funny after dinner speech?

Question

any good anecdotes

Answer 1

Search the internet for the words "after dinner speech" or for "anecdotes". There's lots available for free!

Answer 2

I don't know where you live, but go to a good book store and yu'll find a load of After Dinner books. My husband has 3 or 4 and there's a lot of good stuff in there. Some have actual speeches for set occasions and others have millions of anecdotes to fit all situations. Go and buy one.

Answer 3

Anecdote 1. An RAF Squadron Leader is shopping in the NAAFI and a Sapper in the Royal Engineers walks by without even looking at him, the Squadron Leader starts shouting and screaming at the young lad "Don't you salute Squadron Leaders in the Army?" politely the Sapper replies "No, Sir" to which comes back a retort "But Why?"

"Well sir" says the sapper "Because we don't have Squadron Leaders in the Army?"

Anecdote 2. An Army, a Navy and an RAF Officer are all in the toilet having a piss, the Navy and RAF chap go to wash their hands and are astounded when the Army chap starts walking out without washing.

Pompously the Navy chap turns to the RAF bod in a loud voice and says "Well at least in the Navy and RAF they teach us how to wash our hands after a piss" to which the Army guy stops and says "In the Army they teach us how not to piss on our hands"

Anecdote 3

An RSM is poking a young recruit in the chest with his drill stick, and he is growling "There is a piece of **** on the end of this stick" to which the young recruit replies "Aye, possibly, but not at my end"

Answer 4

One I heard recently at our Trafalgar Night:

A Sailor, Soldier and an Airman were talking in the mess. The Pongo says "My wife can ride a horse and her legs still touch the ground - that is not to say that the horse is short but her legs are really long"

The Matelot says "I can put my hands around my wifes waist and my fingers touch. I am not saying my hands are big but her waist is that thin".

The Crabfat replies "I can pat my wifes bottom on the way into work and it will still be rippling on my return home. I am not saying my wife's bottom is flabby but it is a mere reflection on my working hours"

Answer 5

visit the British army rumour service, A good one can be found at
www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/forums/ view topic/t=4959/view=previous.html

Good Luck

Answer 6

try telling a funny memory that some people will be able to relate to

Answer 7

I would like to thank you all for attending.

Answer 8

SORRY EVERYONE THEY HAVE JUST REPORTED A CASE OF SALMONELLA HE HE