my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years and we're planning on getting married soon. the problem is i dont have any sexual desire for him. when we do have sex, i dont enjoy it at all. its been like this since the beginning, but this problem has been intensifying cuz after 4 years and no org@sm im frustrated and feel hopeless in this area. he's insisting on a normal sex life (bout 5 times a week), i on the other hand, would prefer no sex at all. however we do love eachother and have a great relationship. we've been working on this for quite sometime now n i dont think its gonna get any better. i have had sex before in a previous relationship and i really enjoyed it. but it seems, with my current boyfriend, it just doesn't work sexually. my question is, can a marriage survive a problem like this? i dont have any sexual desire at all for him, but he has alot for me. im not selfish in this area, its just that when we have sex and it doesn't "work," i feel like giving up
2006-10-26 14:51:50 · 17 answers · asked by nina k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
we've been to sex therapists, have alot of self-help books etc,. we've tried alot of things. about the attraction part, i've never had sexual chemistry for him, so anykind of intimacy feels weird (including kissing). when it comes to sex n O's, he's not very good and he's kinda small (8cms), so i really dont feel anything except irritation. any other suggestions?
2006-10-26 15:19:50 · update #1
Forget about marrying him...he will dump you sooner or later. Sex is a big part of a successful marriage.
Seek a councellor BEFORE you take the plunge...otherwise it will be a BIG mistake.....
2006-10-26 14:54:07 · answer #1 · answered by alphawolf38 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
firstly, i do not know how old you are. secondly, i do not know how good your sexual experience is.
to me, sex constitute an important part of an intimate adult relationship. the love you have for one another constitute to bodily contact.
if you do not enjoy this intimacy and consider it a "chore", u will really need to see a therapist of psychiatrist if you really love him. if you marry him, how long can you do this "chore"?
try and give yourself sometime and look at the root of the problem. Is it you loving him too much that you do not enjoy it as you are trying your utmost to satisfy him? I do not know if talking to him works as some guys have great egos that their girlfirends are not "enjoying".
Talk to someone, if your best friends are the last ones to know, seek professional help. If really can, talk to your guy.
2006-10-26 22:08:24 · answer #2 · answered by alfahomme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you really should break up or have him get "better" at sex. There are usually two things that cause divorce. Money and sex. If you're not getting the sex you want from him, you're going to eventually look elsewhere regardless if you love everything else about him. Unless he's willing to let you have sex outside of marriage to get the sex you want, you'll never be happy be with him.
2006-10-26 21:58:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should try therapy. There is something probably in your head that consumes you.I too earlier in our relationship was going through a hard time my grandparents died I was consumed with school and all these other problems not concerning me and my boyfriend. I got through what was going on in my head and started concentrating on my love for him when we did get intimate I did block everything but us. Now I am 23 and I love having sex with my bf. It used to be dull and I didnt enjoy it but now I do. How I attained a good sex life with my partner is I told him what I wanted and how he should touch me. Basically I taught him all the things I like. Dont get bogged down on sex with him. Work on whats going on with you and everything else will work itself out.
2006-10-26 21:59:22 · answer #4 · answered by vidamar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check with your ob/gyn---I have read about other women with this problem and it said that an ob/gyn can do an exam to see if there is some kind of obstruction or abnormality in the female area. Also, I've heard advertised on tv that there is some kind of over the counter med for women, similar to men's viagra. Good luck!!!!
2006-10-26 21:59:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Add variety in your sex life try diffrent things. Go to an adult store together, and pick things out together. Talk about what you need to him, and also listen to what he needs. Get a digital camera let him take pictures of you. You will be surprised on how much that can arouse you and make you feel sexy.
2006-10-26 21:57:43 · answer #6 · answered by Right Wing Extremist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of two things will happen:
1) the marriage will fall apart.
2) you two will spend a lot of time in therapy....then the marriage will fall apart.
Do yourself a favor and get it figured out before you decide to get married.
2006-10-26 21:58:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this case, I suggest that you see a sex therapist before you get married. It is better to work things out now before you get hitched.
2006-10-26 21:55:30 · answer #8 · answered by Miss J 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well try toys...self stimulation....or have him just concentrate on you for a night and not worry about him. Make a night all about you and pleaseing you.....concentrate on you and only you. Tell him what you want and like. That way in the future he can do things that will turn you on and get you excited.....Try foreplay if you don't do that nowl.
2006-10-26 21:56:25 · answer #9 · answered by babydove1821 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Wow. I'm sorry. Are you just not attracted to him? It sounds like it's not a problem with you acheiving orgasm, but rather that you just don't have any sexual desire. You sound like you're describing a friend, not a lover.
2006-10-26 21:56:45 · answer #10 · answered by Jon M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋