I was adopted in 1961 after I was born. I have only one adopted brother not blood kin. We don't get along at all. My adopted dad died in 1988 and was a big blow to my life he was our rock in the family. I'm a caregiver for my mother for three years now. It's hard to see my mom go out with alztimers. My brother is power of attnorney..learned the hard way he's after the house that mom and dad had promise to me. He went with mom and changed the will that we split everything 50-50 which means i have to pay him for his half of the house. I don't have a house cause mom and dad said for me not to even worry about it that they had left their house to me. He has a brand new house that he got after the one he had caught fire. I just wish I knew if I have real brothers or sisters that I can bond with and have a better relationship.
2006-10-26 10:11:12 · 16 answers · asked by butterfly 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First, let me say that I all too well understand where you're coming from. My mother was the main caregiver to her parents. My grandparents tried to change their estate so that she would be rewarded for giving so much of herself so that they could stay out of a nursing home. In the end, the courts said that right of survivorship was invalid in the State of Kansas as she could have unduly influenced their decisions. I don't know how things are in North Carolina, but if it's similar you might be able to have the will overturned that gave him 50-50. Being power of attorney, knowing that she suffers from a mentally debilitating disease and then have her change the will so that he financially benefits would certainly be worth looking into.
On the adoption side of things, my wife was adopted in 1964 after she was born. After her mother and father died, I helped her search for her birthmother. I'm happy to say that we found her and the two of them have a great relationship. This is good because my wife's parents had a natural child after adopting her and so they never let her forget that she wasn't "blood".
Finding out your adoptive roots is tough. It varies state-by-state as to what rights you as an adoptee have. Hopefully you can request the original birth certificate. It might just have your birthmother's name. But, that's a start.
Good luck on your quest. May God bless you with the all the caregiving you have done.
2006-10-27 09:05:15 · answer #1 · answered by sir_galahad_ks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can feel for you. My mother died 3yrs ago. The house was suppose to have been divided between 5 of us. The eldest got it because 1yr before mom died, she got the deed into her name. My mom was scared to be left in a Senior center. My mom's sister just died of cancer and mom was her caretaker for her last 6months of life. The remaining 4 would have been OK if the eldest had to take care of mom. But, she didn't, mom died quickly at her best friends house. So we got nothing.
I have half brother's and step brother's (mom was married 5 times) and plenty of extended family. We tried to bond, it never worked. Too much bad things came out , we were safer with just us 5.
Still it doesn't hurt to look. Just don't get you hopes up with the warm fuzzies. The grass is always greener on the other-side.
If you want a better family I suggest that you find a church home. My family is more than 2hrs away. My church became my extended family. They were so helpful and loving when mom died. A group(of 7) came over 2 hours away just for the funeral.
2006-10-26 10:32:06 · answer #2 · answered by believer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if you have a great relationship with your brother it's still ok to be curious about your birth family.
That being said - your brother sounds like an ***. If you want to search for your birth family - do it. When it comes to adoption the old saying of : Expect the worse but hope for the best - is good to follow. Even if you find your birth family this does not mean that you'll be able to bond with them. Just because you are a good person does not mean they will be.
Your parents sounded like great people but their own flesh and blood didn't turn out as nice. (if I read that right. it might be that he's adopted too) My point still stands though.
If you wish for it - do it. Get going before time runs out. Good luck.
2006-10-26 10:17:24 · answer #3 · answered by betsymaemae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny what death any money will do to a person.Today an adoption is pretty well open for all concerned. Back when you were adopted, it just didn't work that way. Find them if you can. But don't be surprised if you are rejected. Try and talk some sence into your greedy self centered brother. If not, tell him he needs to take care of your mother then you need to move on.
2006-10-26 10:18:52 · answer #4 · answered by Bob P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you could use some support. I don't think there is anything wrong with you wanting to find out if you have blood siblings, especially since you already know that you were adopted. I would say go for it. Knowing at this point would be better than wondering. If and when you should find them be prepared for anything. I hope that you find what you are looking for.
2006-10-26 10:19:05 · answer #5 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cant you find out from the agency??? If i were you i would defiantley try. Your not kin brother sounds like a real greedy jerk. Or hes just jealous of you. Call the agency and find out what you can do,,,im sure there is someone who can help you with this. People find thier loved ones all the time,,,you just need to see how you go about doing it. GOOD LUCK WITH THIS.
2006-10-26 10:15:42 · answer #6 · answered by michelle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to know. If for no other reason than family health history. Find out when your "brother" took your mom to the attorney to get the will changed. If she was already suffering from Alzheimers it can be contested. Good Luck. I have a brother somewhere and probably will never know him.
2006-10-26 10:15:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the state you live in. I actually have cousins that did this and they had to go to a different state from where they lived because once adoption had taken place the law didn't specify blood relation it only specified relation which made it illegal.
2016-05-21 23:00:35 · answer #8 · answered by Betsy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not wrong at all to know if you have blood brothers or sisters. My best friend knows every thing about his blood family and even talks to them sometimes. If I was adopted I would want to know as well. It's deffinatly not wrong at all. Sorry about every thing. It sounds really hard and god bless you.
2006-10-26 10:19:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see anything wrong with finding out about your family , It's like finding out more about yourself, I had a cousin who was adopted out and she found her family kast year mother,father brother sister aunts uncles and cousins she got to meet all of us and even came to her sisters wedding so I would say go for it.
2006-10-26 10:23:10 · answer #10 · answered by Maggie Muggins 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋