I have a 3yr old and a 4yr old. My 3 yr old will not listen, throws tantrams (about 15 a day), refused to talk or try now. We do timeouts, talks, rewards for good behavior. She just tells us no and when her father and I tell her no or to do something she looks at us gives us this grin and does it anyway. What should I try to do because our 4yr old was a breeze compared to this one.
2006-10-26 15:35:51 · 15 answers · asked by Jenavive 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am going to be absolutely no help b/c I am going through the same thing. I have 4 children ages 7, 5, 28 mos., & 9 mos. My 28 month old son is exactly like your daughter. I've wondered if it's not b/c of the spacing of my youngest 2. He was only 18 mos old when my 4th child was born & it's been like this ever since. No matter what kind of attention I pay him or even how long as soon as my back is turned he is into everything. I get one mess cleaned up & he's on to the next one. Needless to say I'm exhausted at the end of the day.
I've finally become concerned enough(went a long time hoping it was only a phase) that we are going to take him to a therapist. He's not really talking much & his behavior is just tiring so I feel that maybe there is more to it than just him being a child. Hopefully I can find out something helpful. I too have tried the rewards for good behavior, time outs, etc but nothing seems to be working.
But I wanted you to know that you are not the only one dealing with this. Hope we get some relief soon.
2006-10-26 15:44:24 · answer #1 · answered by BreeNewtones 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children don't begin to understand reason until around age five, so the only thing the reasoning and conversations and questions will not get you far. A three year old will only respond to positive or negative reinforcement. It sounds like he's beyond positive, but it's worth trying. This sort of stuff has been mentioned by other answerers: praising him when he does something good, giving him a reason to want to care for the baby instead of hurt her. You're doing a good job by being sure you spend time with him. I'd increase the talk of how he is a good big brother. What a good helper he is, etc. Kids want to be praised. When the baby cries, take the bottle to him and say, she wants her big brother to feed her!! or let him think he's the best at making her laugh, etc. Make him her "protector" teach him the things that are dangerous for the baby so he can make sure she doesn't do them or touch them. eventually teach him to "protect" her from falling off the couch! Negative reinforcement isn't always a bad thing. A firm NO is a good start, if he needs stopped... redirect him immediately. But reasoning, I hate to say it, isn't going to work yet. Keep it up, it's probably a phase.
2016-05-21 23:49:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my kids were that age and refused to do what they were told, I put them in time out but they had to hold their hands way up over their heads. Within 5 minutes they'd be pleading, "Mommy, please can I go clean my room? My hands are soooo heavy!" Worked every time.
As for the tantrums, they're just a bid for attention. I sent my kids to their rooms and closed the door. They were allowed back out when they were ready to behave. That never took more than 5 minutes, either.
Take away toys and things she values and make her earn them back. If she still refuses to put toys away, tell her if she doesn't, you'll give it to charity so a child who'll appreciate it will get it. Be prepared to follow through. If you don't, you'll have no credibility. Bring her with you when you drop them off so she knows you mean business. Sometimes you just have to shock them into taking you seriously. After losing a few treasures, she'll think twice before she defies you. If she does a good job without a hassle, give her something back. Good luck!
2006-10-26 16:42:15 · answer #3 · answered by Chocoholic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know I am going to get some thumbs down on this one but I have to say it. Corporal punishment. Takind tv, toys etc. away just makes them angrier and makes them lash out more. Next time she tells you no, or does something she knows she is not supposed to do, smack her bottom! Or even her hand, her feelings will be hurt more than the initial pop but she will learn that mama means business. Spankings are frowned upon now days but it was common practice not too long ago to see a parent spank a child when they were acting out in a grocery store or such. Children of this generation do not have respect for their parents because they were not taught respect for them. They know that they can do this and all they get as punishment for it is time out?? Come on!! 5 minutes in the corner for telling you NO, or Shut up. A good pop on the rear will nip that.
2006-10-26 15:49:56 · answer #4 · answered by Amber L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well we may not solve this problem tonight, but atleast we can all be in sympathy with one another. My 4 year old is the same way. The only differance is she talks and she talks back. My only advice in your case is that if your daughter is not talking well that may be part of the problem. If she can't express to you clearly what she wants she is going to get frustrated very easily. If the problem is communication find other ways such as signing to help tell you what she wants or Needs. If that doesn't help you may want to look into a speech therapist if she continues to refuse to talk.
2006-10-26 16:34:33 · answer #5 · answered by SuperMomof3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 4 year old and 6 year old, two different little girls. My 4 Year old is horrible.....always into to trouble. I ignore her and put her in a corner where she has to look at the wall. She drew on my floor with a pen and she was there for thirty minutes. She tried to get out. I whipped a good one and ignored her the rest of the night. Now when she does anything i ignore her and she gets mad for a minute and then stops.
2006-10-26 15:49:27 · answer #6 · answered by rayshell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about becoming a parent and spanking your child. Now dont go crazy and think i mean beat your child but thats the reason todays kids are so spoiled and get whatever they want. Parents are afraid to give them a little spank on the ***. A Nice open hand across the bottom will work 95% of the time.
2006-10-26 15:46:38 · answer #7 · answered by rayking19 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First have her hearing checked (will not listen, refused to talk, and throwing tantrums is something common among those too frustrated to communicate in any other way).
Make sure there is nothing wrong with her ability to either hear you or communicate back to you. If there is no problem there, you may simply have a problem child who, given strict boundries, may grow out of it within a short time.
2006-10-26 15:42:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
step one: warning
step two: time out
step three: take a favorite toy away
step four: spanking -
don't be afraid to spank, don't listen to those who claim it's illegal, that is not the case. Sounds like your daughters is screaming for a good spanking. Not just one or two swats, at her age, about 8 good sharp spanks on the bare tush should do.
Main thing be consistent in following the steps
2006-10-26 21:18:17 · answer #9 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go buy the book 1-2-3 Magic... it is a very easy to implement and easy to follow program for disciplining 2-12 year olds... my son had a lot of the same problems your 3 year old has... I took him to a behavior specialist and she recommended this book... it has worked wonders... and it's a quick and easy read
2006-10-26 16:24:36 · answer #10 · answered by Stephanie73 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋