My husband says he wants kids but yet he makes smart remarks about how aggravating they are & how much money they take. He is confusing me so I'm not sure if he wants kids or not. Sometimes he says that he would love to have one right now & that it probably wouldn't be bad to be a daddy but then at other times he is making those negative remarks & acting like he doesn't. Is he just nervous & scared about becoming a father? Why would he say that he does but then turn around & act like he doesn't want one. Money shouldn't be a problem because we both make really good money. I've been ready for about a year now but I'm waiting on him. Did anyone else experience this? HELP!
2006-10-27 01:39:01 · 24 answers · asked by beachbum26 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Oh, they're aggravating and expensive alright! But well worth all the aggravation and expense and then some. It's normal to be nervous about it. You probably need to have a serious discussion with him about it to find out for sure. He may be worried about how to buy everything but you get alot of help with baby showers in the beginning. Nobody helps you when it comes time for college and all the extra curricular activities after school! It's a huge step but it's one you'll never regret! Good luck to you!
2006-10-27 02:12:26 · answer #1 · answered by Georgia Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Based on what you've described I'd say he's scared. It's a big step. At the same time I believe one should WANT a child (or children) and be consistent with that want. I understand your confusion but I would be more concerned than confused.
You have good jobs now but do you KNOW you'll have those jobs for as long as you want?
You say you're ready and emotionally you may be, but are you ready financially? Let's face it, economics are a huge factor in raising a family.
Do you have four-six months earnings in an emergency account (separate from any savings and checking accounts you might currently have) in the event one (or both) of you loses your job or becomes temporarily disabled? Do you have disability insurance? Do you have a separate checking account from which you pay all your non-monthly expenses (car insurance, health insurance, etc. so that nothing sneaks up on you)? Have you considered a "baby" account to squirrel away money for all kinds of expenses one incurs when having a child? Do you have credit card debt? Do you carry balances from month to month?
You are right to try to devine your husband's true feelings. Obviously, the child can't be sent back once the child is born and if your husband changes his mind well, you're up the creek. That's not to say you couldn't raise the child on your own, but I think you'd prefer the two of you do so. Along that line (of two people raising a child) are you both going forward on the assumption that you'll continue to work after the baby is born? Or will you stay home to raise the child? Can your husband's income support that? And can his income support that if a second child comes along or if you have twins?
He may want to feel secure that he can provide for his family. Despite our advancements in relationship dynamics at times we still revert to more traditional roles when a marriage turns into a family. He may be alright once the child is born. That happens. But if he isn't can you deal with it? And if you want to stay home can he deal with it?
Have a nice long walk in nature and talk about it. Then have a nice quiet dinner without interruptions and sort it out.
Good luck.
2006-10-27 02:08:35 · answer #2 · answered by cboni2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is afraid of living up to the financial responsibility. He doesn't know anything about being a parent because he isn't one. When the child has a "need" be it physical, emotional,financial, or even time; he will do what is necessary instinctively. We always put the needs of our "own" child first. Children are time-consuming, expensive, and sometimes inconvenient but the rewards far outweigh the costs. Many opt for a small family of just one child. I believe at least 2 is best. In this way a child always has a friend in the family and if anything happens to you & your husband he/she won't be alone in the world but have a sibling. Also when they are older there will be holidays etc. with nieces, and nephews. Also, a husband also worries about his place becoming secondary to the child's in the wife's life. He may just want you all too himself.
2016-03-28 09:07:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gotta tell him how he's making you feel. You know him better than anyone! Maybe he is scared about becomming a daddy, it's a big decission to make, one that will be with you for the rest of your lifes.
Next time your hubby is talking about wanting children just say how lovely it is to hear and does he mean it, if he says yes why then tell him he's confusing you and giving you mixed messages.
You'll probably find that you end up having a good chat about it all and will clear the air and put both your minds at ease.
Good luck with that
2006-10-27 01:47:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it means anything.
I always wanted a baby, but in our relationship it was ME that couldn't stand "That Baby." You know the one??? She screams inconsolably in the grocery store line-up and you just wish someone would do something (ANYTHING!!!) to quiet her. She's the same uncontrollable little demon that's crawling up to the altar at church on Sunday morning and trying to sit in the priest's chair, because if anyone tries to stop her the wailing will start.
Now that I've got an 11-month old I love her more than anything (even when she frustrates the heck out of me!) Last week we had our first grocery store meltdown and for the past two weeks I've been chasing her away from the stairs of the altar on Sunday morning, but she's still hands down my greatest accomplishment in life so far. I was born to be a Mom. (Even when I get back home and tell Daddy with a wry smile "She was being THAT BABY today!!!")
This happened to friends of mine too. A guy I know that wasn't "ready" suddenly came home from a buiness trip one day and presented his wife with little moccasin baby shoes that he'd seen and bought at the airport. They had a good cry and started trying. Five years later they're expecting their 3rd child. (Maybe you can use that story to feel him out??? Say it was someone at YOUR office... and go "Awwwwww" at the end.)
Basically, I'd say you have to ask him what he wants. He's the only one that can tell you for sure what he means.
Take care & Good luck!
2006-10-27 02:01:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are not sure at times as to what they want. i think since he says he likes to be a daddy, he wud like to be one. And i bet every person in this world knows that it comes with the package- baby and troubles and happiness. So for once try to talk to him and put forward that u want a baby. He would feel better since the initiation is from ur side. Some guys cannot get their thoughts bundled and conclude. So they lack in inititaion. He might be worried that u wont get to decide if he takes initiation. So why dont u go for it and ask him. Its like falling in love and u both know. But u wait for him to propose, and at last give up and u do it urself and u know he wont say no to it. Good luck.
2006-10-27 01:44:06 · answer #6 · answered by ydo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My hubby & I have 2 & 1 on the way & I make smart comments about how much they cost, because If you keep your kids well dressed clothes alone can cost a fortune. I woudn't worry about that and as for kids being aggravating, I really don't like many other peoples children I find them annoying, I wasn't like that prior to my kids but I am now, But I do not expect everyone to like my kids. I think you will be fine.
2006-10-27 01:44:07 · answer #7 · answered by notAminiVANmama 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is probably scared. You never did say how long you have been maried or about what age group you and he are in. He may just want a little more time with just dealing with being a married couple.
Did you ever think about having a close firend or relatives baby stay overnight to see how he deals with a real baby in the flesh?
2006-10-27 03:32:42 · answer #8 · answered by hsp_goddess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is scared. Just feel blessed that it happened BEFORE you had kids. I'm dealing with the same stuff but we already have children! You need to sit down with him and ask him point blank what is going on! Does he or does he not want children? And why or why not. Make sure he isn't just wanting them for you. Life will be horrible afterwards if that is the case!
2006-10-27 01:46:16 · answer #9 · answered by Bekka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I think he's being honest. I think it's completely NORMAL for people to think about things on both sides of the issue. I want children, but at times I think 'hmmm am I ready? can I realy afford it? will I even make a good mom?' etc etc. I don't think that means I don't want kids or I'm not ready. Like everything in life, I don't think you can really 100% prepare for everything and you're always going to question yourself. Don't critize him for these comments, instead try to provide reassruance that things will work out, etc. Good luck to you!
2006-10-27 02:47:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋