How Can I get my four year old to listen?

Question

My daughter refuses to listen to anything that is asked of her. If I ask her to clean her room she hits the floor in a tantrum or either completely ignores me. I get the same response when I tell her she can't have something or do something. She is almost impossible to take out into public because she runs off and we can't seem to make her understand the danger. She has went as far as going out into the parking lot without us. When we found her all she said was she wanted to go sit in the car. Can anyone give me some advise on how to get her to listen and follow directions. Please Help!!

Answer 1

You certainly do have a " willful child " on your hands. I know that it can be difficult and distressing at times, but to bring such a child to some degree of obedience will take time and dedication. No doubt that your strong-willed little girl will be strong-willed all of her life. But she can be taught to respect authority and live harmoniously within the family despite the fact that she will have an assertive temperament all of her life. This is not a bad thing, it just simply is.
It's important that you don't panic. Don't try to fix your daughter, instead treat her with love and dignity, but require her to follow your leadership. Lay down some boundaries and be ready to enforce them when warranted. Of course, you have to distinguish between willful defiance ( which calls for punishment) and childish irresponsibility. But it's important for your child to know that you are in charge, period. Choose carefully the matters worthy of confrontation, then accept her challenge on those issues and win decisively. Comfort and teach her afterwards and reward every positive cooperative gesture she makes by offering her your attention, affection and praise.
The bottom line is, you have to establish your position as leader when dealing with a strong-willed child, and she will respect you for that. Once she knows who is in charge, she will know that she can be held accountable for her behavior.
When a parent's leadership is a struggle, they are seen by their children as weak and undeserving of respect or allegiance from them. What they need to see are parents who are secure and confident in their leadership.
Being gruff and harsh is non-effective when dealing with children and neither is slapping, threatening, or criticizing. You are the BOSS and the tough child will accept it.
God Bless and Good Luck!

Answer 2

Well, as for getting her to do things like cleaning her room, first of all, I would suggest that you make clear to her exactly what you want her to do (for example, make bed, pick up toys). Then stay in the room with her without helping her until she does it. Even if it takes hours. Even if she misses meals or school or whatever. Even if she throws a tantrum and throws things all over the floor and makes a bigger mess. Then once she has finally done what you've asked of her, praise her and move on. Do this every day at the same time until she figures out that it's unavoidable. Time outs also work well at this age, although I'm not a big fan of them myself.
As for her running away in public, I doubt that she can understand why it's so dangerous for her to do so. So the best thing that I can reccommend is only take her out when both you and your husband can go and then both of you can hold one of her hands. If she tries to run away, get back in the car and go home. Another thing that might work, although many people are opposed to it, is one of those leash things that they make for children. When I was five and my brother was six, we used to try and dash off in different directions in the store. All my mother had to do was threaten to use it and we would behave, I believe that she only had to use it once. Another option would be to give her the option of holding onto the side of a cart or (my mom always used to do this) one of the beltloops on your pants instead of your hand. This way she will still be right next to you, yet have some sense of freedom. Again, if she tries to make a break for it, you will have to go back to the car and go home.

Answer 3

First of all, don't give validation for the behavior.

Temper tantrums should not be rewarded by "giving in" to get her to stop. Let her throw the tantrum. So what? When she is finished, make her do what she needs to. Giving in is only giving the power to the tantrum, and to your daughter.

As for the running off, if she does this, hold her hand. She gets mad, so what? Let her yell and scream. No one is going to really care, and when she sees the tantrum isn't working, she will stop. If holding her hand is a little difficult, you can buy those cute little harnesses that have leashes attached for little ones that like to wander. It may be harsh, but between that or someone walking off with your kid, I would take harsh any day.

Answer 4

First, keep calm and don't lose your cool. As for public field trips, don't take her until she learns that she has to 'stay with you'.

Next, apply appropiate punishments. At four, she should be able to listen and do chores.

For example, you ask her to clean her room. If she ignores you, tell her this is her warning and state that she needs to clean her room. Finally, you clean her room by taking away the toys on the floor and putting them in a box where she can't get them. Everyday she puts on her 'listening ears', she can get a toy out of the box.

You may need to practice listening skills. Cut out big ears to put on her (and your) heads and practice repeating after what the other person said.

Answer 5

Number one, stop taking her anywhere except where she HAS to be. Like doctor's appointment/daycare/preschool. Two, shut the door of her bedroom...in 20 years it's not going to matter whether her room was a mess or not and in 20 years (maybe longer) you're going to wish she were home to mess up that room again. As for the other things...well I always had my daughter on a behavioral/reward system. She was never given anything as far as snacks or toys, television, videos, video games, computer time until she behaved, it is not the RIGHT of a child to have these things, they are not life sustaining commodoties, they are privliges, at least in my home they were and they were give ONLY when my daughter EARNED them by behaving. She only acted up once when we were out shopping, it resulted in her going nowhere other than doctor visits, dentist, and daycare for three months. But those were the rules in my home when my daughter was growing up, I can't tell you how to raise your daughter.

Answer 6

My niece is the same way, it's because her mother is very lazy. My son who is 2 does more than my niece. If she doesn't listen put her in timeout, don't have the tv turned on all the time, because it confuses them, they don't know who is talking to them most of the time. knee down to her lever and give her a short serious talk. Tell her you need to be mommy's big girl and help you. Start the next day by getting her to help you vaccum, sweep the floor, and other household chores. Her cleaning up her own messes, and her doing things on her own.

Answer 7

This is a tough one, but I can say that getting her to fear danger is step number one. I know its hard for a four year old to understand but you have to install some type of fear...not saying you should make her fear you or for you to be mean to her. They have videos out that are made for kids for that topic "dont leave your parents etc...", it may sound kind of silly but I work with kids and it does seem to work. If that fails, you could always try the reward system "if you stay with mom the whole time, we can get ice cream" or something like that. GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

you will could desire to commence doing away with the failings he loves maximum. i'm 24 with a 6year previous and 3 year previous and my 3 year is undesirable approximately listening. Time outs dont artwork for him so I placed his fav toys in holiday . OH that drives him nuts and he has found out to be solid so his toys can pop out and play. solid luck

Answer 9

on the show "super nanny", shes talked about to get a child to listen you have to get down to their level, try to get them to look you in the eye and ask/tell them what you need to. im not a parent so im not sure if it actually does work with someone other than her. just figured id give what advice i do know

Answer 10

get the book 'how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. it's awesome, tried and true, around for decades. well illustrated for quick reads. is she a day care baby or a mommy raised baby? day care babies are less attached to parents and have less intrinsic motivation to obey them. regardless, the book will help.