can someone help me figure out if something that happened with me & my cousin would be considered inapropriate

Question

ok so when me and my cousin (i'm a girl and he's a boy) were little, we used to play this one game and we had what was called the octopus chair, and i would sit on his lap, and he would squeeze me as tight as he could, with one arm around me, and the other on my mouth, like i was stuck in an octopus' grip. we were like 4, 5, 6, and 7 doing this. then we stopped. and one day, when i was around 11 or 12. maybe 13. i dunno. he was at my house and we were in my room, and he kept pushing to do the octopus grip again "for old time's sake". and he wouldn't stop bugging me. so i was just like ok whatever. so i sat in front of him and he had his arm wrapped around me, squeezing my stomach, and the other on my mouth. and then i dunno how but the next thing i know his hand had moved from my stomach to my chest lol. and he was still squeezin and breathing kinda heavy lol and he kept scooting me more towards him (wow this embarrassing lol). and i was feeling REALLY uncomfortable and finally

i was just like ok cut it out. and he stopped. but i don't know what to think of that. so can someone please help me out? i am 17 now. we are both the same age. and my whole life he kinda has acted like he had sort of a crush on me.
so was what happened innapropriate, or was a just paranoid? it has been bugging me for years now. lol.

i just felt really violated and i didn't know why. i still kinda do lol.

and i'm kinda thinking it was my fault coz i let him do it?
would this be considered anything, other than just him being stupid?

we don't talk anymore, because, well, i don't like him lol.
and i would prefer to keep it that way!

i know that it was innapropriate, but some ppl on here are saying that it was molestation? is that what it was?

Answer 1

As a kid it was just a game... As a teen, its questionable. But you will never know what his intentions were - and it was only once... so I wouldnt say it was molestation. Dont think too much about it... just stay away from him as much as possible.

Answer 2

You were doing nothing wrong at 4,5,6, and 7 just playing a game. When you were 11 he may have wanted to experiment with his feelings for you and see if it was the same. He did stop which was the right thing for him to do, but if I were you I think that I would let him know how I felt about the whole thing. Tell him that you will never feel at ease with him alone and that he needs to apologize to you. If you keep these feeling locked inside of you it can be very unhealthy. Let him know that you plan to talk to someone that can help you sort your feelings out and let him know that none of this is your fault.

Answer 3

From the sounds of it, it was wrong of him to do this. When you were younger, it was probably just a game and there's nothing to worry about. But when you were 13, I'm guessing you were right! The one thing I can tell you though is this: IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT! It's not the victims fault! You did nothing wrong! How could you have known he was going to do that? Just be careful and if you do start talking again, just make sure you steer clear of a situation that might get you into trouble! Good luck! Hope I helped!

Love always,
Karilyn

Answer 4

we do a lot of things when we are little that seem innocent at the time. however, once you hit age 11 or 12, you basically know what's going on in the world around you. i think that was very inappropriate of him to take advantage of the situation. it wasn't your fault. there is an awkwardness between you two and it won't disappear unless you talk to someone about it. (Since you said you don't talk to him anymore.) What he did is considered molestation. You should talk to someone you trust, like a parent.

Good luck.

Answer 5

he made a move on you - very common for a boy who's learning about the birds and the bees.... usually guys do a little testing to see what it feels like to touch a girl's breast.

Inappropriate yes, but that's how we learn when no one is giving proper instructions and the lack of supervision. We were never allowed to be alone in the bedroom with our boy relatives after the age 7 or 8...

Answer 6

When the last episode happened It sounds to me like he was experimenting with his physical responses. At 13 a boy is just entering puberty and might not really understand the gravity of his actions. All he knew was that it felt good to him. It was highly inappropriate behavior. He knows that now because he has respected your feelings enough to keep his distance since then. I think you should talk to someone. drrachael.com is a good place to start. Once a girl is victimized it can really wreak havoc with her psyche. Please go to someone for help on how to sort it out.

Answer 7

I think you should not play that game together anymore. When yall were kids, it was a totally different situation, you were just kids! If your cousin was breathing heavy, I think that he was thinking of something else besides just the game! Go ahead and tell your cousin that you feel uncomfortable playing this game, I am pretty sure that he will know what you are talking about!

Answer 8

What your cousin did was very inappropiate. You should tell your mother or an adult you feel close to. Do not spend time alone with him. He needs help because he can grow into a predator of women, plus he could be doing this to other young women. You need help because you have been victimized. You are not to blame. Let it out, hon, you'll feel better

Answer 9

at 4 5 6 or 7, it was ok, at 13 he was using you to get off. You better get into therapy quick to deal with the trauma of the molestation.

Answer 10

You were the same age and you allowed it up to a point, and he stopped when you told him to, so it wasn't molestation. It was more like "sex play." You didn't let him do it again, right? So, it was a minor mistake on your part, not exactly your fault; anyway you learned your lesson. It was sleezy on his part.