doing it...but they definitely get off on the high they get of controlling.
Make the decision that is right for you and your daughter. Remember, women have been going at it alone for along time, but you're not really alone when you've got the love of your child and the support of your family.
As for knowing her father, be open, you don't have to necassarily bad mouth him. Just be honest and always let her know that if she wants to meet him, you'll find him. Let her make her own decision. She'll always have that perogative with or without your consent as she gets older. Been in that situation too. Didn't meet my dad til I was 25...don't know if its good or bad. He may have done damage being around, I don't know but it was always left up to me whether I wanted to know him or not. I never cared meet him until he contacted me when he was dieing. I figured it was my last chance, it turned out great. There are plenty of should of, would of, could ofs but aren't life full of those no matter what?

Answer 10

once you perceive a father for the time of the criminal gadget, you'll be arranged for each little thing that comes alongside with it. A DNA attempt, or perhaps the daddy being listed on the beginning certificates supplies him computerized rights to flow to with that toddler or perhaps take him for fifty% time if there isn't any custody contract set down. this potential that he could desire to take your son for as much as six months (50% of the year) legally in case you haven't any longer have been given a custody contract in writing for the time of the courtroom. If he's taking him out of the country it may desire to be even longer as many international locations do no longer uphold our regulations approximately parenting time. in case you will perceive him with a DNA attempt, you will want to flow to the courtroom immediately and set down custody time so as which you do no longer could rigidity approximately him beginning off with your son. this happens each and all the time. additionally, you are able to could pursue toddler help while you're in seek of any state counsel, jointly with meals stamps or money counsel by way of fact they require it, so comprehend that too. be careful and sturdy good fortune!