future mother-in-law issues?

Question

my future mother in law and her sisters are always on my back about the things that i wear and are always saying that i'm "so skinny" that i should eat more. i weigh 122lbs. i think this is a fine weight but they always tell me im too skinny. also, they always tell me how horrible my clothes are and how little they are; however, i do not wear anything revealing. they think i am ridiculous because i pay good money for my clothes & they cannot stand them because they are, i guess you could say, "in fashion". I think they are ridiculous because what is it to them if i have my OWN money to spend on my clothing? It's not like I'm taking all of her son's money and using it ridiculously. I'm not sure how to approach this problem because I don't want to cause any problems but it is really bothering me and I am not sure I can take the criticism much longer. Any ideas of how to go about this?

Answer 1

Here is my honest advice, do not marry the guy if you cannot stand his family! My friend married a guy who she loved, but from the get go his family was complaining about the fact she wore fashionable clothes, make-up, and the like. Well a few years went by and the her husband started to feel exactly the same way as his parents. It got to the point she was so tired of the constant put-downs from his family that she divorced him. Remember that your future husband will always be close to his family and may one day start saying the same things they say to you. Be ready and prepared for this if you decide to marry him.

Answer 2

Well I really don't know the personalities of the people involved here. I picture the future mother-in-law and her sisters as Italian or Jewish or something, like on a TV show. Once they fatten you up they will say to each other "oh she is so fat, what did she do to herself, she use to be so thin". I just think that they need something to talk about and you are the closest new subject. They don't want to ignore you. Maybe they just don't know what to say to a young women. You are probably just being too sensitive. It is possible that they do not mean anything cruel. They are just joking around. You could tell her that it hurts you when she talks that way, I would bet that she would be surprised and would change what she does.

Couse there is a 2% chance that she hates you and hopes that she will scare you off, but I really don't think that is the case.

Answer 3

It is something we girls we can not avoid if we rae to get married ..we can not escape whatever the in-laws have for us or have AGAINST us. These are the facts we have to learn to accept and as part of the challenges we will face as we bond with a family member (especially sons). BUT this is just for the start. Eventualy, they will love you like a family member also. We just need to understand their feelings of losing someone in the house (if you guys have to move on your own )and not making them the son's priority already (of course he has to take care of the family). Even if there is really nothing wrong on what you wear or what you say..they will always find something odd or a mistake just to try to make you feel outcast. BUT remember the love you have for their son. It is still their son that you will be spending your life wiht. After you got married, there is nothing they can do but live up with you. BUT also, be kind and compassionate to them. Listen to their advice when you, yourself thinks that it is not okay. And love them as your future husband loves your family. Hope this helps. God bless and best wishes.

Answer 4

I just want to say that I know exactly how it feels to be told that you are TOO skinny all the time. I mean people don't want to be told that they are fat, and I hate to be told that I'm TOO skinny. I only weigh 105lbs. and I absolutely cannot gain any weight. I have tried everything I know to do. . .And as far as your future mother-in-law, I recommend asking your husband/fiance if there is any way that he could help you handle the situation. I know my mother-in-law will listen to my husband and I'd rather her get mad at him because she will eventually forgive him, where she may stay mad at me for a long time. And know that a mother-in-law is always gonna be a mother-in-law, I don't think it will ever change. Actually, it seems to get worse for me. Good luck

Answer 5

Have you talked to your fiance about this? If not, tell him what is bothering you, and see how he thinks it should be handled.

If you have pretty good communication with your future mother-in-law (minus her rude comments), then maybe you could gently bring up the subject, and just let her know that it does bother you or hurt you that she would say such things about you.

Maybe she is just jealous that you are taking her son away from her. Some mother-in-laws can be crazy like that, they feel that the wife (or soon to be wife) will interfere with the relationship she has with her son.

Regardless of why it is happening, you do need to try to get past this somehow. Can you imagine how bad this is going to be to live with if nobody speaks up?

Answer 6

They are being rude and insensitive. Your fiance must be aware of how their constant criticisms are affecting you. He is going to marry you & now is the time for him to make it clear to his family that, as his prospective wife, you are entitled to respect. So here's his script: "Mom. You know that I love........ I want us to have a happy life together. As you will be an large part of our life, it is important to me that you and she get along. I am asking you to stop critizing her; it makes me feel bad when you do that." He should not say that you asked him to do this. If your fiance doesn't nip this behaviour in the bud now, then it won't end. AND IT IS UP TO HIM TO TAKE CARE OF IT. Not you. His 1st priority is now you and your happiness together. He shouldn't let his mother & aunts mar it.
Something I will never understand is why some relatives think that they have the right to criticize anyone they wish. All it does is stir up negative and hurtful feelings. It's hard enough in this world to get along w/o having to hurt the feelings of others. Good luck.

Answer 7

They're nosey,jealous and they need to mind they're own business. It's not up to them to tell u how much u should weigh and what to wear. Ur an adult and it's up to u if u want to dress anyway u want and weigh as much as u want. They're just trying to give u a hard time. U may have to put them in they're place by telling them to mind they're own DAMN BUSINESS and leave u the HELL ALONE.

Once u let them know ur not gonna put up with them they will back off.

U said u don't want any problems, the problem is already they with them putting the nose where it should be.

If they feel they can say things to u u shouldn't feel like u can't say something back to them, as long as u don't say anything they are gonna walk all over u, next they'll tell u how ur wedding should be, how to keep ur home adn how to raise ur kids( do u want that)

So u need to nip this in the bud b 4 it goes any farther. Don't worry about them getting mad at u because they may not like u a dn they really shouldn't have given u any reason u feel u should have to put them in they're place.

Oh, u know they may try to use ur hubby to be against u so u really need to talk with him about tis and tell him u have had all ur gonna take from his family.

Answer 8

I don't know why she left but sounds like she did you a favor. She did not tell you how to parent your child she just could not take seeing the baby upset so she left. I would have said OK I'll give her the message.

Answer 9

Man I thought my ex-future-mother-in-law was the devil but man yours takes the cake.

Your going to have to stand up to them and tell them off, if your future wife loves you she will stand by you. This is the only way I can see with out you dumbing your beloved.

Good luck
Prince Zelph

Answer 10

Play it all off in a joking manner. That will surprise them.
Oh my weight it's not a big issue, my weight is according to my size. You know my doc says I am the perfect weight for my size, isn't that good?
Yes these fashions today were never like in your time right? Well you know how time changes things. We like ithe styles of today. They too will pass you know?