Taking the mans name...?

Question

girls,if you were getting married to your man would you take his name? yes/ no... why?

guys, if the girl says no, what do you think? does it matter? does it change the relationship?

if you both agree to keep your original names, no changes. what name do the kids take???

Answer 1

Good question and quite relevant to me as I'm getting married in March.

Before I met my fiance I always used to think that I would like to keep my name. I come from a very small family and I felt that to lose my name would be to lose part of my identity.

Now I have met my future husband, that way of thinking seems not so important and I am proud and honored to take his name. He has suggested I might like to do a hyphenated name (both our surnames) and has no problem with that, but I think I will stick with his.

It is quite an indiviudal choice, and even though I am in a way sad to lose my family name, it is exciting to be part of a whole new family and our children will have "our" name.

In the case of the wife retaining her maiden name when married, I think the kids have the father's surname

Answer 2

I ended up taking my husband's surname, after much thinking and some discussion with him. He had only suggested that there be "one" name, because of the children we hoped to have. He even offered to take my last name if I would not change it to his. I have a proud heritage and a great, well-known surname, so I would have been happy to have kept my last name. The two names are both ethnic and similar in length and hardness of spelling, so those were not a consideration. Hyphenating is just crazy. So I decided to take his name, out of respect for him and belonging. We wanted to be one family with one name.
Now, I am a teacher as well, and a consideration has to be given as to what surname confusion can do with kids. There are kids with one or neither of the parents' surnames, or hyphenated, and it can get very confusing for everyone. Hyphenated names can be difficult as well. It is just so much better for the child to have the same last name as both parents - they do feel a sense of security and belonging.

Answer 3

I could go either way, or hyphenate it (as annoying as that is) I think women aer choosing to hold on to their names more because we are older when we get married, and have spent more time building a career. Once you change your name completely it is harder to be recognized after that.

As for the kids, there are many options. I think the best is to take the fathers last name, and use the mothers as a middle name.

Answer 4

I am keeping my own last name, but in a strange twist of events taking his last name as my middle name (which I have never been fond of any way). I have not been able to, but I am hoping that I can convince him to take my last name as his middle name. Why should I change my identity to demonstrate my commitment to our solidarity, but him not do the same?
I dont want to change my last name because I am graduating law school before we get married and my degrees will have my name, and even more importantly people know me with my current name and references are very important, especially just starting out.
As for our children, I would prefer that they take both of our names and have no middle names, but Im willing to concede and give them his last name with my last name being their middle names.

Answer 5

42 more days to go and I've decided make a little change when we're married. An addition to my existing name, my husband-to-be surname. Having both the surnames of the most important men in my life means alot.

Answer 6

I took my husband's last name, but only because my maiden name was a monstrous 12 letters long, and his is only 4!

If I had a last name that I particularly liked, I might have kept my maiden name. I briefly discussed this with my husband, and he said he wouldn't have any problems with it.

When children enter the picture, things get trickier. Generally, they take the husband's last name. But if the mother is the one who is involved with school, she'll get questions about why her children have a different last name. Oftentimes people will assume that she's the step-mother.

Answer 7

This is something I myself sruggled with when i got married. It isn't that i did not want to take his i wanted to hyphenate, but he was very against it. He wanted me to have the same last name as our children. I really wanted to keep my last name because it was part of me. I have gone through so many hardships and wonderful things because of my last name and i felt since i was marrying someone outside my culture it was a way to keep me connected to my culture. In the end i went with his last name only and i don't resent him or anything, but i wish i could have understood why he was so against it and why he couldn't see my point of view.

Answer 8

Ive always been fond of hyphenation, but if it doesnt work like
brown-white
or schnieder-melanochavitkianana

personally, I have no problem taking my husbands name if I like his better than my own. I am a strong independant woman without changing my name...the same as I will be with a diffrent name. no biggie

Answer 9

I got married and am taking my husbands name. I think that its fine for women to decide if they want to take their husbands name or not. I have friends who have not changed their names and in their cases their children have taken the fathers surname.
Also if you want to compromise you can hyphenate your surname.

Answer 10

funny...i,m avery independant girl..bit of afeminist at times..never ever wanted to get married!! lol and even if i did..thought it was kinda sexist to take the mans name!....however..i have since fallen in love but not just fallen in love..but found that special person..mate with alot of soul...and i,m actaully getting marrried to him on 28th nov...i feel..far less selfish now im with him..and nothing would give me greater joy in this world than to take his last name!( 4yrs ago i would of said on yr bike!!)..but its because ilove him.cherish him....and would feel proud to take his name..i,m even really excited about it actually...but as i am one of 3 sisters and no brothers.. hes aware that my family name would be lost..so what we have decided between us..is yes i will take his surname.. but actuually keep my own surname as a middle name......which we though was a wonderful idea..not tobe confused with double barrelling the names which we also found out was another idea....i truly cant wait!!!