i don't and it's because i don't believe love can be defined..there are so many meanings. be it commitment, a game, a deep friendship..passion.. i believe in the unconditional..the way i love my sister. first of all, i think it's just wrong to put love in between papers..saying "ok this is your mate for life"..it's a freaken CONTRACT!! i just don't believe you can put love in the papers..+second, what if that love between you fades away? you'll have to go through nasty divorce?? and the financer will have to pay to the other partner for the rest of his life untill they get married again..that's what my uncle has to do right now..he gave the car to my x aunt, and he's paying her now because she's not married.
and when it comes to weddings, it just makes me really upset to know, many more people..mostly girls (don't mean to stareotype) et excited, not by the idea of a contract together (marriage) but by the stupid 2 hr cerimony..for pete's sake! why waste so much $$ on that?
2006-10-26 08:24:16 · 31 answers · asked by togamadness 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I was married and I divorced after 1 year, because I have the same oppinion as you.
More to this, please, never say or ask again about yourself that you are crazy! If you follow your inner voice, you have every chance to be right! If you follow other's conceptions without approving them, you miss the chance to be youself! But, before you push away the world's ideas, please try to understand what is their point. You might discover that their way is the best choice. ;)
2006-10-26 08:31:30 · answer #1 · answered by Simona 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I feel that the perspective you're expressing is rather limited. This way, a university degree is just a piece of paper - because knowledge cannot be "defined". A driver's license is just a needless formality - once you can drive, you just "know" it. Well, the thing is: if you live in a society, you will encounter the society's rules. You don't have to "conform" to them, but there's no need to selectively wage war against one or the other rule that the society puts up for everyone's convenience. Marriage is not as much about "love" as it is a way for the society to define a certain relationship between two partners that we call "family". When you have a child - does it make the child less "real" when the birth is recorded, and he gets a SS# and a birth certificate? I think not. Paperwork is necessary to keep track of what's going on in the society as a whole - and tradidions are the glue that holds communities together. If we go to war with the tradition of weddings - why not do away with the traditions of Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year's, birthdays? None of these holidays have any kind of objective meaning. It is the traditions and the connections they help foster that are meaningful.
Don't get me wrong... I did NOT have a huge wedding, mine was totally informal and untraditional. I don't personally subscribe to the philosophy of expensive=good and special. And the reason why I got married (vs. simply living together) was more practical than sentimental - I don't have to have a marriage certificate to love and be committed to a person, but having one helps take advantage of the benefits this society has to offer to the "legally" married couples. I personally don't have any principles that could prevent me from getting a piece of paper that makes my life easier.
If love "fades away" - well, so be it; I hope that by the time it does happen, we would have had developed a stronger bond, and will remain together for better or for worse. Even if we don't - I refuse to live my life asking the "what if" question; what if I get in a car accident driving to work? what if the child I'm planning to have dies miseably from lymphoma at the age of 20? There are a lot of very real risks one takes living this life, and many of them are unavoidable. From my experience, I can say that when you're going through a separation from a partner, the legalities of divorce are the least of one's problems. It would not have been any easier on me to have my partner walk out one day if we were NOT officially married; the pain would be exactly the same. To protect oneself from pain, one would have to give up all relationships; but I don't think it's a reasonable proposition.
Needless to say, I'm not trying to change your mind. I actually agree with some of the points you make. But I'm just trying to convey that there are different ways of looking at the same complex phenomenon, and it is never just black and white.
2006-10-26 09:28:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think the problem is people (like yourself) do feel that marriage is a contract but it isn't its a commitment. It says that two people are committed enough about one another that there is some concrete responsibilities. When I was dating someone I always new I could just leave when ever I wanted regardless of whether those reasons were selfish or not. However with marriage I realize I often have to push my pride aside and think more about my wife no matter how confusing her feelings may seem to me and try to work things out.
I think the reason why so many marriages fail is because many people miss the point of marriage. The get married for selfish reasons. You don't get married to have your needs fulfilled. You get married to express to the love of you life that you love them more than anything by fulfilling their needs. A happy marriage occurs when both parties due exactly this.
2006-10-26 09:37:22 · answer #3 · answered by Almack 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No I don't think you're crazy. But I will take issue with you. I guess it depends on what your perspective of what a marriage is that matters.
If you think it is only a contract, freaken or otherwise, then it's probably just that. If you think it's just a social ceremony for romantic purposes then that's probably all it is and will be(but I wouldn't give much hope of it lasting long). Personally the reason I got married is because I found a good woman who loves me for who I am and put's up with my sh*t. I asked her to marry me because I wanted to make a social statement to the world that I love this woman and that we are one. That is we are two halfs of a whole unit. Also that we would take the legal responsibly of taking care of each other and giving her the power of attorney over me if I was to be incapacitated. So yes, there lies the legal contract part of it. But I also wanted to make a commitment to her so she would know that I really cared and was with her for the long haul instead of just to "shack-up" as I have done with a few ladies in the past. I could go on and tell you other reasons for my marriage but not without trespass on private spirituality beliefs -so I won't.
I do agree about what you say about getting excited about a ceremony and the cost. We just got married in a courthouse by a judge on our way to the airport where we took the money we could have spent on pomp and ceremony and boarded a plane to Puerto Vallarta for a two week honeymoon/vacation.
PS: I'm sorry to here about your Uncle's divorce problem, I hope things get better for him soon.
2006-10-26 08:58:58 · answer #4 · answered by Do You See What Happens Larry? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your the type of person that wants the glory's and rewards of love without the commitment; contracts, etc.... You may not have very good role models either so I dont' blame you but man, I'm glad I dont' have someone that thinks like you. Love is an enduring passion not a 3 year contract. If you only want to see the bad from marriage then that's cool; that's your thing; Good luck though.
2006-10-26 08:27:55 · answer #5 · answered by Ice4444 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
People get married because they want their loved ones protected. People living together have no legal rights. If one person dies, they're estate does not go to their partner, it goes to their family. Also, the body doesn't go to their partner and the partner has no say what goes on with the funeral. Wanting to protect the one you love is what marriage is about. I have been happily married for 12 years and I have a nasty mother in law who wouldn't think twice about cutting me out of all proceedings if I wasn't legally married. You're right marriage is a contract; a contract to protect the one you love. I don't think you're crazy, but I do think you're uninformed.
2006-10-26 09:03:32 · answer #6 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is what you want it to be! I think marriage is fine if both people (male and female) want the same things out of their union and it is entirely fine if they have a celebration with their family and friends. I can understand your point of view and I'm sure many would. I dont think your crazy and accept your opinion. Maybe you could be a little more accepting as many people are happily married (or contracted) as you put it, and believe that piece of paper unites them fully. (and yes it is only a piece of paper I agree, but everyone has the right to believe in whatever they want) And if marriage is it, so be it!
2006-10-26 09:20:05 · answer #7 · answered by lazy lady 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are entitled to your opinion and I feel that it is a valid one...your family member is going through tough times and you identify with that, which validates your thoughts. Some people (not just women) look forward to marriage as a way to celebrate their love with their family and friends. They want to have the large party and share the day with everyone...that is their prerogative, nothing more. To them it is not a waste of money, but a small price to pay to celebrate with the ones they love.
2006-10-26 09:05:40 · answer #8 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many people feel the same as you in todays world. If you choose to get married there is a 50/50 chance that it won't last.
2006-10-26 08:32:36 · answer #9 · answered by BAnne 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
u make a valid point,but heres one to think about-if ur not legally married to ur partner,and he is dying,the hospital and his family can bar you from the room!no goodbyes!!!and if ur not legally married to ur partner,his family can bar you from his funeral.and any children u might have with him,do not necessarily inherit,unless u are prepared fo a legal battle to prove paternity after his death.no one thinks about death,but they should.i was barred from my murdered fiance's funeral.guess his family hadnt met me yet,and at that point,thought i had something to do with it.(i did not,i would have died a thousand times over to save him).if only we had been married at the time,i could have said a final goodbye.but no.that was more than a contract to me,it would have given me legal right to decide where he was laid to rest-they didnt even tell me for 8 months.dont get that "peice of paper" if u dont want,but realise that any end of life decisions and right to see ur loved one,is then at the mercy of others.think about being turned away when all u want to do is say goodbye.a few more months,and a "piece of paper-a contract" would have given me that right!!!! without that contract,the person u love best in the world can be removed from a respirator without ur consent,knowledge or presence.and can be taken and buried,and u dont even know where!the contract protects ur right to make such decisions! when i finally did marry,my inclination was for a frugal wedding.but my wonderful husband talked me into a huge celebration.he told me that after the tragedy i'd been through,i desrved the world,and he gave it to me.it wasnt a frivolous waste of our money.it was a way to shout"i faced the worst,im still standing,and tho i'll never forget,my life and happiness will go on!" it was the happiest day of my life,and my husband is an angel for throwing me a celebration of life and love.
2006-10-26 09:10:46 · answer #10 · answered by Lyn K 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋