She was moderately depressed before the pregnancy and was on Wellbutrin at the time which seemed to help some. Now that she is exclusively breastfeeding, she cannot take any prescriptions, but is always getting upset to the point of crying and is very shy in some social settings (especially around friends). Last night we had some people over and I was just joking around with her and although i was just kidding with her she took it very seriously and started crying. I felt terrible as our guests had to leave and that I made her cry. When they left she calmed down, but the next morning (today) she lost it and started crying. When i apologized she said it's not that (meaning the night before) but that she is just fed up with staying at home with our son. I offered to stay home while she worked full time since she hates being at home all the time. She was really for it and we will be looking into this this weekend. What should i do to help her through this hard time?? God Bless
2006-10-27 02:37:43 · 12 answers · asked by Bumbo 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
It's the hormones and could also be post-partum depression some of this is normal due to all the changes womens body goes through but you should still mention it to the doctor as he may have some help ideas and he can watch for other symptoms of worsening depression. Also try not to take it personal I know sometimes you will feel like you can't say the right thing no matter what but she will let her frustrations out on you because you are her partner and there but it is not you it's the situation all new mothers go through, I put my hubby through hell and back the poor guy I was a total *****! Try to make time for her to go out even if it's alone one idea is a spa treatment or hair salon visit because it helps to feel better when you can look good in the mirror or a new moms group so she has others in the same boat to talk to and remember little things count hugely even on very bad days try to find something nice to say or do to. Things will get back to normal but it can take a few months as her body took 9 to get this way and it doesn't end with the birth and then bounce back right away. Good luck, you are very thoughtful just for asking about it and not just complaining.
2006-10-27 02:57:04 · answer #1 · answered by NotSoTweetOne 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She may still be going through a lot of post-partum hormonal shifts, which can make her emotional and sensitive. She is going through some BIG physical and emotional changes in her life and adjusting to being a mother of a very young and needy baby.
You might try to help her get a break. Have her pump a bottle of milk for the baby and go out on her own for a while to see a movie or take a walk or something. Being able to take a break every now and then might make her feel better about being at home with the baby. Make sure you are helping out around the house as well.
Your wife CAN take antidepressents while breastfeeding if she needs them.
Look for La Leche League in your area and have her take the baby and go to a meeting. Meeting other mothers and forming a support network might be very good for her.
2006-10-27 09:51:26 · answer #2 · answered by momma2mingbu 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a wonderful caring husband.
The best thing to do would be to talk to a doctor. If she really needs antidepressants to stay well, then she might have to switch to bottle feeding. It is not as good as breastfeeding, but it's better than a miserable depressed mom.
Also, try taking her out on a date- find somebody to babysit the kid for couple hours and take her out on a romantic date. Feeling unattractive is one of the most common symptoms of post natal depression. She can also try yoga or aerobics classes- no real pressure to socialize, and she leaves the house. Most gyms have a daycare right there, and the classes are 30-60 minutes, so she can just leave the kid there for less than an hour.
Good luck!
2006-10-28 12:31:30 · answer #3 · answered by jimbell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to her, offer her support (which you seem to be already doing) and try to take the strain off of her as far as possible. Could it be that there is a deeper rooted problem or is the mental distress solely attributable to the changes brought on by the pregnancy, birth and change of lifestyle? If you can afford a professional opinion (and if this is something your wife is keen on) then I'd consider this as plan b if the listening, support and patience approach fails.
There is of course the possibility that you've answered your own question and that by returning to work she will be giving herself something else to think about, putting herself into an environment where she can socialise more and getting herself out of the house. But ultimately, will you be happy as a house husband? I'm not saying it's a bad idea, but it's something to consider.
2006-10-27 09:46:29 · answer #4 · answered by Thanks! 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she has a combination of post-partum depression and New Mommy blues. My New Mommy blues, I mean that someone needs to take care of the baby for a few hours so that she can get out of the house and go shopping, or go to the beauty salon. She needs to do something for herself, instead of concentrating so much on the baby.
It sounds strange, but when you have a baby, you forget about yourself. You need to pamper yourself a little or you start getting really depressed.
Been there, done that.
Tell her to go get her hair done, and get a manicure and pedicure. She will feel like a queen afterwards.
She has to get out of the house. I work at home exclusively and it took me a year to get used to being away from people. You really do go through withdrawal and depression when you stay at home for a long period if you don't have any social contact with people.
2006-10-27 09:54:30 · answer #5 · answered by stocks4allseasons 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs to go to a doctor, depression after having a child is serious. Women go through a chemical change before and after the baby is born. Your baby depends on the mother for everything, being understanding and helping her in the duties of motherhood can be great, she has probably lost alot of sleep. Please go see a doctor and help her in the night feedings, it will be rough but you both can do it. God Bless You and your Family!
2006-10-27 09:48:57 · answer #6 · answered by KIM A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Man, God Bless you for loving your wife so much. I just had a baby 3 1/2 months ago. It can be a very stressful time doing a lot for the baby. Lots of things change when a baby arrives. Coping with it takes time. Your sleep goes out the window, you are not there for yourself but for the baby alone. She is definitely stressed and depressed for these reasons and more. You have to be patient. As the months go by and the baby is older and he sets a pattern to his sleep and feeding (they become bigger feeds with longer time gaps), things will get better and she will have time to do the odds and ends. She will be able to do things for herself also. At that time she (and you) should work with and around the baby. When the baby is still older, involve him in your activites and have your fun. Take her out to the park or any family place (pick the places you want to go). Let her see more families with babies, let her see things as a happy event. Have picnics in the weekend. Let it be a you, baby and her event. Keep the friends and relatives out for another couple of months until she gets on her feet (ask her if this is alright). Help as much as you can. Just be supportive, hug her a lot. If it's being stuck home in order to feed the baby that bothers her, she can buy an electric pump to leave bottles of milk for you to feed the baby when she is out. Use baby slings/holders/pouches to bond with the baby (both of you). She has to meet more moms, it is so easy to relate to them. Discussing things help (if she is not someone who can cope with things herself thinking independently). When she sees all of you as one family unit and the baby as what she is there for and proud about, she will accept social settings better. Also, if she is upset about the way she looks right now because of the weight gain during the pregnancy, it is the right time to start working out if it was a natural birth. Take care of the baby and ask her to join a gym or a supportive pilates/aerobics post natal class. If not, put the baby in the stroller and both of you go walking. I don't know I'm just suggesting a whole lot of things here. I am trying out all of these. My baby is yet to sleep through the night and I feel stressed out sometimes. But keeping in mind that it is going to be fun and better as the baby grows and I am here for him makes my day good. She working out of home and leaving the baby with you is an 'ok' solution but I don't think is the 'best'. I am for women raising their children until they are old enough to go to school and then getting back to work. But of course consider what she wants and discuss this as much as possible before you actually commit to staying home with the baby. Sorry if any of my suggestions seemed out of place. Just trying to help. Good luck new daddy and mommy!
2006-10-27 10:21:58 · answer #7 · answered by happykat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like such a caring husband: I appauld you!! Your sweetie has ALL the signs of post-partum depression. This cannot go away on it's own.
Yes, she needs her own time, needs a few hours on Saturday with some money in her pocket just to wander around. Or, "sweetie, this is for lotion! I want you to buy something you love." (anything like that!...we are females, and love to look good and smell good *smile*)
Needs to be told that she looks GREAT!! But she does need to see a doctor......even if you have to schedule it for her, take the day off of work, take her to the doctor and out to lunch. She needs medicine to help balance her hormones. This happens to the best of us, believe me. My husband had to force me out the door *smile* for "me" time and I still needed the help of lose dose meds to make it through it. And there is nothing wrong with it. Best wishes!
2006-10-27 09:56:25 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I went through this after my first was born. I quit breast feeding and switched to formula and I felt much better within days. My doc told me that breast feeding is not for everyone. Some women feel completely alone and hopeless when they breatfeed. You feel like you never have a moment to yourself, and it has been proven thet breastfed babies feed more often. I actually started resenting my husband and the baby for it nad so I went to my doc and that is when he told me to stop breast feeding and not to feel guilty for it. My kids are 9 and 7 now and as healthy as can be. They are above average in height, so proof that formula is fine. Good luck and tell her she is not alone!
2006-10-27 10:03:18 · answer #9 · answered by kendra B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her sometimes to herself-alone with no distractions. She is probaby feelin totally overwhelmed. Maybe you can help her out with the daily chores. How about sending her to a local spa for a day or to have her hair done.
2006-10-27 12:22:05 · answer #10 · answered by Jody 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋