I am feeling a little discouraged my daughter is going throw a temper tantrum stage and I am working on it but I was wondering if you guys have that friend who does not have kids that is constantly trying to tell you what to do what your kid? How do you deal with them? What do you say?
2006-10-26 17:02:36 · 17 answers · asked by Jaime T 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Oh yes. You just have to tell them straight up front.."look, I know you are not a parent yet, so you can't possibly understand just how frusterating this is for me right now, I know your just trying to help but I know what i'm doing and I just need you to not step in now". If they get upset or mad, who cares, your only real concern is to raise your child(ren) as responsible people, not to make sure that your friends are ok with how you do your thing. Hold your head up and keep strong, after all you gave birth , you can handle this. Good luck to you
2006-10-26 17:09:00 · answer #1 · answered by pinkhopper2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not like this, but honestly , my opinions from before i had children, to now, after having 3, havent changed much. I don't think people who don't have children should just be ignored. Its so true, they have NOOOO idea what it takes, but the standards are valid. I didn't change my standards of what I thought was proper behaviour for children, just because I had them. I didn't realize how hard it would be, its true, but that doesn't mean that what I expected and wanted should be let go.
Lets face it children who are unpleasant to be around, are the problem of the PARENTS! My brothers two kids are difficult for me to be around. Granted, every kid is different and had different temperatment, requirements etc., but that does not mean you should lower your standards of what is acceptable behaviour.
There are just certain things that parents do or don't do, that are obvious to even the most inexperienced person. If a kid is whiny, bratty, tantrum throwing, ungrateful , disrespectful.... how can you just say, "they don't know cause they're not parents". NON parents can tell the difference between good and bad behavior, they're not idiots. A tantrum once in a while is expected, but if your kid is a brat, don't expect anyone to look the other way and not notice. YOU are the only one who can enforce what you deem acceptable behavior. Belive me , I work in a childcare, I CANNOT BELIEVE how parents let their children treat them and act. You need to start YOUNG!! I don't believe in "stages". I believe in being the one to determine what you let your child get away with and what you don't. My 3 kids knew proper behavior early on, and knew that I meant what I said, and I was CONSISTENT. Therefore, I get compliments on their behavior wherever we go. They are happy, normal and I have NEVER abused or beat them. But it was always important for me that they knew that they were not the center of the universe, and that they would never get away with being "bad".
Your child is just reaching out for structure and consistency, and thats what you should give her. Don't let other people make you feel bad, but work it out so that you don't even have to deal with that issue for yourself either.
I KNOW that you have , even as parent, been with other peoples kids, who drive you crazy. Its not different.
2006-10-26 17:22:06 · answer #2 · answered by Coco 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If its a good friend tell her you are doing the best you can to handle the situation and you appreciate her opinion but unless you ask for help you really just want some support right now. Tell her that would mean a lot to you. My mother is constantly trying to tell me how to raise my 4 and I've tried telling her that I didn't love her way when I was a kid and all that. Finally now, I have to tell her that I'm having a hard enough time without her being critical and that I just can't handle it now so please don't call me unless you can be supportive. It's hard to do but it works and I would think it would work with a friend also. Good luck.
2006-10-26 17:10:51 · answer #3 · answered by suzyQ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That "friend" was actually my mother. I reminded her that she raised ME (actually I raised myself but that was the point I had made anyway), I told her that I was raising my daughter and I would do it my way because even though she "raised" two kids my mother had absolutely no parenting skills whatsoever. Consequently I raised my daughter totally different than how I was raised. My daughter has a much better head on her shoulders than I did at 20 and I believe it was due to the way she was raised. Me at 20? I was addicted to cocaine and booze and partying all the time. I didn't go to college. My daughter at 20 is in college works part time and rarely has time to party...but she is making something of herself she has goals set and is reaching them. I never had any goals so there was nothing to reach for.
2006-10-26 20:39:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh man! This is a question for me!
LOL
My aunt does this to me, she has no kids, but islike the ultimate expert on them.
I don't deal with it,and I don't listen. I don't say anything to her. It only leads to an argument, and since she has no real life basis for her arguments, I just get angry if I pursue it!
ANd the tantrums will stop, my son went through it really bad for a week and a half,. then it died down, now it's back. Just smile, and breathe!
2006-10-26 17:07:18 · answer #5 · answered by OOgaCHucka 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone thinks they're an expert. Keep your cool, with the tantrums and with the nosy friend!
I like the suggestion from the answerer who said to ask them to babysit!
Remember, you can not control the situations in life, you can only control your reaction to the situations in life!
Be sure and praise your little one when he or she handles a bit of frustration without having a fit, it lets them know that they get attention for good behavior!
Maybe you could sarcastically praise your friend for not butting in, too! If that happens...
2006-10-26 17:13:53 · answer #6 · answered by sendmedaisies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait till you have your own kids! everyone is an expert when they don't know what it takes to raise a child. Do your best and trust your instincts, if things still aren't working go to another parent(your own or one that you know has done a good job) and ask for advice. Parenting is trial and error, none of us are perfect, especially when you don't even have kids! Don't sweat it good luck!
2006-10-26 17:34:58 · answer #7 · answered by ha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I nod and smile and then I say thank you for your advice. If the behavior continues, I reevaluate how important the friendship is to me. I understand your discouragement, but keep it up. It seems like it takes forever at the time, but trust me, it's not that long in the long run and is totally worth it.
2006-10-26 17:36:18 · answer #8 · answered by pritti_dayzee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everybody has that friend... I just smile at her and listen to her.. tell her I'll give it a try and let her know how it goes. Normally I don't try it because its something stupid like aroma therapy to stop my kid from throwing something....Just wait until they have kids and try some of that stuff and realize how dumb it was and they come to you for help!
2006-10-26 17:24:08 · answer #9 · answered by masterdvrsgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because someone has no child of their own doesn't mean they have no experience with children... I've worked in the childcare services for years and I offer up my advice when needed... Just because you squeezed one out doesn't mean you have all the answers either.
If the person your referring to continues to give you unwanted advice the most polite thing to do would be to say "thank you, I'll keep that (insert subject) in mind" and end the conversation. You don't need to be a rude *** biotch and tell them they don't know what they're talking about because for all you know they could have 10x the expereince with children that you have- even without having one of their own!
2006-10-26 17:14:10 · answer #10 · answered by annathespian 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋