Need Advice!!?

Question

I am trying to find my true self and live a Christian lifestyle. My problem is letting go of anger. I was abused growing up and had a father who's only way of communicating was yelling, throwing something across the room, hitting, punching, and calling myself, my sister, and I horrible names. My parents divorced three years ago and since then my Mom has become very ill mentally. She has always struggled, throughout my childhood, with bipolar disorder, neediness, and obsessive compulsive disorder; however, when she tried living alone, after my Dad left it just didn't work out so human services removed her from her home into a group home two years ago. I have so much anger and hate in me and blame my Dad for what my Mother has been going through; however, to truly live a Christian lifestyle I must forgive my Dad and move on. How can I do this? I have lifted up the phone several times to call him, but I can't bring myself to do it.

My sister and I aren't real close...we talk on occassion. I don't really trust her as she is still living in the past...married an abusive husband, etc. She did tell me; however, that our Dad asks about me and my daughter, whom he has never met, all the time. I don't know what to do.

sent my Dad a letter about two years ago...a hate letter full of anger about how I feel towards him and how my Mom was slowly going downhill and that her condo would probably have to be sold. Since then, I have only seen him once. That was at my sisters' children's birthday party two years ago.

If I do get up the courage to call him, I plan on letting him do most of the talking...or try to.

Answer 1

Hello, Well, all I can tell you is what helped me, I come from a troubled childhood, and just recently went through a horrible betrayl

Prayer is the key, and ask God to help you deal with your anger in positive way. allow yourself to feel the hurt and pain, and perhaps begin to write your feelings down through poetry, or song.

Anger is a hard emotion to gain control of, talk to perhaps your pastor, or a christian councilor, but learn to see your dad as human with human failings. He didn't set out to hurt anyone, and with that said, you are not responsible for what he did, and your mom, is responsible for her illness, ( I am not saying that she's to blame) It is up to her to manage her illness, chances are your mom had bi polar for a long time, but your dad's grief was just a catylist. Bi polar tends to run in families, and many things can trigger it. her neediness has nothing to do with your dad, she perhaps has been this way again for along time, and it sounds like your mom needs therapy to help her begin a confident lifestyle. Many women feel they can't live alone, and this is somehow a trait that had begun from the onset of dating or before. It sounds like possibly there could be issues in her life that she can't face,or have been in existance and ignored or not seen way before your dad came into the picture... we all have our vices, and issues... there may be no reason specific to why she is the way she is, but that's her business, all you can do is help her with love and understanding, and again that's not your problem or your business, but using your dad as an excuse is going to run very thin. It is just going to set you up to pass the buck when you are older, and keep this endless circle going, of not taking responsibility for your actions or feelings.
I am not coming down on you or your family, but this is something that God has helped me with, living with a chip on your shoulder is a negative thing, and it will hurt no one else but you.
Pray, and pray some more, read scripture and get to know God in a closer way, learn about His definition of love, learning to love yourself the way He loves you, through acceptance just as you are, will lead you on the road to recovery and forgiveness.
Ask God to heal your heart, and pray for your family including your dad, pick up the phone when you are ready, but do not expect answers to your questions, when that day comes, just accept him for who he is, in the moment... true forgiveness, the past shouldn't matter.

Learn to love anyway...
God Bless, Let us know how it works out.
Shannon

Answer 2

Pray, Pray, Pray. Perhaps if your sister still talks to your Dad as it sounds like she does ask her to help you make the phone call. You may feel angry for a long time. It will take time for it to go away completely. I wish I could tell you there is a 3 second cure but there isn't. Perhaps a close friend can be around when you call at least for moral support. I know situations like this make you uncomfortable, I would be too. However, I do not think you should shut him off completely. At least let him know that you are doing okay and your daughter is healthy and doing well. If you can not come to call him for what ever reasons try writing to him. This can be easier because you do not have to speak with him one on one. Also send him a picture of you and your daughter. Chances are it will do a lot of good for him. He does care about you I do not doubt that but some people just aren't very good parents. At least you are trying that is the first step. May God help you through this tough time. I pray you are able to overcome your anger. With God all things are possible!!!!!!!

Answer 3

This is a tough one - and you really shouldn't try to do it on your own. I have been through almost exactly what you have described and spent way too many years agonizing and condemning myself for my inability to forgive despite a sincere desire to do so. I found a Christian counselor who specializes in adults with abusive pasts. My guess is that, like me, you feel so guilty about the anger you feel, you are emotionally immobilized. Your anger is valid, justified, and absolutely normal. Once you REALLY believe that you will be able to deal with it, understand it, externalize it and, ultimately, let it go. I hope you will seriously consider counseling. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

What helped me is prayer, meditation, counseling, and the one of the most important things: forgiveness! When you don't forgive a person, you are doomed to repeat the same hurt and experience over and over again. It is easier said than done especially when you were violated but it helped me move on and let go all the emotional baggage that I was carrying around inside.

Answer 5

So sorry that you have been through all of that. Just remember that forgiveness doesn't mean that you are condoning all of the horrible things that he has done to you and your family. For you to forgive your dad it means that you are letting go. You don't have to contact him to forgive him if you don't feel like it. You can just forgive him in your heart. Do this and then live the wonderful life that you truly deserve!

Answer 6

Before you can forgive him for what he did...he needs to sincerely apologize, and admit that what he did was hurtful to the family. You can be a true Christian regardless. Unless your dad asks for your forgiveness, you are under no pressure to give it. Go on with your life and try to heal...either thru counseling or faith (or both). I wish you the best

Answer 7

I don't know much about "Christian lifestyle. Just try not to step on anybody's toes, even if their not Christian. Just think about what your going to say to your dad, get it clear in your mind. And do it!

Answer 8

you need to get over it and take some responsibility for your self and stop blaming your perants for your misfortunes , if your not figured it out yet they had there own sh,it to deal with . there is a stage in your life where you need to stop blaming others and grow up . as for using Christianity as a prop to bail you out is just masking the problem . It will not help . Stand up and move on

Answer 9

you need to seek counseling if youve had that much abuse in your childhood you need to seek professional help you dont want to pass your issues onto your children do you?