I am a widow with 2 children 13 & 8. I started dating after my husband died and my children and my in-laws don't like this person. My kids have told me they want to live with other people because I want to move out of our house and start over with my children. This whole experience with my husbands death has been horrible and tramatic for me and my children. I am doing the best I can, loving them, supporting them, but no matter what happieness I seem to get with comfort from my male friend my kids won't give him a chance and turn on me. I'm afraid the inlaws will get nasty and try and take my kids since they are upset with me anyways from trying to start over.
2006-10-26 08:58:48 · 32 answers · asked by Bek 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I think you should do what you need to do - the Grandparents have no rights unless they can prove you are an unfit parent. As for your kids - they need to know that they are #1 in your life and you are not trying to replace Daddy - only trying to find a little more happiness now that he is gone. Best of Luck!!
2006-10-26 09:02:44 · answer #1 · answered by akelaamy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unless you are being neglectful or abusive, no they can't.
How long has your husband been gone? How long did you wait to date? It seems like your children are not ready for this and if by moving out you mean moving in with your "male friend" your kids cannot handle that right now.
They cannot give him a chance right now. I suggest you back off all of these changes right now and get into some grief counseling with you and your children....not the boyfriend.
I'd keep the boyfriend away from your kids and in-laws right now. When you go out or you sleep over there do it when your kids are out for the evening.....HE SHOULD NEVER SLEEP IN YOUR HUSBAND'S HOME......not right now.
Why don't they like him? Is it simply because they are not ready or is there some reason? Did you rush it? Is he a jerk to them?
This will require some sacrifice on your part and I'm sorry you lost your husband.....but the children have to be the main focus.
If this guy is worth it, he'll understand the need to work with your children and wait and alter your relationship until they are comfortable....if not, they have reason not to like him.
As a mom, you should be willing to as well.
2006-10-26 09:07:51 · answer #2 · answered by jm1970 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO THEY CANT the only way they could is to find you as a unfit mom which is hard to prove .. my in-laws tried after my first husband was killed and they couldn't do anything just make sure the people that you bring home don't have something in there back ground that could look bad on you .... just sit your kids down and talk to them let them know that your not trying to replace there dad but you are lonely and need some adult time and that you wish they would try to support you as you support them in what they do and they might surprise you
2006-10-26 09:27:54 · answer #3 · answered by just a mommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody can take away your kids unless they have proof that you are a bad parent. As long as you supply food, clothing, and shelter to your children and give them lots of love and arent abusing them then dont worry about them. When my mother had a new guy living with her i never gave him the time of day because i felt like he was taking my mom away and taking my dads place in the family. Trust me your kids will eventually warm up to him it just takes time. I can only imagine how it must feel to lose a father so it would definitly take me a lot longer than it did with just my parents divorce. Also some states have laws about grandparents, Where its a law that grandparents must be able to see their grandchildren if they want and there is nothing you can do about it. I live in michigan and they had that law but a few years ago it was banned so grandparents have no lawful rights. Good luck!!
2006-10-26 09:22:34 · answer #4 · answered by nikki4u389 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unless it can be proved that you are an "unfit" mother, NO ONE can "take away" your children. The death of a loved one, especially someone as close as you lost, is traumatic on everyone, especially the children. Yours, it sounds, are crying out for help. While it is understandable that you too need to be consoled during this time, maybe you should stop and look at the big picture and not just yourself. It sounds like you and your children need a disinterested third party to intervene for advise. I have a feeling that that advise would not include promotion of your "friend". Until the time that all of you go seek counsel, possibly you should tell your friend that you need to "sort things out" and not be so involved with him. Your children really do need to come first and they are crying our LOUDLY for your help. Consider the consequences.... while they more than likely can't be "taken away" from you, their alternative may be to "run away" from what they feel is a hopeless situation. THAT would be much worse. Please, for your children's sake, put them first. Once things are sorted out (and it could take time!), if your relationship with your male friend is all that you "think" it is, he will be there with loving arms once your children are feeling better.
mb
2006-10-26 09:14:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My best friend was in pretty much the same situation. Her husband died and more than a year later she started dating this guy and her kids gave her a horrible time about it. They have since come around and totally adore her new boyfriend. How long have you been dating this guy? Maybe they just need time to adjust. I don't see that the grandparents can take the children unless they can prove you are exposing them to a bad enviroment.
2006-10-26 09:03:07 · answer #6 · answered by juicyfruit_69_2006 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get an attorney. Many will give you a free consultation before you have to shell out money.
Next, try to find a counselor that can help you. Many charge on a sliding fee scale (dependent upon the money you receive) and some churches will counsel for nothing.
This is hard. You might want to let your in-laws know, that no matter who you are with, they will still be allowed to share their grand children's lives.
I hope you are not with this new boyfriend, just for the sake of being with someone. That would be unhealthy for you and your children.
I hope your in-laws would remember that your husband died, not you and that you have feelings, emotions, and needs that he can no longer meet.
Good luck.
2006-10-26 09:12:06 · answer #7 · answered by sonorarat 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your children probably are not ready to start over because they have their daddy in their minds still. It will almost be like you are trying to replace their daddy. Kids have a sense about new people. Maybe they sense something bad about him. Anyways, you have to do what makes you happy as well. I am glad to see that you are starting over after that tragic loss. Give them time...maybe do things together like have a kid day. You and your boyfriend take them to a movie and dinner and let them get more aquainted with him. As long as there is no abuse from your new boyfriend and you are not neglecting your kids...there shouldnt be a reason that your inlaws can take them away from you. If you have full custody of your children, I wouldnt worry. Just sit down and tell them that mommy gets lonely sometimes and that she needs a male figure in her life to help out. Explain to them everything that you are doing for them and how hard it is to be a single parent. I am sure they will start to understand how you feel, if you sit down with them and talk. Then also listen to what they have to say and ask them what reasons why they dont want their mommy to be happy. Maybe they are still struggling over your husbands death and need to talk openly about how they feel since it happened. Let me know what happens and good luck to you!
2006-10-26 09:09:09 · answer #8 · answered by ALI 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
nicely, you at present comprehend how the grandparents experience about you. contained in the age of digital photos, i'm shocked that you do not have those pictures saved on line someplace. That way if some photos do get thrown away, lost or damaged, you've get correct of entry to to an information superhighway reproduction and would get reprints. Walmart, flicker, and different internet sites furnish loose storage for quite a lot endless quantities of photos.
2016-12-05 06:28:06 · answer #9 · answered by louttit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You wont listen to me... you are already trying to find ways to justify what you are doing. I'm sorry you are a widow, but before that you are a Mother.
Your boyfriend is last.... last... you have those kids and they want YOU not him. You do not owe HIM anything, you owe them everything. They have been traumatized.
I am a victom of a divorced household. I grew up with a mohter who put her boy friend first ALL the time and in all situatoins. I am a mess becuase of it. I will never have the esteem I should have had had my mother put her kids in front of her own selfishness.
That man will never be the father of your kids. He is not!!!
Dr. Laura would tell you the same exact thing.
Dump him and be a mom, when the kids are grown and gone.. then remarry.
DONT MAKE THEM SUFFER for your selfishness......its NOT about you now, its about them!!!!
2006-10-26 13:03:42 · answer #10 · answered by SunValleyLife 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋