We have come to a compromise where to live. Going to live where my boyfriend's from for a year or so, then we are settling down my way. Around 120 miles between us. We've discussed marriage, and I'm worried. My bf's mother has ME, and is quite ill. He has expressed concern that if we get married in my home town, his mother won't be able to make it. The truth is, she is so ill at the moment, I don't think she could make it anyway. Am I right to stick to my guns here. I really do not want to get married anywhere else. The ratio of guests would also be 70 on my side to 30 on his. My bf's mother's illness is very unpredictable, and we will do whatever we can to help, but am I right in saying that a wedding ahould normally take place where the bride's from ?
2006-10-26 10:05:35 · 37 answers · asked by Linda 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
This won't be the answer you want, but I never heard of that custom.
2006-10-26 10:07:31 · answer #1 · answered by Mr Glenn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you go ahead with the plans you are making. And why don't you plan on having a ceremony with the mother? It will only cost you a few more $$$ & it would go sooooo far in helping the family relationship, all the way around. An officiant could come to the mother's house.
Type in your search engine the city, state & wedding officiant. There will be a few to choose from. Also some of us are registered on the bridal sites, too.
I know one bride who was married about 3 hours from her parent's home because she had established a life and friends in this town. So the immediate family travelled to the wedding. But there were not many other family that could make the trip. So the reception was held in the parent's town. But before the celebration started the couple had a ring exchange ceremony. Therefore both sides of the families could see the 'ceremony' & those able to, celebrate, also.
There are ways to work this out. Give it some thought; discuss it with your fiance`.
2006-10-26 10:21:35 · answer #2 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That isn't always the case...couples are choosing, more times than not, to do destination weddings in areas that neither side of the family is from. It makes a good vacation for guests and a learning experience for the couple while planning things. There is a certain amount of compromise in marriage, and you've found out with your living situation...so maybe pick a location where your boyfriend is from and a location where you are from. Then, you can both decide later on where would be the best place to get married. If his mother is too sick to go to the wedding, even if it is in her hometown, then you might want to think about broadcasting it on the internet...that way she can at least watch it from home and feel like she is participating. You might also want to honor her, if she can't make it, by putting a small flower bouquet on the seat where she would be and say a few words that you are both thinking about her.
2006-10-26 15:16:19 · answer #3 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the end of the day its going to be special no matter where you hold it, its the promise you make that are important. With his mother so ill you should really be thinking of what you boyfriend is going through and be there to support him, not adding to his stress. How would you feel if roles were reversed? I know its the most important day of your life and you've probably been dreaming of it since you were a little girl but compromise is essential in a marriage and now is the time to start. When I married my husband we could have been anywhere it was hearing him make his vows was the most special moment of my life, nothing else mattered.
2006-10-27 05:25:06 · answer #4 · answered by esmequeenoftheworld 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't know if a wedding should take place where a bride is from. It should be an agreement between the both of you. If you feel it's better to get married where you live, explain to him why you feel that way. 120 miles really isn't as far as it seems (about a 2 hour drive). A wedding location is important but it shouldn't be the difference between life or death. I would say to have the wedding where he lives. At least his mother has the chance to see her boy get married, because it could be her last chance to see her boy or any of her other kids get married. She should have something wonderful to see before she dies.
2006-10-26 10:14:20 · answer #5 · answered by ravensfan172003 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say that it depends on how many guests have to be doing the traveling to decide on where to marry.
When my Hubby and I were married, my family (about 30 guests) were coming from Iowa compared to my Husband's family (about 250 guests) were 20 minutes from where we lived.
Since we were already living closer to his family, we did the wedding close to where we were making our home.
With your BF (is he even your fiance yet???) case, I would say that it is unfortunate but you can't decide to host a wedding based on an unpredictable illness.
Talk to you BF, see what is in the best interest of the here and now. If you aren't even engaged yet, why are you getting so worried about these details? Get engaged, and then sort this out. The important thing to remember is that you are getting married to the man of your dreams and that is all that should really matter.
-EZ
2006-10-26 12:26:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bride and brides family determine where the wedding will be, that is IF your parents are paying for the wedding. It is usual and customary for the bride to get married in her home, her church, whatever.
However, if it would be possible maybe to have the mother brought to the wedding by special car of limo, you might want to think of this. Maybe even have the ceremony shot over a cam recorder, or a few people using their phones to send the actually ceremony to her live. (I did this with my daughter's wedding when she got married in Italy).
Explain to your boyfriend how important this is for you, and you really understand the situation, but your parents must be taken first into consideration.
Basically, the guy just shows up for the wedding! LOL....its your day, your thing and your Parents pay for it, ONE LAST TIME!
2006-10-26 10:20:03 · answer #7 · answered by kickinupfunf 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Traditionally a wedding takes place where the bride is from but lots of people don't follow tradition, it is what is right for the couple. If you are not going to be happy getting married in his area then don't do it because your wedding day should be one of the best days in your life and the way you are talking it does not sound ike it will be at the moment. You both need to talk more and maybe wait a bit longer until you are both happy with the decision or until his mum begins to feel better as ME has good and bad periods.
From what you have said I personally think the wedding should be in your area but if your fiance is not happy with that then it's not fair as it should be his happiest day too.
I think you both have a lot of thinking and talking to do and the solution will be found, good luck and best wishes in your future marriage x
2006-10-26 10:19:45 · answer #8 · answered by clairelou_lane 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say that the best option wud be to get married where his mother lives then have a blessing where you come from I know it is not as special as a wedding but it is still nice and you could save the big reception till the blessing cause by the sounds of it his mother wont really want to go to it anyway.
2006-10-26 20:46:04 · answer #9 · answered by stephy200125 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"a wedding should normally take place where the bride's from". That's the tradition, and tradition seems to matter a lot when people get married. That doesn't make it a rule, though - there's no reason why you have to do it just because other people do, and I don't think it's fair to use tradition to win an argument like this - besides, if you do, your boyfriend could just as easily turn around and quote the tradition that the couple then have to go live in the groom's hometown (permanently).
2006-10-26 10:13:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is no rules where you should get married (I went to Austria). Normally it is where the bride comes from that decides where the wedding will be as really it is her day. But its entirely up to you. Personally I would not have the wedding near his house just becasue of his mum. Please 1 and upset 70 thats crazy. There must be a compromise - could someone pick her up, could she stay with your parents and made to feel comfortable. There is nothing she couldn't have in someone elses home that she couldn't have in her own. Lets fact it 120 miles is not far too travel. I don't mean to sound horrible but it is more practical to stay with what you have decided. You can put your heads together and find a way to get her there. Where theres a will theres a way. Good luck and enjoy your day!
2006-10-26 10:12:02 · answer #11 · answered by Katie G 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋