been together for a year and a half. lived together. after a year he proposed. six months later he broke up with me (done, over, wouldn't talk, see or face me)due to different factors on both parties. (no cheating involved) he said he got cold feet and needed a little space. we got back together four days later and decided to take it solw and not live together. i see him everyday but go home at night and on the weekend i stay with him. how do you go from having it all with all your dreams coming true to having nothing to having a little. How do you transition to just dating when you are use to having him there all the time and being yourself again instead of feeling like you are on egg shells all the time scared of irritating him or making him mad, etc. any advice on how to deal with this and get things back to the way it use to be. its great between us but its very different gosh i just want to wear my ring again & have OUR life back...tell me how you JUST date someone after that
2006-10-26 09:38:09 · 19 answers · asked by badgebabys65 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
he tells me he loves me all the time & he really means it or he is the type he would not say it at all. he calls me most of the time. he will not talk about our relationship. i have tried to bring it up & he says he don't want to talk about it cause it will end up in an arguement. he just says he likes the way things are right now & needs some space & we will take things slow. he has some things on him right now personally (studing for employment upgrade). he has said in the past that he has lived on his own for the past 5 years & it is a change to live with someone. but we lived together for 1 1/2 years-his choice. come on! he dated a girl for 5 1/2 years before me whom he never proposed to & broke up with her for me. (he said he knew he wouldn't ever marry her just stayed for convience) we hit it off so good it scared us both but he made me lower my guard for him now he has his guard up (i got hurt really bad couple years ago & he knows ). we both know we are the one. but why this?
2006-10-26 09:38:22 · update #1
he did not take the ring back...he told me to wear it until "we" decided but one night when we were both mad I told him i wasn't going to wear it anymore and he said he didn't care (we were mad). so i haven't worn it. my choice. he keeps looking at my finger but doesn't say anything about it. i have the ring in my possession.
2006-10-26 09:38:46 · update #2
you said he said he needs space give him it, all of it, all the space he needs, don't call him, don't go over to see him and when he calls say your busy or just don't answer, they say you never know what you got till it's gone, well let he see if he misses you or not, if he doesn't miss you , then you don't want that anyhow.
2006-10-26 09:42:57 · answer #1 · answered by justme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she broke the engagement, then SHE should give the ring back. If YOU broke the engagement, then she is entitled to keep the ring. You should NOT walk away from this if she broke the engagement. Go to an attorney and get some advice. Spending your entire savings on an engagement ring was NOT a good idea. Next time save some of the money for a down payment on a home. Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A wedding ceremony officiant
2016-05-21 22:56:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You DTMFA.
This guy is a putz and you're giving him 100% control of the relationship because you're afraid, but that is not cool. Hanging on to a tattered shread of a relationship is not good for you, it is just hurting you. A relationship should be 50/50. If he is calling all the shots now, why on earth would he ever stop?
Don't be a doormat, and dump him. Say you want someone who respects your, your life goals, and is mature enough to make a decision, which is clearly incapable. Offer him the ring back, and if he claims to not want it, pawn it so he cant ask for it later.
Then follow though, and don't talk to him when he has a melodramatic 4 days later breakdown and comes crawling back. Just tell him it is over and find someone who has the same goals as you.
2006-10-27 09:32:34 · answer #3 · answered by dani_kin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a history, why should you walk around on egg shells, you have done nothing wrong. If he wants his freedom, so be it. Try real hard to see that he really wants out. If he's done it once, now you, he does not want to get married. He does seem to like the idea of a "wife figure".It will never be the way it use to be....I think he has made his choice...Sorry, but since he called off everything, you do get to keep the ring...Go find a stable guy that keeps his word..Hope there's no children to go thru this too.............
2006-10-26 11:02:45 · answer #4 · answered by Maw-Maw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him the ring back today. Tell him either you plan your wedding and reannounce an enagegment or it is over. If he is not ready today then he will NEVER be ready (or he will be ready years after you are too old to have kids or a marriage in your youth which is what you probably want/need). Find a new man. Put your foot down already in this relationship. You deserve more than this cold feet, immature, so called man. You need to stop wasting your time and letting him waste your time.
2006-10-26 11:49:58 · answer #5 · answered by Educated 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems that he is full of excuses and you continue taking his excuses. He loves you but he isn;t ready for marriage and you should accept thatm but not at your expense.
You both have said/done things when angry... things don;t magically get better by getting married.
If you are living together, he has all the benefits without the commitment. You both have to decide if marriage is a real posibility for the both of you, because there is no sense in keep on pretending that is going to happen and keep on punishing each other because of it.
He pull off and now you are walking on egg shells, sorry but a relationshio should no be based on fear of being dumped...either he wants to be your husband or not! there is no middle ground!
Good luck
2006-10-26 10:28:53 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, no experience on the broken engagement but LOTS of experience with a broken heart ... from what it sounds like in a comment that you made "he broke up with a girl for me and he only stayed with her for convenience" ... it sadly sounds like this may be the same case here.
I would honestly (I know this is hard and I am sure that your ring is beautiful) ... I would give him back the ring and I would move out. Tell him that you need some space as well. Because, let's be honest, it sounds like you do.
It sounds like you have given up a lot of who you are for the sake of this relationship that doesn't sound as though it is working out.
I understand that he loves you, I understand that you love him, but love isn't all that it takes for a marriage to work. It takes communication, compromise, understanding, passion, compassion, mistakes, mysteries, disasters, happiness, tears, joy, etc. I can't even put enough words on the mask of marriage.
I am married and love being married but it is tough work everyday. If you two can't put the work in now, I am sad to say that it doesn't sound like it will work out in the future.
I recommend that you take some time for yourself. And then I would start dating (when you are ready) ... and not because you are trying to hurt your BF. Because you deserve to be happy and you don't sound happy right now.
Girlfriend, I know that it is hard but when you let go of the ONE thing that you THINK is making you so happy and you THINK will give you your "high" in life ... you are sure to either find A) Yourself (the first person you should be taking care of) or B) Each other -- all over again and then you can appreciate each other or C) The One.
I know what each one feels like. I was with my ex-BF for 4 years. I actually moved across the country to be with him. When I stepped back and looked at how unhappy and unhealthy the relationship was (he never wanted to talk, he wanted to slow down, etc. -- just like you) I found A) Myself and then B) Each other -- and we discovered that we didn't really like each other, let alone LOVE each other anymore and then C) My ONE.
I have been married for 18 months and we have a beautiful baby girl together. I couldn't be happier and I discovered that I never wanted to let go of ME and that my new Husband wanted to love me and respect me for who I am.
Okay, lots of words ... it comes down to your happiness. You don't sound happy and you deserve better.
Look deep and find out who you are, who you want to become and if your BF is helping to make you a better person and vice versa. If the answers are disappointing, then it is a healthy time to move on.
Best of luck.
-EZ
2006-10-26 12:43:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is terrified and you are very keen for the whole "marriage" to begin instantly. Give him some space if that s what he wants but if it's too stressful for you let him go. If he loves you he wont let that happen. If he cant talk things out now and it ends up frustrating the two of you are you sure that this is what you want forever? You need to be able to communicate or it will never work.
2006-10-26 10:14:03 · answer #8 · answered by lazy lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are about to become a relationship of convenience like his relationship before you. You need to get out while you can...you deserve much better.
Its really hard to get back with someone after they break your heart. Trust is so important...and once it is lost, it is hard to get back.
Its also important to look at the fact he wont even talk about why you guys broke up. What about the bigger issues that may come up once you are married? Will he run away then too?
Break up, stay away from him and let him know what he is missing. (no calls to him and keep yourself busy) The way you are living isnt any way to live.
I'm sorry for you...but like I keep saying...you deserve much better.
2006-10-26 09:58:12 · answer #9 · answered by Cariad 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he's ready for a committed relationship. I would back away from him completely and give him space. I was like that before I married my husband - all my past boyfriends could not get me to commit and what I realized was, I could only commit to "the one" and none of them were him. But when I met my husband, I was suddenly completely interested in marriage. You're not the one - just accept it and move on.
2006-10-26 09:43:55 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Frankly, if I were you, I wouldn't go for any of this cr*p. A year and a half is PLENTY enough time for a mature adult to make up his or her mind as to whether or not they are interested in having a family. It is very obvious that he does NOT want to marry you - especially being that he has a history of staying in relationships out of convenience. Being in a relationship has a lot of benefits, but he wants these benefits to be "free" (i.e., without committment). It's up to you if you want to keep putting up with it. I wouldn't; you're not getting any younger, and it will be getting increasingly difficult to find a mate as the time goes by. If you're looking for marriage and family, you are definitely wasting your time here.
2006-10-26 10:45:25 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋