A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th
wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and
said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being
faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a
wish."
"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband"
said the wife.
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands.
Then it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said:
"Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me. The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish...
So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - the husband became
92 years old.
The moral of the story:
Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember that fairies are
female.
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A young man walks into a pharmacy and tells the pharmacist that he needs a condom, seeing as his girlfriend invited him for diner. The pharmacist hands him the condom and the boy pays for it and starts to walk out the door, but goes back to the counter and tells the pharmacist "you know I might need another one, since her little sister keeps giving me the eye." The boy pays for the new and turns to walk out again when he turns back one more time. This time he tells the pharmacists "You know it is really her mother inviting me and her mother is still hot so maybe I should get another one to be on the safe side." He pays for the last one and leaves. Later that night he is at his girlfriends house when the mother announces that her husband will be late and they are going to start without him. The mother then turns to the boy and ask if he would like to say grace. The boy reply's yes and begins saying grace when the door opens the boy looks up and bows his head and continues saying grace. The father takes his seats and bows his head. After five minutes of grace the family starts looking around as this was the longest grace they have ever heard. After another five minutes the girlfriend leans over to the boy and says "I never told me you were so religious." And the boy replies "Well you never told me your father was a pharmacist."
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Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day, he met a girl and fell in love.
When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage if I carry on like this." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he telephoned his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk.
On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk, he thought he would walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans.
All the way home he farted. By the time he arrived home, he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight!"
She put a blindfold on him and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another fart coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better when another urge came on. He raised his leg and rrriiipppp! It sounded like a diesel engine revving and smelled even worse. To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate.
Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next 10 minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom), he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.
Smiling contently, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!" To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
HOPE THEY MADE YOU LAUGH! THEY DEF MADE MY DAY!
2006-10-27 03:44:07
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answer #1
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answered by gracin_angel 3
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A guy walks into the chemist and says 'I'd like to buy some deodorant.' The pharmasist says 'sure - ball or aerosol?' The guy says 'no - armpits.'
2006-10-27 12:00:23
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answer #2
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answered by The Mad Shillelagh 6
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a women wonders why no one will talk to her. Everytime she starts talking They say Oh God and walk away. Shes so sad. So she decides to go to the doctor. When began to ask the doctor about her problem He says OH GOD! and turns his head. Then the doctors says I know what your problem is. She's says what. The doctor says you have a disease called Xactly. She asks whats that. He says your breath smells xactly like your ***.
2006-10-27 10:56:54
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answer #3
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answered by candy 2
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The bravest Guy in the World:-
A guy comes home to his wife covered in lipstick, perfume and very drunk.
He slaps his wife on the butt and says " You're next fatty".
2006-10-27 10:43:59
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answer #4
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answered by cerebus 2
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