I just found out my mom had an abortion?

Question

Ok so I am 22 years old married happy, have my own life...
My mom tells me last night she had an abortion when I was one month old. I am totally devistated! Apparently, my grandmother (my fathers mom) told my mom that she was trying to ruin my fathers life, and she had to have an abortion.
What do I do.
What do I say.
Why would my grandmother do that??
And why would my parents agree to that?
I am so confused and upset.
Why did everyone else but me know until now??

Answer 1

Leave it alone. Why did your mom feel the need to tell you in the first place?

Answer 2

Oh wow, so that's why you're so worried about your brother, I don't blame you a bit. And you have every right to be upset and even angry about this. I've been trying to figure out why your mom told you this, and my guess is she's just thinking about it alot now that your brother has put himself in this position, and she's thinking about this girl who may have to make the same decision, and her heart is probably breaking for this girl, and for herself and the baby she never had. As a mother, she KNOWS what it's like to be pregnant, and to feel that life growing inside you. I'm sure it's a decision your mom has always regretted as well, but she probably doesn't like talking about it. Recent events in your family's life have caused her to remember it though, and she's probably even going through the feelings and pain and regret all over again.

I don't know why your grandmother felt it was neccessary, I don't know why your parents went along with it, and that's really immaterial at this point. The last thing your mom needs right now is an adult daughter sitting in judgement on her for something that happened when you were an infant, she's got enough on her plate right now, wouldn't you say? Be a support and a strength to your mom now, she needs your love and support more than ever.

Answer 3

Having kids is never easy. I don't blame your mom about the abortion. She knew she couldn't handle two kids at one time. I know people do have kids close together. My sister had two kids one year and one day of each other. She wanted kids though so it's not the same as your mom. Kids are a big responsibility so it takes an adult decision to have an abortion.

As for your grandmother- you have to remember maybe she didn't like your mom at the time. She said what she said. However your parents have been together at least 22 years. It means that they both still love each other.

It's your mom's life. She made the decision. You weren't involved. Imagine if it was someone else's baby, then how would you feel? She's human and she's going to make errors in judgment. You make them too. So just leave it alone. It's part of your mom's history, not yours.

Answer 4

Everyone else but you knew until now because frankly, it's not really your concern.

We all have very personal views and feelings about abortion. But just as you would like the right to exercise your own personal choices on the matter if it was you we were talking about, you mom had those same rights and did what she believed she had to do at the time. You were a baby, and so I am not sure I see how it really has anything to do with you at all. That isn't something I think a mom needs to feel obligated to tell her child at all. It was her personal decision, and it's her and your fathers business, and no one elses...not even you.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but honestly, don't you want the right to make your own decisions without your mom telling you what is right or wrong? Let alone your kids telling you what is right or wrong? She did what she had to do, and she is the one who has had to live with it.

There is nothing to do or say. Just take it for what it's worth...the past.

Answer 5

You have every right to be upset that you didn't know but you have to accept the decision for them to keep it from you when you were a child. As parents we have to make decisions that will protect our children. You could express your disapointment that they waited so long to tell you.

As far as what you say or do, you should comfort your mother and tell her that although you do not agree with what she did, you were not in her shoes and were not living her nightmare so you forgive her and still love her. Ask her if she has anything else she needs to tell you and make her promise that no more secrets will be kept.

Answer 6

whats done is done, and it is what it is. Try not to give your mom a hard time about this, as she probably already feels bad. Things were proably alot different when you were born, and I am actually surprised that they even told you in the first place. Obviosly they wouldn't tell you when you were a child, or teen for that matter, but your mom sees you as a adult now and confided in you. Don't freak out, its not going to change anything, you are just going to have to accept it, and let it go.

Answer 7

You have to understand that this is not about you. This is something that happened in your mother's life, a long time ago. While it is understandable that you would be upset, you have to remember that whatever you are feeling is just a fraction of what your mom has been through. Don't judge her.

Answer 8

well,as you said,you are married and have your own life.i'm sure that it wasn't an easy decision to make for your parents. especially for your mom.don't hold it against them! it was a long time ago. i'm sure they had their reasons for not telling you,but it shouldn't matter now.let bygons be and leave the past in the past. "what ifs" DO NOT MAKE people happy and just confuse people. everyone has made mistakes in their lives,haven't you?????

Answer 9

I wouldn't do/say anything. You never know how this makes your mom feel. She may feel guilty, upset or even angry that your grandmother would suggest something like this. Its tough. If your mom wants to talk about it, let her but at the same time, be careful about judgment calls on anybody's part.

Answer 10

to me it's wrong to have an abortion, i totally disagree with the whole situation. but you were only a month old, so you particularly had no say now or then. but if you think it's respectful for them to tell you the truth i would say find answers!