how do I react when my family?

Question

what do I do when I feel like my in law family is rude like only having a lunch date for 30 mins when I have two children and it takes me a lot of effort to put everything together and I waste my time on 30 mins? I went to my sister in law's house for 20 mins and when her husband came home she made me feel like I have to leave at that moment. I'm a great person to be around and I'm not mean at all. My time is valuable, and how should I react. Should I say I can't go out for only 30 mins because it wastes my gas and I get exhaust lugging my two angels, their 30 pound diaper bag, and their double stroller around. Tell me about your stories like this one to and how you reacted. Thanks

this has happened three times with my mother in law and twice with my sister in law.

My inlaws never come into my house, neither do my parents. It's very strange. My house is uber clean and does not smell bad at all. I have a single family home that my husband and I own. My house isn't that big or small. I feel like if they don't come inside it's like we live in poverty because we don't live like they do. We are in our twenties and they are in their 50 so we have time to get our bigger house.

Answer 1

Maybe when the topic of getting together first comes up, you should ask more questions next time...like how long do you want to go to lunch for? When is your husband getting home? Do you want to do something together after he gets home?

I guess what I am saying is that I think that this is a matter of managing expectations. You obviously had different expectations than what the inlaws had going into it. If you ask questions and understand the situation going into it, then you know what you are in for. Similarly, maybe you should communicate some of your expectations when the topic first comes up. If you ask them how long do you want to get together for and they respond 30 minutes, it's a great opportunity for you to explain what kind of effort goes into getting the kids ready and how it's really not worth all of that effort for a 30 minute visit. Then suggest getting together when they have more free time, or whatever. The key is to play it nicely when you talk and keep positive and upbeat. You really have a negotiation going on and you are trying to get all fo the details out, lay down requirements from both sides, and manage everybodies expectations. That way, you can both come up with a situation that works for everybody.

Maybe they don't realize the effort you go through. Maybe by telling them it will open their eyes. Communication is key.

Now, if you try this and you communicate better and you guys still can't get together, then there is a real problem somewhere.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I would just tell them that if they want to go out, they need to make it on a day where they can stay out longer or do more than just sit to eat for 30 minutes because you have a hard time lugging around the kids and its tiring. They should understand that and realize it anyways without you saying anything but apparently they dont think. My in law family is rude too, but about different things. It can be hard to deal with the in laws.

Answer 3

Don't have a similar story, but why do you bother going in the first place is you feel unwanted??? What is so hard about just saying you are busy and can't make it, you don't need to give any BUT your husband an explanation, and if they are going to treat you that way, why the heck waste your time, energy, and stress over it afterwards. Find new friends instead.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Instead of meeting them where they want you to go invite them over to your house. You will then control the time visiting. You may decide 30 minutes is just enough time with them after all. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Do you think they do it on purpose to make you feel bad? I wouldn't go anymore. Next time they want to see the kids make them come to your house where you have a little more control of the situation.

Answer 7

My father in law always asked me & my daughter to tag along to dinner (my hubby works nights) then at the restaurant he expects my baby & tot to sit still as a board & be completly silent. He would say stupid things like do they act like this at home?? Commom we were at Logan & my daughter was singing to my son, thought it was cute. I usually ended up leaving before the food arrived feeling almost humiliated his family made me feel like if your kids cant shut up than leave. So I stoped going & told them I felt they had unreal expectations. But my husbabnd took it a step further I went out one evening to a candle party & he invited his mom, dad, bro, & sis in law to out to dinner & took our kids. He sat there & sang w/ them (loudly) as his family died of embarrisment.. Itput them in there place w/o me being the bad guy

Answer 8

Invite them over instead....


When they call, just say that you can't get away but you would love to have them over. Then if they want to scoot after 30 minutes, its no skin off your teeth.

Answer 9

I'm wondering why do they even invite you over. That's crazy. I would be really honest with them because that's not being hospitable, especially to those babies. Who do they think they are?

Answer 10

maybe u smell bad