My boyfriend of a year and four months broke up with me a while ago, very cruelly. He lied and said he couldn't handle the stress of a relationship, but later I found out it was because he'd found someone 'better'. I still wanted to try and be friends afterwards (we were great friends before we started dating), but he called me names, told me to '**** off', said he hated me, etc etc.
But I've found this great new guy named Sean. He's so nice. He's genuinely appreciative and caring, and treats me so well. We were friends starting about a week after my boyfriend broke up with me, and he's just a great person. He would never treat me the way my ex has been lately - he's appalled by it.
I like him, and he likes me, and we both know these facts. But, for some reason, I'm scared to date him. I think it's a subconscious fear left over from that breakup - maybe I'm scared to get hurt again or something.
How do I get rid of this feeling? I want to be ready for a relationship.
2006-10-26 12:31:18 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's not like I want to rush or anything, I'd just like to be able to get past whatever's holding me back from having another relationship.
2006-10-26 12:35:11 · update #1
No, I didn't move on after a week, that's just when I met Sean and we became friends. he was supportive of me when I needed someone there for me.
2006-10-26 12:40:49 · update #2
Your boyfriends mentally abusive behaviour as left you feeling like everyone else is going to treat you the same way.
You trusted him to love you and he has disappointed you.
The only thing you can do for yourself is to forget him, it will be hard of course, but do spend time Sean, don't be afraid to open up your feelings to him, he sounds like the type of person to understand.
After your ex's ridiculous behaviour it will be hard for you to trust males again. Its awful to see one guy turn a females perspective on all men negative. It's shouldn't be like that.
Time will help to become ready for a relationship, you just have to move on and focus on Sean, not on your ex.
Sean is here now and he is all that matters, you shouldn't be spending anytime thinking about your awful past relationship.
If your ex does come into your life, show him just how it feels to be thrown around and to feel like your nothing, in fact, don't even acknowledge that he exists.
2006-10-26 12:38:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I mean why are you scared to date him? If he's treating you right and he's showing no signs that he's going to be detrimental to you, then just get over it! And maybe it is because you're dating someone new. Because you're in the rebound period... Maybe you're afraid that he'll do the same thing that your ex did.. But that's why you have to take a chance and just suck it up! The worst thing is that you didn't try someone new. And another thing is you jumped onto another train after a week? Maybe the wounds haven't healed completely yet. I would still date him, but I wouldn't be full fledged yet because it's moving kinda fast, even though you guys are hitting it off well. Give yourself space and time away from him enough that you feel that you're in this with a clear mind and concentration. Don't go into another situation with your baggage. Leave your old bags at the door and come in empty headed and handed for a new one. Good Luck.
2006-10-26 12:38:21 · answer #2 · answered by Dr. PHILlis (in training) 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a woman that has been in the same position and basically I still am. This is gonna sound crazy but I feel like that about my 1st love and we were together 10yrs ago in middle school. We still keep in touch, but both of us have families of our own now. I don't know what to say to you, but I do know one thing; you can't let her see the jealousy because she may feel threatened by that and will stop talking to you all together. Hold on to the friendship that you do have because that's better than never talking to her at all considering how much she meant to you. Good luck.
2016-05-21 23:19:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear ya!!! It will take some time to get over the whole nasty break-up. But in the end you will be glad you got someone who really cares about you instead of someone waiting on the NEXT BEST Thing! Most guys are like that. they date someone until something better comes along. Yup I fell victim to this nasty scheme! but i got out and i think it made me stronger! So good luck with the new guy!
2006-10-26 12:39:03 · answer #4 · answered by vallygirl24 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a similar situation before and you gotta just say F it and take the risk if it doesnt work out well so be it but if you dont and he moves on to another girl you might be sorry take the risk believe me I am know married to one of my best friends good luck lifes way to short don't waste time!!!
2006-10-26 12:38:51 · answer #5 · answered by JustMe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is perfectly normal to be nervous to get into a relationship after something like that. the only way to get over it is time. but the best thing is to realize that he was a jerk and that you are better than him and don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he hurt you. try it with this other guy and see where things lead to. good luck
2006-10-26 12:41:47 · answer #6 · answered by Stacey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im not sure but i hate break ups and im sorry that happened to you. I think you might just want to take things slow with the new guy, cause seriously there is no need to rush anything, I would be scared to jump into something new, cause honestly it gets old fast.
2006-10-26 12:36:25 · answer #7 · answered by Dreamer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it slow, make sure that you're ready. Let yourself get comfortable with the concept of dating again, hanging out with Sean will help to settle your doubts.
2006-10-26 12:37:13 · answer #8 · answered by Kati J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read a book called "Creative Visualization" by Shakti Gawain or any books written by Wayne Dyer. These books give you tips on how to overcome subconcious fear.
2006-10-26 12:34:56 · answer #9 · answered by prad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The feeling won't go away until you make it. Either you are ready or you aren't. All you can do is take a chance and let the other BS go. Make sure you are over your ex.
2006-10-26 12:43:20 · answer #10 · answered by Hpnotiq 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋