should i just give in and tell him to go back to his parents or should he be on my side and fighting.......he says he loves me more than life itself but i still am not 100% sure.......im scared his parents will win........he is 28 and i think its none of there business? but should i just give up.....i love him so much but if he stays with me then his family will be no more because they really cannot stand me
2006-10-27 01:08:17 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
i felt like i was reliving the past 6 years reading that.lol
my now husbands parents hated me with a passion i wasnt even allowed in thier house, they didnt think i was good enough for their oh so lovely son.
and we split up over them and cancelled our £7000 wedding,got back together had a gorgeous daughter and then got married, they said they wouldnt even turn up to the wedding hoping it would put us off but it didnt, we had a small due and who showed up, his parents and then we went for our meal afterwards and they came too and asked to sit on the top table and then his dad paid for it all.
i think they realsied i was not just some girl 7 years younger than thier son trying to screw him out of everything he had (which i have to say is not much.lol)
and now for the first time ive been invited out to thiers over xmas and his mum comes and picks me and my daughter up and we go shopping etc.
stick with him, and soon enough they will realise this is not a game but if you split you may regret and then if his parents are now thinkin you are not good enough then they will think it even more once you split and get back together as he will be hurting and turning to them on the break,
i hope this makes sense, trying to type really fast as my daughter has just woken from mornin nap ready for dinner.
GOOD LUCK and congrats on the wedding
2006-10-27 01:27:15 · answer #1 · answered by only me 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that this is something that HE is going to have to decide how to handle. If HE feels that it is none of their business, then he is going to have to be the one to make that clear to them. I mean let's face it, you know where you stand with them and despite that you still want to be with him. Why should YOU give up on someone you love, he's an adult, he didn't ask his PARENTS to spend the rest of their life with him, he asked you. IF you give up then his parents WILL win. Is the dislike they have anything that can be worked on between you and them to try to make this easier for YOU? Maybe rather than "run" you should approach them and state that whereas you understand there are some disagreements between the 3 of you, you love their son-he loves you and you're not just going to "go away". Don't be mean or confrontational, just be honest....maybe approach them when he's not around so that they don't throw him in the middle as if expecting him to take sides. Communication between all 4 of you however is going to be the only way this gets solved in a way to make your wedding day enjoyable for all involved.
Good Luck!
2006-10-27 01:20:57 · answer #2 · answered by secret_oktober_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it time. By the way, congratulations! I'm getting married soon too :) My husband-to-be kept the relationship with the kids from his previous girlfriend. They're not his biological kids but they love him and vice versa. Eventhough, I would really love this marriage to be just the two of us, no baggages from his past, this is something I can't simply chuck immediately.
Give it time, I would say once more. People will change, relent, cool-down, be more accepting. Hope for the best. Live a day at a time :)
Have a happy marriage. No one can stop you from having it. Smile sweetheart, take it as a challenge :)
2006-10-27 04:02:08 · answer #3 · answered by j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You haven't explained why they hate you. Is there a reason, or are they just horrible?
If there's a reason, then you need to work on that reason. And tell them you're working on it. If they're just horrible, well, I hate to say this, but if I'd known that my parents-in-law would visit me every year, I'd never have married their son! They hated me too, for a variety of reasons. I don't get up at six in the morning, I am a bit overweight (not a lot, but enough to bug them), I don't cook "plain food" (big sin) etc etc.
So for your future happiness, work it out. If your husband isn't prepared to support you against them, can you imagine situatuions arrising where he will take their side against yours? I was very ill when I was pregnant with my daughter and told him I couldn't cope with their annual holiday. He ignored me, they arrived and when I was nine months pregnant, I was cooking and cleaning after 15 people - friends and family. I nearly divorced him over it.
I get on ery well with my daughter-in-laws. I can be as mean to my sons as I like - they have to love me, I'm their mother - but I have to win my daughters-in-laws love. And they're very important to me. I would not want my sons to be unhappy for anything. And certainly not because of me.
I don't know if this helps. See if you can get some counselling help. It might be that you just need to talk through the situatuion. All the best.
2006-10-27 03:04:10 · answer #4 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear, you are not the one to decide between yourself and his family. It's his place to decide. Let him take his own decisions and tell him that he is free to do anything he likes and that he is the one who has to make sure that he does not have regrets later for you are not ready to carry the burden of guilt for separating him from the family. He has to make the decision NOW. If there is any particular reason why his family hates you that could be cleared, taking an initiative to be friendly with them or at least formally at good terms with them is a good idea, which may help him later. Also discuss that if you do not feel welcomed in the family, he has to take it in his stride and attend his family reunions and occasions alone and not force you to come along. If he is still all for you, just be happy to be the lucky girl who has finally found such an unwavering lover.
2006-10-27 01:50:10 · answer #5 · answered by Smriti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is up to your boyfriend. It is his family, he will be the one suffering if you two don't see them. If he really loves you like he says he does, than he will stay with you. Don't pressure him in anyway and don't make him choose.
ps. I don't mean to sound mean and I'm sure you're a wonderful girl, but maybe you should stop a while and figure out why they hate you. Have you had a serious adult conversation about this with them? If they have a good reason for disliking you, than maybe they have a point and you should try altering your personality for your own good. If they don't have a good reason, then it is them that is trash, not you. If your boyfriend goes to them, than you are better of without him. He needs to love you for who you are, not what his family thinks of you.
2006-10-28 18:04:01 · answer #6 · answered by blondie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont say why his parents hate you so much. What have you done to make them feel this way? You may not be able to change the way they feel (depending on the circumstances) but I would stop fighting them and just accept thats the way they feel. If your man chooses you over them then thats his choice and go with it. Let his parents see what a good partner you are for their son and how supportive and loyal you can be and maybe, just maybe they will change their minds in the future.
2006-10-27 04:28:08 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont say why they dont like you....is it a case of win or lose?
do you really want him to tell his parents to get lost?He is marrying you. So if y ou like ,you have won and that should make you happy.
If someone told me thay loved me more than life itself... I would be concerned . You say your not 100percent sure.?.Is it that you really want him to make a choice for you .?They are his parents after all and it seems he IS going against them by marrying you..Dont ask him to forget his parents it seems he loves you and them... in time they will see you as a good wife and just might come around.Love is give and take....stand with him and be happy.
2006-10-27 03:55:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't his parents stand you? there are reasons for this type of behavior. Have you had fights with them? have you done something to them? come on be honest.
If you take him away from his family your going to be sorry. Every time something happens in his family, he's going to make you the scape goat because he won't be able to attend or will be left out. therefore the blame will be yours.
You can chance it but? I'd rather not. Find out what the problems are, try to resolve them before marring. If there's children down the line what's going to happen, not good.
2006-10-27 01:15:01 · answer #9 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are getting married to each other not his parents. Why do they hate you so much? If they truly love him they will want to see him happy and if that is you then they need to accept that. I would never make my child choose between me and the person they love. Please don't let them do this to the two of you. Get married and be happy and live a full life. Best Wishes
2006-10-27 05:39:56 · answer #10 · answered by Sexy-n-Hot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋