How many girls???

Question

How many girls never tell there children who there real father is...I mean not one of those maury shows where you really dont know who your kids father is...but im saying like you know but he doesnt come around or anything. How many people do let there children grow up without knowing the sperm donar? or is willing to let them grow up without knowing? just wondering thanks for the answers....

Answer 1

My 9 year old daughter know her fathers name and that is about it. When I got pregnant at the age of 27 (total accident) he wasn't ready to be a father, but I was ready to be a parent myself, so I continued with the pregnancy. He has since moved back to his native Nebraska and she has never met him, only seen a picture. She considers my husband her father and her little sister is just that, she never refers to her as her half sister even though she is aware of it. If at some point she wants to contact her real father, I would help in any way I could, he wasn't a bad person, he just wasn't read and he was honest about it. I don't hold it against him. And when I say accident, I mean accident, I was on the pill and we were using a condom. She was definitely meant to be here! Every situation is different, and had her father been some unseemly individual I probably would not have told her about him at all. I was lucky and I hope someday he is grown up enough to know her.

Answer 2

I think that if the sperm donor is a good for nothing never come around piece of crap, and "you" (hypothetically) met "your partner" and their current father figure early enough for them to not remember the gap, then I think it's reasonable to not mention it. If they ask questions, be honest, but be gentle. Depending on their age, I would say something to the effect of "There are fathers, then there are daddies. Fathers aren't always daddies, and daddies aren't always fathers. Unfortunately, sometimes fathers aren't ready to be daddies. I wasn't willing to let you grow up without having a daddy, and that's why myself and your daddy are together."

Or something to that general effect. It's gentle and gives them some insight into human behavior.

You never know how much your children realize until they start to ask questions. A mother may be able to get away with not saying anything and never needing to offer explanation. Knowing the sperm donor isn't as important as having a stable, reliable father figure in a child's life. Children ALWAYS blame themselves. It doesn't matter how you try to break it to them. If Sperm Donor is an alcoholic, drug addicted good for nothing, a child WILL find a way to blame him or herself for Sperm Donor's problems. If Sperm Donor wasn't ready for a child, the child WILL find a way to say, "If only I was a better baby, maybe I was too fussy... Then Sperm Donor would still be around.." So it definitely has to be approached with caution.

Answer 3

I don't know how many, but I would just say to be prepared to give some answers when they ask. I am 28 years old, and still do not know who my father is. My mother will not even tell me, and when I ask her, she just gets mad and asks why do I need to know.

I would get many questions about it while growing up, especially since my mother is Irish with red hair, green eyes and freckles, and I am olive-toned with dark hair. It has always been a little awkward when people ask what nationality or race I am and I have to explain why I don't know.

It is also important to know who your real parents are for medical reasons. Last month, my 5-year-old daughter had an unexplained seizure, and since neither my husband or myself knows our paternal background (he knows his dad, but none of the medical history, and they dont not talk - dad's in prison), we felt so helpless. We could not even tell the doctors if there is a family history of any seizure disorders, which makes it much more difficult to predict whether she is likely to have another seizure in the future.

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

I have a friend who has two kids by two dads. They are 1 year apart and she tell them that the father of the second child is the father of both, because that is who she's with. The little boy has no idea she's lying to them. The second father is a real P.O.S. He's a meth head looser who refuses to work, and the first dad isn't any better. The second dad treats the first kid much harsher then his real kid. It is obvious that he doesn't love him. Why he insists on being "dad" to him is beyond me.
I'm just afraid that when he gets older one of us is going to slip in front of him and he'll find out that way. How traumatizing!
I wish both dads would fall off a cliff so those sweet little boys could have a fighting chance to have a decent life!

Answer 5

What if the "sperm donor" is locked up in prison for a long period of time - when the child grows up and discovers that her father has been locked up for a long time - maybe she never wants to see him again.

Answer 6

A child has the right to know no matter what. I don't care if they are on drugs or jack the ripper. They have the right to know. I would just make sure they understand that they are not to blame for how there dad is, they didn't get a choice in the matter.

Answer 7

a child has a right to know who his father is, but what if the father does not want to know who his child is, wouldn;t that just cause alot of undue stress to a child? I think if the mother is raising the child than when he or she is young enough it is the mothers choice to tell or not. Once the child is old enough to make his or her own decisions than it is the responsibility of the mother to tell the child who the father is.

Answer 8

I have the same problem but this is the way i have dealt with it. I married a wonderful man who assumed the role of daddy and you will never tell him she is not his. She knows he's not her biological father and she also knows when she is ready to meet him we are both behind her 100 percent

Answer 9

maybe tell them when they're older or when they start asking. the kids will probably want to know but it's difficult to handle the rejection if they want to be in the father's life but he doesn't want that. there's no excuse for that in my book, though. i know it happens but, come on men, grow up a little and take responsibility for your lives.

Answer 10

You're right that's nothing like a Maury show