I don't understand it. Now that I am grown up I do realize that nobody is perfect. And I can accept that. My family has always had their share of problems but now that my grandmother has passed away my grandpa has brought up things that have happened over 20 years ago. Some stuff that happened even before I was born. Why is he doing this? Why is he causing a war with the family that he had left? I don't know how to deal with this. He is kicking people out of the family and telling us to just stay away. He is talking terrible about my grandmother, and all that does is upset myself and my father. What can I do? Why does he want to be so hurtful and mean? I am wrong for wanting to stay away? What would you do? Would it be totally wrong to change my phone number to stop the calls? Would it be OK to just cut my ties and walk away now?
Please help...I can't take much more.
2006-10-26 08:06:07 · 14 answers · asked by ♥just me♥ 5 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Just to add he is my step grandpa. He is not a blood relative to anyone. This was both their second marriage. Yes they were married for a long time about 26 or 27 years.
2006-10-26 10:52:36 · update #1
I was in the same situation about 2 yrs ago (only it was my grandfather who died, and my grandmother who was kicking people out of the family) grandfather died. My grandmother denied my inheritance and said horrible things about my grandfather. Of course this family has always had problems, but now it is worse than ever. My grandmother even went to my mother's office and told her my grandfather has always hated my dad (which isn't true) and that her brother is really her half-brother, and all sorts of things like this. I lived with them when he died and she became so hateful I had to move out. She even threw out his belongings the day after he died! I'm 24 and on my own now, but the best thing I did was cut my ties and walk away, and so did my mother. Sometimes families fall apart when someone dies and that's just the way it is. So many years of anger and grief come out all at once, for whatever reason. All I know is that I have many happy memories of my grandfather. That's all I have and all I need until I see him again. You don't need the grief your grandfather is causing you and your father. It's just not worth it.
2006-10-26 09:48:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thier are 5 stages a person goes though when they loose a loved one, one of the stages is Anger, the stage that follows anger is acceptance. It sounds like your grandfather is not ready to accept her being gone just yet, and he is holding onto anger.
Just show him love despite what he is doing, he needs everyone else in the family to be stronger than him. You must remember if he spent most of his life with her, he is taking this extremely hard. Try imagine being with, and loving someone for many years, and then one day they are gone.
I understand you lost a grandmother, but he lost his other half. Be patient with him, and don't hold anything agianst him.
2006-10-26 08:16:13 · answer #2 · answered by R C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is not handling her death very well. Evrybody has skeletons in the closet. He appears to be throwing them all out for everybody to see...I'd give grandpa lots of space...Nobody says you have to listen to him or go see him. Hopefully this blows over before to long. I wouldn't bother changing your number. When/if he calls. Just tell him. If you are going to talk bad about everybody, I really don't want to hear it. No need for you to be nasty, I don't think. Just don't give him a venue for spewing this garbage that is old and nobody wants to hear it anyways...Good luck.
2006-10-26 08:19:22 · answer #3 · answered by Psycomagnet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my wife died, my mother-in-law was very nasty to me. She's ok now. People have strong emotions when someone near them dies. Everybody reacts differently.
If he's calling you, it's probably because he really wants someone to talk to, but feels awful. He's lonely now. Just hang on the line and don't say much. He'll speak his mind, then forget it later. Eventually, he'll settle down. Perhaps he has a lot to get off his chest now that his wife is gone.
It isn't pleasant, but it should pass after a while.
2006-10-26 08:14:05 · answer #4 · answered by nondescript 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your grandfather sounds as if he is lost without your grandmother. He has lived his life with her by his side and now that she is gone he is driving himself crazy. It sounds as if he is purposely pushing his loved ones away. It could be to dettach his feelings from the family so that he don't get hurt anymore. Or he could literally have lost his mind. Even though he pushes his family away, it is family that he needs to keep him sane. However, he could be resisting the support and love he needs because he sees no reason to live on. He wants nothing positive in his life, he is giving up. He is angry that your grandmother left him and angry possibly because he didn't go first. It is also possible that he has many regrets in which it is too late for him to fix. His heartache is engulfing him. What your grandfather is going through is one of the toughest things in life to deal with.
Now we don't know the extent of your grandfathers behavoir. But from what you have told us he is tearing the family apart. Does he have any siblings that he can talk with, or buddies. He needs someone to talk to that knows is pain. Someone he loves and trusts with his feelings. Someone who will listen to him rather than tell him what to do and how to live his life. You should really think about your feelings for your grandfather. Will you regret cutting off all ties? Will you harbor anger towards yourself because the action you took when he is gone? If you think for one moment you will regret it, than I would suggest trying your hardest to deal with him as our time on this earth is limited. I have too many regrets when it comes to my grandparents. My heart breaks just thinking about it. Don't bring yourself a lifetime of heartache because of a few months hardships. It will never be worth it to you, sadly though you don't know this until it's too late. Stay Strong & God Bless!
2006-10-26 09:21:32 · answer #5 · answered by zero 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's had to hold his tongue for 20 years. It's probably built up inside and now he's on a rant. I would leave him alone for a while - he's not being very reasonable nor considerate of your feelings. Just walk away for a while until he cools down.
2006-10-26 08:17:23 · answer #6 · answered by Renee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your grandfather is grieving give him space, don't walk away from him completely but at the same time understand he has lost his life long companion and soul mate.
Thats gotta be tough!
2006-10-26 08:15:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is grieving and doesn't know how to express it properly. Just stay out of it. If he wants to be alone perhaps you should let him as long as the rest of your family stays together and strong.
2006-10-26 08:15:21 · answer #8 · answered by sugarcarat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well the thing is is he is really hurt over his loss and it sounds like he is being kind of selfish, get ahold of him and tell him that you need to speak your peace to him and if he won't listen just don't asnwer his calls anymore let him know that you love him and that you will always be there for him but if he is going to be a jerk about things that you don't have to sit there and take it, anyways best of luck to you
2006-10-26 08:18:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's having a nervous breakdown--- maybe he's kept too much inside for too long. Sounds like it would be good for you to distance yourself. I can't see anything wrong w. changing your phone number if he is calling and harrassing you.
2006-10-26 08:15:46 · answer #10 · answered by ladsmrt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋