Help me with my two year old!?

Question

I have a two year old boy who has a very bad discipline problem. He either will ignore me if I tell him something or start screaming and throwing a fit as if someone were beating him. It takes 45 minutes to get him to lay down to go to sleep. Half the time I can't get him to eat or pick up his toys. I've mentioned it to his pediatrician and she says that he'll grow out of it, but in the meantime....I'M LOSING MY MIND!!!!

Answer 1

He won't grow out of it. Start putting him in time-outs when he's ignoring you. If he's screaming and throwing a fit walk away and leave him to it. Don't try to calm him down because that's what he wants, your attention. Won't pick up his toys? Take them away or nothing special gets done unless they are picked up. It sounds cruel, but I didn't discipline enough when mine was that age and now he's 12 and a pain in the neck.

Answer 2

I know how you feel try the time out when they start a tantrum give him a warning in a low but firm tone if he doesnot stop he will have a timeout. You will need to choose a safe place for this but not where he can be distracted by anything the time out should last 1 min per year of his life. After that time go back and see if he is sorry if not then another time out and keep going till he is ready to calm down. You must not give in at all or he has won. Alto of it is the so called terrible twos but if you dint stamp it out now it could get a lot worse. The bed time try a warm bath then bed with a story turn out his light saying goodnight and leave the room if he gets up starts calling leave it for a few Min's then repeat night night it time for sleep, this could continue for a while but each night leave returning a little longer he will soon get the message. hope this helps as i had help on this from a psychologist

Answer 3

I have a two year old who is exactly as you describe! My son won't go to bed when I put him down, he screams like a banshee, and will totally ignore me when I tell him no. I have gotten so frustrated with him at times that I have broken down and cried. Sometimes I feel as if all I do is get mad at him. I have put him into his brother's crib (my other son is 1) and I have also tried talking to him. He still screams and pushes my buttons and I feel like I am losing the battle. He is on a structured schedule (with some leeway of course... I do have a 1 year old that throws it off...) but that doesn't seem to matter. He started screaming even before my other son was born so it isn't that. I took out his nap yesterday and he actually went to bed at 7:45 instead of 10:30! It was awesome! So, I am thinking that naptime is over. He will sit for quiet time nicely and watch a movie so I think that's what I will do from now on. As for the other, I will just have to keep putting him in the crib. If you have any other suggestions, I'm all for them!

Answer 4

oh lord, i was left to the terrible twos on my own while my husband was in korea for a year (army) so i know you are losing your mind if you are battling this alone. my son is the most active strong headed determined little boy. i cant take him out anywhere without an argument but he isnt always that way. i can say from experience that consistency consistency consistency is so very important. if you do one thing one day and are tired the next you have to follow through. kids will test the crap out of you and you are the parent and you CAN do it. my son would not only take forever to lay down he would get naked just for fun and i didnt know what to do!!!!!! he became a picky eater and would start to throw and kick all the time too. kids at that age are all about the moment too, always remember that. so, the picky eating i would maybe give him some pediasure if you are nervous about him getting enough nutrients daily but if he dosnt eat at one meal he will make up for it at the next.if he throws food make him pick it up and it will be a serious battle but do it each time. throwing toys, make him pick it up. do time outs and be consistent with them. i never expect him to be perfect at those but at least to calm down a bit. also always remember he is still a baby but one with an attitude they dont understand why they did something he just acted on pure raw emotion. also structure, someone else mentioned it above. structure your day around his schedule is best, if you can. my son is usually bettrer behaved in the morning so i can get more stuff done then and later inthe day i am just counting down minutes til its bedtime. its hard to be alone with a three year old (now) and not have any adult conversation. you will get through it. it is hard

Answer 5

Um, I hate to say this, but how structured is his life? It might help to make sure that things (at least the big things, like eating and sleeping) happen at exactly the same time in exactly the same way. If you can't get him to eat, then let him go hungry. I know, I know, but he won't starve, he will eventually eat. Once you can get him to eat on a regular basis, I would start on table manners. First work on not throwing food on the floor, then not climbing out of his chair, then using utensils. Make each step a couple days to a week apart. The "punishment" for not using good table manners would be the removal of the food until the next meal. Harsh, I know, but he will get it.
For the bedtime battle, I would suggest a routine with many steps in it. Do the same thing, the same way, every night, starting at the same time. Sooner or later, his sleep schedule will even out.

Answer 6

It's the terrible twos...yes he will grow out of it. First of all if you don't have one already invest in a child gate. If you don't have headphones already (an ipod or cd player etc to go with the phones), invest in them as well. When he starts throwing a tantrum pick him up, put him in his room with the child gate up in the doorway. Tell him that when he can stop the fit and behavine appropriatly you will pay attention to him. Then walk away and put on the headphones.
The reason it is taking him 45 mintues to lay down and go to sleep is that it is taking YOU that long to leave him. After the story, the cuddles and kisses walk out of his room. If he wakes up and starts to cry let him cry. After 15-20 minutes go in reasure him that you're still there but that it's bedtime, say goodnight and walk out of the room. Do this as MANY times as necessary for as MANY nights as necessary, eventually he will learn that his fits aren't going to get your attention which is what he wants.

Answer 7

Seeing as how my cousins deal with their children- who are around the age of your two year old, I think you should hit him. I don't mean slap him around, but as I've seen they do- when they misbehave, just a tap on the diaper and a firm NO, and they understand that they should not do whatever it was they were doing.

I don't condone beating your kids, but when they are so young, they can't really understand it if you try to reason with them. Most of my cousins do the tap on the diaper, and it works, and the only one that does not do it, and simply tells him no- or tries to reason with him has a brat. He doesnt listen to anyone, and does whatever he wants, since he isn't disciplined very much.

I think you should give the authoritative method a try, be firm with him, use limited force just to get your point across, and after a while, he'll begin to understand what is right and what is wrong. Don't forget to also be loving towars him though, and since you should punish him for doing bad things, you should also reward him for doing good things. Give it a try.

Answer 8

I have the same problem. I have a 2 yr old that will not sit at the dinner table, if we try to buckle her in she will get mad and throw her food. She will not eat. If she does not get her way she will pull all the books or DVDs off the shelf and walk away. She will not lay down at night unless i lay with her. Ive tried time outs, she will not sit. Im at a loss also and ready to loose my mind. Good luck. If you find anything that works let me know.

Answer 9

I am so there right now with my two yr old, except, a girl. Same way, they look right at you when you are talking to them, and its almost as if they are laughing inside. Like ha, you cant make me. It is very stressful, on both my husband and I. And if you can get yours to bed in 45 minutes, thats better then us. We start bedtime at 9 and we are lucky if she's down before 1. Thus makes it hard on us to explain to our 4 yr old, why she gets to stay up later. Its not that we let her, she just fights it. And you cant spank your child nowadays without it being child abuse, and my daughters doctor said the same thing, she will grow out of it, its just a phase, terrible twos. I believe its ANNOY your parents until you get bored with it . If you find out any good hints, let me know. I need them too!! good luck.

Answer 10

If you continue to let him show you who's boss, he won't grow out of it. Start him on a schedule. When he misbehaves, send him to time out for a few minutes. (Get an egg timer to set for him so that he knows when he can get up) Let him know what he did wrong. Be strong when you talk but don't let. Don't say, 'now Johnny, please don't pull the cat's tail.' Say, 'We don't pull the cat's tail in this house. Time out young man." Granted, things like please and thank you are important...but not when you are repremanding him for misbehaving. He can learn how to say please in other situations. If he continues to throw a fit, make him stay in time out longer. Whatever you do, don't give in! As far as him not eating, don't force him to eat. When he gets hungry he'll eat on his own. When it's time to pick up his toys, stay in his room and help him, show him where things go, hand him his toys and tell him to put them up. Try to make a game of it, sing silly songs, make goofy faces...When it comes to bedtime, about an hour before bedtime, start calming things down. No running around or things like that. Get him ready for bed, talk to him about the day and then have him pick out a book or two for you to read to him while he lays down. Try playing soft classical or relaxing music for him. My son likes to have his Elmo and a sippy cup of water with him when he goes to sleep at night. If he throws a fit, hug him, tell him you love him but it's bedtime and you're going to sleep. Leave his room and put up one of those 'Hey kid, stay out of there' gates up in his doorway. Let him scream, cry whine...whatever. Eventually he'll tire himself out and fall asleep. There were many mornings where I'd walk into my son's room to find him asleep on the floor in front of the door because he had fallen asleep after a scream fest. If he has nightmares though, by all means go in and comfort him. Don't talk to him (that will just wake him up more) but let him know you're there by rubbing his back and making 'shhh, shh' noises. When he stops crying, get up and walk out.

Yes, you will be stressed out now. But think of it this way. You teach him proper behaviour now and you won't have an unruly teenager on your hands in 11 years. You're his parent, not his friend.