is it sad to feel alone I'm going through some turmoil right now with my daughter and i feel totally alone

Question

i'm a single mum with no partner to give me emotional support..My daughter is refusing to come home for the third night running all because i wouldn't let her go on the computer as a punishment for coming in late.. she just wont accept any boundrys she only wants to live with me if she can have it all her own way and come and go as she pleases she doesn't lift a finger to help in the house or anything she thinks i'm a walking bank and i'm only on a low income i barely struggle to keeep us afloat.. i love the girl to bits but just can't get through to her anymore she's shut herself off and is hell bent on a path of self distruct even her friends have tried making her see sense.. i don't know what to do any genuine thoughts or ideas would be greatfully appreciated we used to be so close i just don't know what i've done wrong to her she's 16 by the way

i live in the uk and the police wont do anything as she's classed as an adult

Answer 1

Tell her if she wants a computer, then go out, get a job and pay for it herself. Personally I wouldn't panda to her. Fine if she doesnt want to come home then dont, but dont expect to get money, food and a bed. She needs to learn to respect your authority. You have to STAY firm. You are her mother, and what you say goes. Unfortunately at this age, we all thought we knew it all. I know your not alone. You need to say to your self, right thats what you wanna fine, and this is what i'm gonna do - go and join a yoga group, or WI, or some group, where you can be with other adults. Maybe once she sees you're getting on with your life, she'll stop acting like a big baby. Good luck.

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel! I feel like all my friends have drifted away since high school, which ended over a year ago. I haven't met anyone at the community college I've been going to. I have a job, and I talk to people there but whenever we try to make friends, they ALWAYS flake out. Boys hit on me online, but I always freak out at the last minute about meeting them in person. All this summer free time just makes things ten times worse! I think keeping busy is better. Getting involved. I'm applying for another job, just for the summer. And when school starts, I'm gonna join at least one club, even though I'm really nervous about it. Try volunteering. If anything, just get out and go for a walk around the block. That can sometimes help. Also I took a yoga class last semester, and I think any physical activity can take your mind off things. If you have insurance for it, I REALLY think you should see a therapist. Just talking about things helps a lot. I saw a therapist twice until I found out insurance didn't cover it...those were like two of the best days of my summer (as pathetic as that sounds.) Good luck.

Answer 3

Hang in there your not alone!!!! Stand firm on your house rules!!! do not Bend. Talk is cheap and action speaks louder than words be consistent. All else fails get family counseling, She's only doing this because she knows she can, stop being the bank make her earn EVERY DIME SHE GETS FROM YOU. If she runs away and you know where she is, go and get her and bring her home. Love will find a way don't give up on her you are all she has. You were close once you can be close again. Stay on her *** about doing the right thing. She will thank you when she's older

Answer 4

I think this is quite a common problem among 16 year old girls, and I'm sure it must be very difficult, particularly if you are dealing with it on your own. I don't have any children of my own, but at the same age my older sister behaved in much the same way and I saw the frustration it caused my parents.
I think that communication is the key - I'm sure that you have tried your best to talk to her about it, but she needs to feel that you respect her and the fact that she is growing up. Perhaps you could try bargaining with her? e.g. if you come home by 10 o'clock (or whenever you choose) then I will let you go to .... (wherever). That way she has the opportunity to earn some trust from you, and she will know that you respect her and will be much more likely to respect you in return.

Hope it works out for you!

Answer 5

There is hope she is just growing up, I know it's not easy right at this moment in time, I am in the same situation as you and I had some real problems with my daughter she was even arrested twice, she would some nights come home drunk and other nights I would not know where she was. It lasted about 8 months I was out of my mind with worry and like you kept thinking it was my fault. I don't know what changed her or why but I have my daughter back now, she phones me if she is going to be late and she has not been in any trouble for about two years. Just make sure she knows you love her ( I know it,s hard sometimes) and that you are there for her she will come back to you and your relationship will be even stronger. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Very hard to answer this type of question in this type of forum.

Please ignore some of the crazy answers you have been given, like throw her out etc-

She is only a child and is in turmoil about something.

Even if she does not say or show it, she loves you very much.

We always hurt the ones we love most.

It is important that you first find our where she has been staying, to at least give you some peace of mind.

Be sure she is safe- you should ask her friend as she will not tell you or may lie.

Then take some expert advice, maybe child line, remember parents can call the line as well.

You need to understand her issues and why she is being the way she is.

She thinks she is all grown up now.

To get started try and get her to met you something outside the home (neutral environment) and ask her how she is feeling and what is wrong.

Give her back her PC- she is to old to be punished, try and treat her like an adult-at least you might get her to come home

If she opens up, great, if she does not, then do not push, then ask her what you can do differently.

Explain your circumstances, maybe she does not realise-

One last thing, when did you last give her a hug and tell her you love her?

These words and actions should not only been said in times of crisis

But please get help from an agency.no one on Q&A is qualified-

Good luck- and I wish you well my friend

Answer 7

Try going to sites like http://www.4troubledteens.com/
There might be support groups on your area for single parents too- it's worth a shot.
I'm 24, and I remember being 16 very clearly- I was not a pleasant child to raise. Take heart! As long as she stays in school and doesn't get into trouble with drugs or crime, she WILL most likely grow out of it.
Try sitting down with her and having an adult-to-adult conversation- don't be condescending or act judemental. Just tell her how you feel and how the way she's acting is affecting you. Find out what her actual wants and needs are, and maybe you can reach a compromise. I wish you luck!

Answer 8

I'm really sorry to hear that you are so upset.
Explain to her it is either your way or no way at all.
Stop being her bank and stop letting her get away with it.
Stop doing her washing ironing, buying her clothes etc if she wants to be an adults then she Will have to act like one and adults do things for themselves.
Is she still in school?? can a teacher talk to here if she is not make her find a job and pay board and lodge just like adults do.
hopefully she is just going thro a little phase like all teenagers.
good luck and take care x

Answer 9

I wish there was something I could say to help you but guess all you can do is hang in there and hope she'll come home soon.

Do you know where she is staying? If you trust the people she's staying with, give her some space for a few days. Teenagers are very hard to deal with and when we try to do what we think is best for them, they see often see it as harrasment but eventually they will grow up and understand why we set those rules.

Good luck to you

Answer 10

You are not alone, my mum and I went through a similar thing in my teens. Hang on in there you are trying to do the right thing and she just needs to show you how she can put her foot down too. Just remember you love her and everything will smoothe out. Maybe the two of you can sit down and rework your rules. Ask her what she wants and both of you try and bend a little. She won't understand now but she will appreciate what you're trying to do later on in her life just as long as she knows (ie tell her) you love her.