What should I do, I have two children and lung cancer men have only a 20% chance to survive the first year and only 15% to survive 5 year. How can I help my two young children to understand this. They might lose their Grandmother too, because she is not orginally from va and she might move back to california after he dies, then my children will have no grandparents. I know I shouldn't think he will die, but it kills me inside to know that we might lose two grandparents
2006-10-26 15:37:36 · 5 answers · asked by fourcheeks4 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I'm so sorry for all of your losses, I lost my grandmother to lung cancer, I lost my grandfather to skin cancer, and another grandmother of skin cancer.
My son is 2 and my daughter is 7 months, but if he dies later they will be older then.
2006-10-26 15:54:13 · update #1
If he is healthy enough now, have them spend as much time as possible with him. (provided he feels up to it) You don't say how old your kids are. My aunt passed away @ 2 years ago. We were very close and my kids liked her a lot. They were @ 8 and 4 when she died. We explained it to them that she had gotten very sick and that the doctors couldn't fix her and she died. We told them that she went to Heaven with God and Jesus. My aunt was not a smoker, but still ended up with lung cancer. I will be brutelly honost, it is a horrible thing to watch someone die of. Towards the end she did not even know who some people were. We miss her terrible, but my daughter is named after her, and so my other two still talk about her. I pray that everything turns out fine, but if it doesn't don't let your kids forget their grandparents. If he passes and your grandmother moves, put pictures up of them, talk about things they did when you were young, etc. Sorry if I seem long winded, but your question pulled on my heart strings and brought a tear to my eye. Bless you.
2006-10-26 15:48:03 · answer #1 · answered by mommyofthree 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure how old your children are, but the way you go about explaining it would differ based on their maturity.
My grandfather passed away from cancer 2 years ago. My daughter was between 18months and 2 years during the duration of his illness. We visited him as often as we could so that we could spend time with him and help my grandmother with errands and chores that he could no longer do. Although my grandfather's health really went down hill, he was at his happiest when he was around the great-grandchildren. Even near the end when he was pumped full of morphine and responded very little to the rest of us, he seemed to surpass the effects of the drugs and was able to hold conversations with my daughter or acknowledge a toy that she brough to him.
Initially, we said nothing to her and let her have time with him as usual. As he started spending more time in bed, we explained that he was very sick and couldn't run around with her as before. After he died, we explained that he was sleeping with Jesus and they were going to put him in a box and put him in the ground. She attended the funeral and threw flower pedals on his coffin.
Two years have passed and amazingly, she still has memories of him and things that they did together while he was sick. She talks about him often and everytime we pass a cemetary asks if that is where he is.
My opinion is that you are doing your children a big favor by exposing them to the whole thing and not shielding them. However, when you expain things to them, it has to be relatively simple because they can't handle complex explanations at this age.
If your kids are older, then they are probably going to take it harder
I feel for you and what you are going through. Make the most of the time remaining. Have no regrets. Take lots of pictures or video so that they have memories.
2006-10-26 16:00:45 · answer #2 · answered by BAM 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Mother died of lung cancer last year. It is a horrible death. Your children need to spend as much time with their Grandfather and see how people struggle and yes die. They need to know that he loved them and they loved him. As far as Grandmother is concerned. Keep the lines of communication open. Her ties as a Grandmother may be stronger than you think. She just may stay if you ask her.
2006-10-26 15:41:43 · answer #3 · answered by Trollhair 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If was within the last few weeks of his life would they not have sent him to hospice? Als remember that if has been diagnosed with cancer and has less than 6 months to live he is entitled to free nursing home care. They don't often tell you that. What sort of hospital tried to feed a 73 year old man curry, for christs sake.
2016-05-21 23:49:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them.Kids are smarter than you think,and they need to know.
2006-10-26 15:48:02 · answer #5 · answered by George K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋