My mom won't let me get put on birth control?

Question

I'm 19 years old, and about a month ago I asked my mom if I could get put on birth control. She freaked out, and started telling my how my morals have changed, and on and on.
She then sent me countless e-mails about how it's better to wait until you're married to have sex; sending me things about STD's and other things that I learned about in sex ed.
I haven't done anything yet, and my boyfriend is not pressuring me to do anything that I'm not ready for. I'm ready to have sex, and I was mature enough to go talk to her before I did anything.
I would feel horrible going behind her back to get it, because I've always been very close to her, and she always told me that if I ever thought about having sex, that I should go talk to her about it, and she help me be safe. I talked to her about it, and now I'm not allowed to go visit him where he goes to college, we're not allowed to be alone, and if I go out with him, I get a phone call at 10:30...asking me when I'm going to be home. Help!

I'm in college and I live in the dorm. My boyfriend and I go to different colleges about an hour and a half apart. (sorry i didn't make that clear) I understand that I'm 19, but I also said that I'm very close to my mother and that's why I went to her and talked about it...she's helping me pay for my tuition (34,000 a year) and so she still has some say on what i do.

My boyfriend and I are both virgins

Answer 1

Go to Planned Parenthood, or go to the doctor yourself. The doctor is confidential and they will not tell your mother, even if she called and begged for the information.

The reason why girls get pregnant so young is because of their parents. Would your mother rather you have a kid??? Or put you on birth control?? You are going to do it anyway, so what would she rather have? I do not understand how mother's can do this to their children.

My mother put me on birth control when I was 15, even though I was not sexually active. I am so thankful! I did not make any mistakes or get pregnant too young.

If anything, tell her that you have irregular periods and you want to regulate it. Or tell her that it will clear up your face.

It just make me so angry a mother would do that. Give me her email and I will let her know how stupid she is!!

Answer 2

She is just concerned. She loves you and she doesn't want you to get sick. As for birth control pills, you are over 18 and you can do whatever you want. You do not need her permission, but you should talk to her and let her know that you have not done anything and you would rather have the precaution. If she does not see it this way, then when you come home and tell her that she is going to be a grandmother, I bet she will wish that she let you go on birth control. She needs to understand that she is not going to be with you 24/7 and that you are going to do what you want because you are an adult. I just wish she would be more open minded. It's not like you are planning on sleeping with a ton of men or become a prostitute. I hope all works out for you. :O)

Answer 3

This is completley different advice to everyone else who has replied.

Its very hard to put into words the emotions you will feel if you go behind your mother's back, especially since you are very close to her. While you are an adult, you are also adult enough to choose not to hurt your mother. Just think, if you do go on birth control, then have sex, the whole time during that first time with your boyfriend you will have a cloud of guilt hanging over you and that's no way to experience sex for the first time.

I'm 27, been married for 2 1/2 years. I didn't wait until I was married and I so wish i did. There were no surprises. I also lost my virginity with someone other than my husband, and the baggage I took with me was horrible.

The trouble with the society today is that they tell you sex is great. It is great! but only in the right context, and that context is marriage. Sorry for sounding like a prude but I've learnt from experience and I just want you to thin about it.

Best of luck with your decision.

Answer 4

You're 19... she doesn't get a say anymore... If you want to be on birth control make an appointment at a clinic or planned parenthood- they work on sliding scales so you'll only pay what you can afford (so you don't have to use your parents insurance) and some offices even have onsite pharmacies where they'll fill your prescrpition for you. You don't have to hide it, be upfront tell her you're an adult and as an adult you make the decisions about your reproductive health. You've decided that you aren't going to wait and while that may dissapoint and scare her she should be grateful that you're willing to take the steps necesscary to prevent pregnancy and the transmission of STD's (you do plan to use a condom right?!? RIGHT!?!?!?!)... Leave it at that, leave no room for a rebuttal. It's your life, your body and you're over 18 so you're in charge of your major life choices... She'll adjust, every Mom freaks out over something like this at some point during their child's life... She'll be okay! Do what you feel is right and your Mom will learn to come to respect your decisions and right to make them as an individual.

Best wishes to you hun....

Answer 5

Put simply, She isn't ready to accept your decision to become sexually active. You need to talk with her and tell her what you have said here: That you and her have always had a great relationship, and you would feel horrible going behind her back. You need to stress that while your boyfriend isn't pressuring you into anything you want to know that if you ever decide to become sexually active you are taking all the safety precautions available to you to prevent the transaction of an STD and an unwanted pregnancy. While you appreciate her concern for your well being she has raised a good daughter who doesn't ever want to be caught between a rock and a hard spot. It is clearly in your best interest to go onto birth control with or without your mother's approval.

Answer 6

Go to Planned Parenthood. You don't need your mother's approval to be put on birth control. My mom did the same thing, and I got pregnant at 18, with a condom! You're an adult, and if you're not working, you will probably be able to get birth control for free. I feel your pain sweetie. Just let your mother know that you are a good girl, but feel that you're ready to experience life. She needs to realize you aren't 15 anymore. Good luck with this one!

Answer 7

There are some things in your life that you will just have to be an adult about and take care of business. Your mother - no matter how close you are - does not need to know about your sex life because you are a legal adult. There are just some things better left un- said. It's non of her business. Since you are in college go to the clinic and get birth control It's time to cut the chord to your mommy and act like an adult.

Answer 8

You don't mention what kind of birth control you're thinking about so I'll cover a few.
First and formost you and you boyfirend should be tested for STDS. (even if you're a virgin) You need to know & he needs to know
1. Condoms - your #1 option safety against pregnancy. . . AND the only protector against STDS.
2. The Pill - there are many kind of pills triphasic and monophasic both can help with a multitude of things other than preventing pregnancy, acne, cramps, heavy period flow, regulating periods Ect. A great option and you can always tell your mom, if you need to that you are taking them to help with any of those things
3. Other hormonal birth control IUDs the Ring the Shot ect. These are great options for people who don't tolerate pills well or have trouble remembering to take them. They can be more expensive and IUDs need to be inserted by a doctor. The shot lasts for only three months and is a great option.
Bottom Line: Your mother no longer has control of you . . . while it is obvious that you value her option you can not let her make your decisions, talk to your doctor. It is better to be safe than sorry.

Answer 9

The good thing here is that your mom cares about you a lot and she is trying to keep you from growing up too fast or making decisions you will later regret. She wants to protect you and that's a good thing.

My question is: Have you graduated from high school yet? If so, it might be time to consider possibly moving out into your own place, if this is at all possible. Your mom seems like she is being overbearing and controlling a little bit, even if her intentions are good. Are you planning on going to college like your bf?

At 19 years old, Iyou are old enough to make this decision for yourself. Especically since you have a steady commited relationship with your bf. GOOD FOR YOU for trying to be responsible and getting birth control before you have sex.

You CAN "go behind her back," since you are 19 years old. Planned Parenthood can hook you up. Make an appointment and it doesn't cost much.

Good luck.

Answer 10

she is just looking out for you. it is best if you wait until you are married. i am speaking from experience. i am 21 and married and i wish i had waited. it makes it so much more special. but if you know that you are going to have sex before then you should get some birth control, especially if you are not ready for kids. it would probably be best if you do tell her about it when you do. she would respect you more.

i know it sucks that she won't leave you alone about it now, but i have a 3 month old and i understand how she feels. so just try looking at it from her point of view.

it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. you should pray about this, and ask God for guidance.