I broke up with him because he hasn't asked me to marry him after 6 years!! did I do the right thing?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and I'm 29 years old. We have an excellent relationships, although we do have regular probs. like most couples, but nothing that is bad. He doesn't disrespect or abuse me. As a matter of fact, he treats me very well. I never doubt the fact that he loves me, and he knows that I love him very much too. I have reached a point in the relationship where I am ready to settle down with him. I want to take care of him, the house and the kids. I don't want to shack up and he understands that, but still he says that he isn't ready right now to propose because he can't afford a ring. he says that he knows that I am "the one", but he can't propose right now. I honestly don't see why he can't because we are both financially stable. I have been patient for a long time. I am not one of those chicks who wants to marry every man I meet. I know that I want him, but I don't have the patience anymore...so I broke up with him last night.

people always say be patient, but we're talking 6 years. I don't think I should be basing things around our relationship when I don't know when he will commit. Saying and doing are 2 different things. I always base decisions around us. I'm not getting any younger, and it sucks because I really do love him.

It's funny that people say to me , "you made the wrong move," or that I'm taking such a big chance. But, don't you all think that he is taking a chance of letting a woman like me walk around with no ring!! I am a pretty good catch, if I should say so myself!! So he's being just as much as a gambler as I am!

I don't think it's a matter of who's right and who's wrong. I would like people to know how it feels to be with someone that you love and you want to have children and build a future with this person. in order for me to do all that I want to be married. I am no knocking those who don't need to have a marriage to have all the above. That is just not my belief system. Also, if it's that he's not ready to be married, that's fine. But, he should at least propose to keep it "on lock". We don't have to run to the nearest church. I don't mind being engaged for a while!

Answer 1

wow. u shouldnt have broken up with him.
you need to be paacient

Answer 2

Sure, you did. If wearing the dress was more important to you than the relationship. He thinks you're "the one" but I'm not sure that to you he's "the one"

But if you really aren't feeling fulfilled in your relationsip then there's no point wasting more time on it. It may be good, but not great. 29's not too old to find someone new.

I think you may have done the wrong thing, but not necessarily. You two have different priorities right now and if either of you feels there's something about the other that you can't live with, then don't stick around complacently hoping it will get better.

ps there's @ 6 billion people on the planet, so you don't have to settle. That doesn't really help you with your feelings for this guy, or in finding a new one, but it's a perspective to keep in mind when you're feeling discouraged.

But one last thing, if you dumped him hoping that it might get him off his rump, and on his knees, then you screwed up bigtime. It's manipulative, for one, and you'll have him stewing in resentment before the end of the honeymoon. Ultimatums and coersion don't work in relationships. But hopefully, that doesn't apply to you. Good luck.

Answer 3

Is the fact that he can't afford the ring a problem? If he truly loves you, then he will do the right thing. Maybe you could get engaged instead. Make a commitment for the near future. Maybe now that you have broken up with him, he might change his mind. If he doesn't then I would say move on. You can't wait forever. I know someone who has been with their man for 17 yrs and not get married. He is afraid of commitment. Some men are. You could just stay with him, if you love him. The choice is yours. You are the only captain of your ship. Happy sailing!

Answer 4

You did the right thing. Let him deal with issues he has been hiding from and because there is something on the inside that is not right and it may be from a long time ago. People without money find a way to marry if they love each other, so the ring and money excuses are just stabs in the dark. I suppose the hardest question to resolve is if he really loves with a heart felt love, rather than a need and want love.

Answer 5

He could be thinking of other issues aside from the ring. You need to ask yourself if he's a deep thinker or a simple man. Some men like to over analyze situations like budgeting enough for a house, car, kids, long term retirement plans. Perhaps, when he said he couldn't afford a ring, he probably meant what he said. If you are half suspecting that he's commitment phobic, then ask yourself how your boyfriend was able to stay committed to you for 6 years? It takes two to tango, but you are dancing to your own timing. A successful relationship can only happen when the right things happen at the right time.

I'm 30 and I have met my soulmate only last year. He's told me the same thing - that he can't afford a ring and he can't marry me yet. And I understand why, he's financially stable but he's still poor. I've met men who are doing well in their jobs and they propose without much forethought. But that's not love. That's just insincere proposals to help chart their own milestones in life.

Answer 6

I think you did the right thing. If he really loves you and wants to be with you, he should ask you to marry him by this time. I am in a similar situation but we are happy the way things are now. We are older so we don't plan to have children. I think most men are really afraid of the sex thing and not having any after marriage (rumor has it, but it doesn't have to be that way of course). If he tries to get back with you again, I would just tell him exactly how you feel and what you want. Maybe, there is a way you can both come to an agreement.

Answer 7

Do you seriously think blackmail is any basis for a relationship to work? get real! your heading for divorce within a couple of years. marriage is a contract of no choice, take the minds choices away it rebels, everysingle time, and you trying to manipulate it to fit your Walt Disney fairy story! Love or life doesnt "look a particular way and if you think it does your going to end up in some serious upset of unfullfilled expectations ! maybe even left on the shelf for life ! who told you relationship or love was supposed to look a particular way or "your way" anyway??? All your doing is being how right you are how wrong he is. I think thats called domination, manipulation and controlling! now put the shoe on the other foot! do you like how it feels???? or you could be just deliberately sabotaging and testing the realtionship because really you want out!

Answer 8

Been there done that. More than likley he will try other waters and maybe even you. Then if he mises you after a while he will return but it may never be the same with you'll. He may never ask you to marry him there are guys like him whom you describe who love love love but never commit..some are scared. I have broken up before with someone whom I cared for very much we did the same dance you guys did he never commited or said where we stood ..he went his way I went mine then later he was ready to get really super serious with me and I shunned him and regret it. He has been in a serious relationship with a girl now for 5 years and still will not commit to marry he told me when I spoke to him he will not go there, I am sure she will tire of this . I hope this helps .

Answer 9

he said he knows that you're the one, and if your relationship was as good as you described, why couldn't you wait a little longer? I mean you have or I should said had a great relationship, and that you guys love eachother very much, and have been together for 6 years, you could just wait a bit longer till he's ready. I think the fact that you broke up with him is a wrong move, you might regret it if you can't find someone as good as him, or you might not, if you find someone better. You should rethink about what you did.

Answer 10

I think u guys need a break!!
If he loves u as much as he says he does he will go buy u that ring and propose to u very soon!!
I'm experiencing the same problem with my man... i think it comes down to the fact that they r scared of full on commitment or they truly just dont want to grow up!!

Good luck
and dont watever u do, give in!!!!

Answer 11

just because he doesn't want to get married doesn't mean he's afraid of commitment, you know?
I don't think you should have broken up with him but that's alright. Usually being married ruins everything. He could feel like a prisioner and then he could start doing what most guys do nowadays...cheating you with other women.
Is that what you really wanted to happen? just because of a piece of paper? if you were together for 6 years you were already his wife. You can still fix it but you shouldn't impose marriage on him, it's wrong.
But I am just a guy, so what do guys know about anything ? =)