I need more advice from the women. What is your read of this situation?

Question

need help from the adult ladies out there, it would be greatly appreciated. I need to know how to read this situation so I don’t make an a** of myself tomorrow (I’m 30, and this girl is 34, neither of us have ever been married). I went out with this girl twice, the last time was a year and a half ago. The first time we went out things went ok and we made plans to go out again. Then one of her longtime friends got in the way and they began seeing each other. She lives one hour away from me so it would have been a long distance relationship. She broke up with him a few months later. We went out again shortly thereafter. I went to see her. At the end of the date, she said that she would have to come down to see me next time. she had indicated previously that the distance turns her off because she has to drive 45 minutes everyday to work and that was what was precluding her from starting a relationship with me.. It’s really complicated, but like an idiot I never asked her down because I kept coming back to the “she doesn’t like the distance thing so she isn’t really interested”. I didn’t want to have to deal with the rejection because she is an awesome girl and I could have seen myself falling hard for her and then end up hurt. If I missed my chance with her I’ll never forgive myself. Here’s the thing. We’ve kept in touch consistently for the last year and a half and email nearly daily (sometimes to the point of excessive since we are both at work!). Sometimes about absolutely nothing at all, but other times about life and what’s happening in each of our lives. Over this time I’ve begun to realize that I have some serious feelings for her, like she might be THE ONE. Back in January I realized this and I asked her out to lunch but she said that she had started seeing someone and “didn’t think it would be fair for all of us involved” to get together. So we went on like usual. I casually mentioned to her about a month ago that I had started seeing somebody (I’m not anymore but she doesn’t know that), and she immediately responded by suggesting that we needed to get together sometime. She is planning on coming down to my town to do some shopping and wanted to get together with me afterwards. Today, she mentioned that she’d like to switch up the schedule though, that she wants to see me first then do the shopping later. Can you give me your interpretation of the situation? Am I in the dreaded “friend zone” or is there a chance she is waiting to see my reaction and if I still have interest? I need the female perspective. Thanks in advance for your help, I am an absolutely pathetic mess.

Thanks. It's not like I'd propose any time soon, I just want the opportunity to tell her and more importantly, show her how special she is. I want to make her feel like she is the only woman in the world. In my mind and in my heart, I truly believe that she is an incredibly special girl.

Answer 1

I am 39. I don't like to play games. I like it when someone is upfront and honest from the get go.

It sounds like she might have been interested and wants to see you. Are you interested in going the distance to see her? She doesn't have to drive to see you all the time does she? You need to be honest with her. Tell her you are no longer seeing the other person. It makes me wonder why she suddenly wants to get together with you when she thinks you are with someone. You don't want someone who only is interested when you are with someone and then is willing to drive the distance. When she comes down, talk to her about your feelings and see how she feels. See if you are both now ready for a relationship. Long distance relationships are hard. I wouldn't want someone far away. She sounds like she has been honest so far. You may wind up being just good friends forever. You won't know until you talk about it. If you don't get anywhere on this conversation, you probably will just remain good Friends.

Answer 2

Start sending her flowers weekly and putting "Love" at the end of the salutations. Balloons, cards, anything that would make her head spin! Do not let up even if it costs you a fortune! If she does have other boyfriends then she is going to have a hard time concealing all the stuff you are going to keep sending her. After about a month of this then tell her directly that you want to have a permanent relationship with her. Keep her in the unknown for the whole month of flowers and stuff because its the element of the unknown that appeals to a woman. If this for some odd reason doesn't work then kiss the relationship goodbye because if this doesn't get the point across then its hopeless but at least give the best shot you can don't worry about the money, we waste more money on T.V. then actual courtships ever. Trust me on this one! It will blow her away! If it works by the end of the month I would buy her an engagement ring even if you don't want to get married right away but this is very important to a women to know she has a future with a guy like that. I sure would if i were her and it would also put an end to the sporadic dating she is doing. I think she is dating if she really is at all to try to shake you up so you will get in gear and figure out what you want as far as a relationship is concerned. You better get on the ball or you will lose her!

Answer 3

She probably doesnt know what she wants, but why not just be casual about the whole thing and have a good time? See where it leads? People sometimes jump in to relationships without really knowing each other. Later it becomes a real mess when a person turns out to be something altogether different than you expected... People should be friends and companions before they get serious with each other. If you like to be with her and have fun, then take it easy and see how much you really enjoy each other. There is always time for the Big Commitment but that should be something both parties are ready for. I dont think you have spent enough time together to really know each other.
That's just my opinion. But I have witnessed many people fall head over heals in love and in 6 months wonder what in the world they could have seen in each other.
I wish you luck in what ever you decide, but chill a little. Things will work out in their own time.

Answer 4

At the moment you're in the friend zone and to get into the relationship zone given the hours driving distance you both have to be prepared to make an effort for the relationship to work.
It doesn't sound like she's willing to try or to make that much effort but you never know she may have matured since you last got together so I wouldn't give up hope but I also wouldn't expect too much.

Answer 5

Hi JR, Sweety what i am getting out of all of this,is she is a user. If something happens with her other relationships she runs to you.You telling her you are seeing someone else,made her jealous that another was interested in you.The best thing is to walk away from this whole mess.Besides that,if she runs across someone else more interesting than you,she will drop you like a hot potatoe.Find someone who is really interested in you.No one deserves to be treated the way she has done you. A Friend

Clowmy

Answer 6

she wants to know how it will go, and as you should too. If there is chemistry you should both pursue the relationship. It doesnt sound like you two live that far away. and you can start off to see each other on weekends that way its not that tiring after work. And I hope you found the one, meanwhile, meet her, compliment her, if you feel like things are going well, ask her on a date. :) Good luck!

Answer 7

Remember that book last year, "He's just not that into you?'' written by the guy that writes for Sex in the City. Well, I'm sorry to say this but SHE'S NOT THAT INTO YOU. It seems that you are a shoulder to cry on, someone to hang out with but nothing more. Believe me, if someone really likes you, there's no stopping them from seeing you or hanging out with you. You are the "FILLER" guy....someone to fill in between the real boyfriends. Drop it.. believe me. You deserve better and will find it in someone who would be more than happy to drive to eternity to SEE YOU. :) Best of luck!

Answer 8

Shes "feeling it out"

***Try to plan "dates" in a town thats a equal distence from both of you. That may become a good way to see each other often.***

Keep talking frequently.

Maybe by the time leese time comes around, ya'll would have a good relationship going, & you or her or both of ya may want to move to the town thats equal distence. Ya'll could still keep ur same jobs then to. Then you'll be closer & could see each other more often.

Answer 9

Is she still seeing that guy? If she is then she is enjoying the fact that you are still carrying a torch for her and now that you might be getting on with your life she feels the need to pop in and pull you back into hers. I hate to say this but ive done that very same thing before. If she isnt seeing anyone now then I say go for it and just relax ... Have lunch and see where it goes.
she may just want to see if her and your feelings are the same.

Answer 10

She could be thinking of you as a friend then again she may just want to check you out!