Help! How do I get outta this situation!?

Question

Ok, so, I'll start from the beggining
Im 13, and me and my mom have always had a good relationship. I We tell each other everything.
Lately, she was gone on a buisness trip, and we had International Day at school. I stayed from 3 till 7 (start of Int. Day) o'clock. Some of my friends stayed too.
One guy in the class, Nick, my best male friend in the class, and went into our homeroom class and...well...we kissed. But it felt so right!
When I told my mom, she totally flipped! She said no dating/kissing/hugging guys till I'm 16!!! All my friends are allowed! Is this right? I mean, she's talking 11th grade! What do I do??? Please help me! All my friends can date!
Also, I have a stepdad. I can't argue with mom because my stepdad hits me. He'd kill me if he found out that I kiss guys at school.Both my mom and stepdad are very strict about learning, and they think that at school I should only focus on my education.
ALSO my mom has cancer and I can't worry her. What do I do?

Answer 1

You are in a bit of a tickle arent you, well first things first, for the boy kissing thing what your parents dont know wont hurt them now will it, on the other hand if your worried about worrying your mother due to the cancer then put things on hold at least for the time being, im sure nick would understand the situation. As for your step dad does he really hit you?! All i can say to you is if you need to talk bout this in depth with someone then please email me or something i can try my best to help, i've been a bit of an agony aunt for 8 years and i'm completely willing to help you out on this. Christina

Answer 2

Hmmm, i would say give in on this one. Or be very careful.
I think she is being a bit OTT with the hugging but you could ask her if you're allowed to hold hands?
Don't look at what your friends are allowed because it doesn't really work like that. Not even in the adult world does it work like that (i'm an adult). You should focus on your education in the sense that it will be the foundation for what you do with the rest of your life pretty much. Like after school finishes you got 50+years to have a good time at least,
For what it's worth, it will all be water under the bridge in years to come. And if the guy is really the special one that is meant to be he will stick around for another 3 years. He will appreciate what adults say about focusing on education.
Your stepdad shouldn't hit you but i suppose there is not much you can do other than use avoidance tactics.
You get out of the situation by admitting to yourself that all taken into consideration 3 years is not that long. And you should ask yourself the question , would you want have wanted to kiss him had it not been what all your friends did? Take care and be lucky ;-)

Answer 3

It may feel right you are growing up and learning. but Your mum stills see you as her little girl and is worried that this may turn your head and take you away from your school work and a good education. If you can talk to your mum. do it some where other than the house. go for a walk in the park or to a cafe. say something like mum please listen to me and let me finish before you say anything. then state your case. Tell her you no that you need to learn and that nothing is going to stand it its way (mean it) and that you are growing up and need some guidance in your life. Whiles you know that it may have been wrong to kiss this boy and it will not happen again. Is it o.k that you see boys and friends at the weekend after all school work has been done.{ this is just a guide line ) but I think that if you show that you can be trusted then maybe you can come to some sort of arranged meant. And as for your step dad !!!

Answer 4

If it felt right with this guy - and he feels the same - then he wont mind waiting for the right time for both of you to move things on and start dating. If he doesn't want to wait - then he's not worth it anyway you would only get hurt and into a lot of trouble too.

My advise would be to tell Nick that you like him and that in school (lunch times and breaks) you would like to hang around with him more. Then at home make sure your mum can see your concentrating on your home work and school work and keep the good work up.

That way - you get a boyfriend in school and wont feel left out, your mum will be happy, your step dad will leave you alone and you dont end up ruining your education because of a boy.

Everyone can be happy from this....especially you.

Or - keep nick as a weekend boyfriend - then this wont interfer with school, homework or family life.

By the way - if your step dad is hitting you - something needs to be done about that. Childline is a good place to start or talking to your mum or a family friend maybe.!

Answer 5

You're in a tough spot. But here's the thing: It sounds like your mother really loves you and is trying to do what she thinks is best for you. As it happens, I think she's being a little too strict. BUT she is your mother and she is allowed to set rules like this.

Now here are some more important things for you to consider: First, you have this GREAT relationship with your mother. As right as it might have felt with your friend, or any other guy you don't want to let that come between you and your mother! And like you said, she has cancer so this isn't the best time to get into a fight with her. But what you CAN and SHOULD do is talk to her about what you are feeling and see if maybe you can negotiate some new rules with her. You sound fairly mature, and maturity is what will get you what you want here.

ALSO, does she know about your step father hitting you???

Answer 6

So, listen to your mother and don't kiss, hug, or date until you are 16. How hard is that?

The issue about your stepdad hitting you should be discussed with your mother and if that doesn't get him to stop then go talk to your school councelor. You are 13 years old and there is no reason for him to hit or spank you. That is too old for spanking and disturbing me. I think your stepdad is a bit of a freak.

Anyway... parents should be strict about your education. Do you want to end up asking people "do you want fries with that" for a living?

Stop going boy crazy. You have so much time for all of that.

Answer 7

I know this isn't what you want to hear but your Mom is right. 13 is definitely too young to date. Are you allowed to go out in a group of people like to the movies or the mall? If so, enjoy that for now. Your Mom is going through alot right now so try to keep things calm for her.Your Stepdad shoouldn't hit you...that's just wrong! All I can say to you is that you will understand when you get older why your Mom is so protective of you. Be glad that she cares. Some girls don't have anyone who cares what they do. Take it slow...you have a whole life ahead of you....don't grow up too fast, you'll be sorry.

Answer 8

Your mom simply cares about you, you are still her little baby no matter how old you get. She is also the authoritative figure in your life, whether you like it or not you must follow the guidelines she sets down for you. It will be this way your entire life no matter what you do (ie College - Proffesors, Work - Bosses, You - when you become a mom) If you don't agree with her and are that head strong that you "NEED" a boyfriend, tell your mom how you feel, if she continues to stand firm then you find yourself in a dalema. Every teen rebels, you are a teen. I would advocate respecting your mothers authority, but whatever you decide to do is ultimately up to you. Just be mature enough to accept the concequences if you get caught by your mother, stand like a woman and do not give her any excusses. ---- Good Luck, Hooah.

Answer 9

First of all, we parents have 3 big bogeymen we worry about for our kids and underage sex is one of them. So your mom has the screaming heeby jeebies about this one because one thing can lead to another i.e kissing can lead to heavy petting, then to sex. Which it can but not always.
How about trying the following?
Step one - acknowledge the fear. OK Mom, I know you are worrying about underage sex.
Step two - state your needs - e.g. but I really like this boy and I know him well enough to trust him, and I have no inention going beyond kissing - or whatever you wish to say.
Step three - can't we work out something together that will reassure you that we are behaving responsibly e.g. that when he visits, you stay in the family room, and that when you visit him, the same applies. You are on your honour to stick to this because if you break your word, your mom won't be able to trust you.
If you don't know about safe sex, go to some government site that will tell you. Don't rely on your mates!
Point out that you see this guy anyway everyday!!! and that he is not some random stranger.

I am very concerned about what you say about your stepdad. I understand that different cultures have different views on this but to me it is unacceptable that a non-related male is allowed to hit a female child coming into sexual maturity. I would like to think that you have a relative you could discuss this with. If, God forbid, your mother's condition becomes worse, then it would be appropriate to discuss who gets custody of you afterwards, as a relation you trust in joint custody should provide some protection.

You might bring the subject of your stepdad's hitting you up while around to what safe touching means (I don't know what sex ed is like in your country, but safe touching to me is NO touching in the areas normally covered by your underwear or that makes you feel uncomfortable).

If you feel his hitting you is an accetable form of discipline while you are a minor (under16), then it is one thing. If he hits you excessively (more than one smack, using a belt or stick, hitting around the head, chest or your bottom), then that is unacceptable and you could try whoever does child protection in the US, the police being your first stop.

I think your concern for your mom shows you are a lovely thoughtful daughter and I hope she makes a full recovery.

Answer 10

First thing say to mum to make sure she is alright because of the cancer. Then get on to the topic of the kiss you had with this bloke on the trip and mention to her and say to her that all my friends can date and all this she may be amngry but say to her that you are growing up and need to start otherwise you will be going behind her back to see guys who you like.
Also mention to your stepdad when he is not alone so he cant hit you because there someone else is in the room make sure he understands what you are saying