I've fallen head over heals for a married man. He's everything I've ever wanted in a guy except he's married. He is in the middle of an ugly divorce and was when I met him. But his wife and him still live together for "financial purposes." I'm pretty much a dirty little secret to his friends and family until the divorce is final, and it could drag on for a long time. He treats me better than I ever imagined being treated, except for the secret thing, and I really care for him. Am I kidding myself here or does this affair have a chance?
2006-10-26 12:34:37 · 25 answers · asked by KatieK 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Now ain't he just the smart one? Having his cake and eating it too! Please respect yourself more than this. He will still be in the middle of an ugly divorce when he replaces you....after you get too needy, too demanding, and too impatient.
You are both committing adultery no matter how creatively you want to term it. Meanwhile, wife has it all, the home, the cars, the paycheck, the man in her bed at night...and in the morning! You have secrets, guilt, loneliness, and jealousy. You will always be dirty to his family and friends. Haven't you ever seen Jerry Springer or Oprah? You have no idea if there are other "dirty little secrets" in his life...and what diseases they may carry.
Be smarter than him...change your number, get a new job, move away. You are worth more than this. Take a hike!
I don't mean to sound callous. I know this is hard and you "love" him. Love yourself. Leave.
2006-10-26 12:46:55 · answer #1 · answered by Annamaria 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Anything is Possible,
But in reality being Semi-Married is like being Semi-Pregnant, there is no 1/2 way about it, either you are or Your Not!
And IRREGARDLESS of "Financial Purposes" he wouldn't still be there if he REALLY didn't want to be.
As long as the way that he is currently living;meaning having his cake, Ice cream and Chips. I don't see anything changing about your dirtyly little secret. It will remain what it always has been a bunch of (I would, if I could promises, and a ton of explanations as to why right now (which will always be the time frame) is not a good time to leave the family) Remember the Holidays are coming up and HE WILL BE WITH HIS FAMILY this year, just as he has every year prior and don't expect that to change now or for the long haul of the "So Called" LONG LASTING but Ugly Divorce. The hard part about that is that all you have to base your relationship longevity on is his words.
See Doll, if he is as good to you as you say he is, He is not the Only man in the world with those skills. Just like you met him, you can meet someone just as capable to give you all of those same things, and that someone should be single.
Ugly divorces don't keep people in a house together, Families Do, and you cannot put yourself above his family, and I am not saying that you want to, What I am saying is you deserve to be a 1st hand PRIORITY and a Married man will NEVER BE ABLE to make you that. So before you fall too far Head over heels (because we all know that lands us on our faces) step back re-evaluate your desires and the things that you deserve.
You deserve an undivided man, which unfortunately your married man has explained to you that he is not able to be (as per the line about how the divorce might drag on for a long time, statements like that are made to keep you from asking when will it be just you and I, when will we be together? When will your divorce be final?) By letting you know that "These things take while" he ensures himself the best of both worlds as long as you will let him have it!!
And You My dear sound like you deserve a lot more than that!!
In no way am I trying to bash you or him, I have just seen this scenario far too many times and the odds of the relationship with the mistress working out, long after the divorce are Slim to none!
So think about yourself in this equation, You really have the best and the upper hand, don't waste it on someone that is unable to reciprocate your love and the time that you need to be with the one you love!
Its far better to deal with someone that is Single just like you! That way you can build into the relationship that you want, instead of being stuck with what you can get, whenever you can get it, because even though the treatment and the gifts are good, they too will die out, when you need more!
I hope that this information is helpful to you, I know its your life and you will do with it whatever you want, These are just My Thoughts!!
Take Care Lil Mama
2006-10-26 13:08:48 · answer #2 · answered by Just My Thoughts... 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are asking for a lot of heartache. If what you know about the divorce only comes from him there is a better than even chance he is lying about it. What ever he has to do to stay in your bed he may very well do.
Assuming he is on the up and up. Are you the reason for the divorce or did you come along after that? If you are the reason your future with him may be okay, if not you should be very skeptical about the whole thing.
Regardless.....if you are smart......you will tell him no more bed time until after the divorce. This will put the appropriate pressure on him to get it done. And it will tell you just how much he cares for you.
I do hope he will still be around for you.
Either way you will be better off than now.
2006-10-26 12:45:44 · answer #3 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has a slim chance. If he's keeping secrets from his friends and family, then he'll probably keep secrets from you too at some point. In the meantime, if you just keep it casual and enjoy the attention when it happens, then why not enjoy. However, if you are thinking this is really going to bring you 'happily ever after', then you may wish to move on to just dating. There are a lot of fish in the sea, so why waste the best years of your life on a losing proposition. If he ever gets that divorce, then you might reconsider a more serious relationship with him. Good luck!
2006-10-26 12:44:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF A SEMI-MARRIED MAN!!!!!! Are you sure he's still with her for the financial part---this is very UN-likely. I think you are being strung along girl. Also having a relationship with a married man, or one getting a divorce is getting a man that will turn around and do the same thing to you one day. Think about it. I'd get out while the gettin is good.
2006-10-26 12:42:36 · answer #5 · answered by roncarolhillsstupid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How does it feel to be a "dirly little secret"- are you proud of yourself? And this is what you call being treated "better than you imagined"? How sad.
You're kidding yourself. He's a married man who currently lives with his wife. The "financial reasons" is one of the oldest lines in thh book. If you stick around, you'll deserve all the heartache you'll get.
PS. Be careful- you could be named in the divorce proceedings because if he's cheating, his wife will burn you up. If the divorce is ugly now, imagine how bad it's going to get with his trashy whore (you) in the picture.
2006-10-26 12:41:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look lady, i'm only 20 and not married, but even i can tell that this isn't turning out good. If you love your husband you need to end your other relationship. The grass always seems greener on the other side until you get there, then you see it different. If you pick your "friend" then you are destroying 2 marriages. You know, if you don't cut it off, its only gonna cause more problems, and eventually ya'lls innocent encounters are gonna escalate into more. Best of luck to ya
2016-03-28 08:39:17 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may work out, then again you could be a much needed distraction. Just enjoy it for what it is. Chances are he may never want to get married again or want more children. Only time will tell. You have to remember that most married men are attractive only because of the wife's input and once that is over he may only want to play the field for a while.
2006-10-26 12:43:34 · answer #8 · answered by barbie2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been where you are and was there for five years. I heard the same thing you are hearing about the finances and how he wanted out, etc. You are kidding yourself if you think this man is going to actually leave his marriage for you. You need to get a life of your own and tell him when he is actually out of the situation to look you up and if you are still available you will go from there. You are the loser in this situation. He is using you and no matter what he tells you or how he treats you it is wrong.
You should think more of yourself. Someday, you will look back and see that I am right. If he actually does leave and looks you up, you would never be able to trust him. If he did it to his wife, he will do it to you! I hope this helps. Good luck to you in the future.
2006-10-26 12:40:28 · answer #9 · answered by Libragal 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
he is either married or not. there is no inbetween. First off he needs to get out of the house. What is he going to do after the divorce. So what if the wife knows about you. they aare getting a divorce. If in fact they are getting a divorce
2006-10-26 12:40:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋