Would you do it, and could you justify it?

Question

A friend of mine's daughter recently became pregnant. Well, my friend is forcing her daughter to get an abortion. I will admit, even I think she is too young to have a baby (15) but why not just get her to have the baby and give it up to someone who can't have a child, or adopt within the family!! I know if my daughter became preggo, I could never force her into an abortion!!! Besides my morals on the issue, I have heard stories about women who had abortions that had trouble carrying babies, and miscarried several times before they actually could have a baby! Why do people do this to their kids, and how can they justify it....???

Her daughter is unsure of what she wants, but knows that she doesn't want to have an abortion. She is scared the kids at school will call her a baby killer...and she doesn't want to be one...( She doesn't agree with abortions)

Answer 1

I expect that it would be easier and less complications in their lives if these parents rushed to the abortion clinic so that they could just erase the "problem". They don't want to face what their daughter did let alone that she got pregnant. They don't want to deal with her being pregnant. And while they don't want the baby - they would rather be rid of it than to give it to someone outside. It makes me so sad.

Answer 2

I do not agree that the mother should do this to her child, forcing her to have an abortion. Of course there will be side effects, just like there would be side effects if she kept the baby (pressure of being a baby with a baby, not being able to enjoy her childhood.. etc) and there will also be side effects if she were to put it up for adoption (guilt, having to give up a part of yourself...). But, like everything in life, this issue, and whatever choice is made, requires sacrifice. That is what makes it tricky, I would think. I do not know why a parent would do this to their child, and it cannot be justified. But it can be explained by the fear the mother more than likely feels. If the daughter keeps the baby, her mother will probably have to make the same sacrifices as her daughter. I have not had any children, but when I do , and if I am ever in this situation, I would not force her into an abortion, but I would explain the choices that are possible and be with her on whatever SHE chooses. I will explain the pros and cons of each option, and also supply any professional support that may be available, because I do not imagine this would be an easy situation for anyone. I would never treat it lightly.

Answer 3

I don't believe, whether she is 15 or not, that her mother can force her to have an abortion. First off, the only person allowed in the room when one is performed (my cousin had one) is the doc, a nurse, and the patient. So her mother could not be there. The doc will ask her if she is being forced or coerced into this or whatever...they won't do it if she doesn't want it. To a small degree I think it best to mind your own business, however, I think it is totally wrong to force this on her child. I think maybe see if you could get the 15 year old alone sometime and tell her...she does not HAVE to do that. I think it is very unfair to say at 15 if she keeps this child she should move out and get her own place...that's no better parenting than forcing an abortion on her. Just my opinion though......
Try to talk with the girl privately and tell her she has a choice. It's her body. There are places she can go if her mother wants to boot her out. There are people who would help her if she chooses to keep her baby or just carry and adopt out. Help her know she has a choice...

Answer 4

That's a hard question. I think she can justify it is because it's her insurance that is going to be charged for the pregnancy, and what happens when the girl changes her mind and wants to keep the baby? Then not only does your friend have to take care of her teenager, but she has a baby in the house too. I am assuming that the "father" of the baby doesn't know, or is also a teenager that most likely will not be able to financially support this child.

This woman is also thinking about her daughter's health and education. Usually, a 15 year old's body is not fully ready to handle a pregnancy, and MANY complications may arise (as they do with healthy adults). If the girl decides to go through with the pregnancy, she will also have problems at school. Why has she already told people in school about her situation? Nobody in school would know she had an abortion if she didn't tell anybody.

Ultimately, it's none of your business, you should just support your friend no matter what she and her daughter decides.

Answer 5

Sometimes parents feel they have no other choice. I work with pregnant teens and if you saw what a 13 year old or even a 15 year old girl is going through by being forced to have a child, you might consider differently. No girl that young is mentally capable of going through a pregnancy or an abortion. Making a girl go through pregnancy and missing out on school is no way to teach them a lesson. However, "making" them get an abortion is no way either. Abortions are not a form of both control. This is why they now hove the pill that causes miscarriages. It is highly effective, less painful (it feel like a period) and there is less mental anguish in the child. Some parents feel getting an abortion is like giving their child a second chance at becoming someone and doing something with their lives instead of losing it at 13 or 15 and having to take care of a baby. Most of the time it is the parents of the pregnant child who end up taking care of the child. She probably feels that she shouldn't have to go through that. She is already trying to take care of her own child, how will she take care of someone elses child? The biggest question is...where was the parent when she was out having unprotected sex? Did they not go over the consequences with their child and what they would do if in fact this situation was to arise? I find that 9 out of the 10 girls that that become pregnant are not guided in the right direction or given false information by other girls and boys. They are more often afraid to talk to their parents about sex because it is made so evil and most parents don't feel comfortable talking about it with them so they avoid the situation. As far as abortions and miscarriages, most women that have trouble carrying full term pregnancies after having abortions is due to having too many of them. I know many women that have had 1 and they do just fine when they do decide to carry a full term pregnancy. It is when you have 3 or more that can cause complications because or scarring of the uterus scaring and stretching. It can also be due to diet and life choice activities. Women who smoke and have had an abortion are more likely to miscarry than a normal healthy woman who doesn't smoke and had one abortion. Back to the girl, her mother should ask her how she feels about every possibility. It is her body and her choice. With your morals on this issue, think about this...if you were raped and became pregnant, would have the child knowing it would remind you of the horrible time in your life? The mental instability it would place on you would be to much to bare to even take are of a child. How do you know you won't treat it differently because it is a child not created from love? I'm not trying to say that what you believe is wrong, I just think people should think about it more than just murder or a form of birth control. Does any of this make sense? I hope I was able to help. If you would like to know more on my experiences, feel free to email me.

Answer 6

My sister fell pregnant at the age of 16. I had just found out a few weeks before that I was expecting my first child ( married for 2 years) aged 24. My mum & dad were very upset but there was no way they would of considered letting her have an abortion. I don't know how your friend can force her daughter to have an abortion. If they don't want to raise the baby I'm sure that there are plenty of people out there that can't have children of their own and would give anything to have a baby.
My parents supported my sister through her pregnancy. She lived with my parents for three years before marrying her childs father. They have been married for 6 years now and have three children.

Answer 7

I think there is something wrong with the woman to try to force her child into having an abortion. If the girl doesn't want to have one, she doesn't have to.

Where is the father and would he support the girl while she had the baby. Adoption seems to be the best situation for the girl. She could just go somewhere where she isn't known, have the baby, then come back to her life, although school wouldn't be the same because people would know that she had a baby.

She'd probably have to go to another school and get new friends anyway.

That woman definitely has issues. You can't just sweep it away. It happened and she has to deal with it. But, she has to honor her daughter's wishes too.

Answer 8

Um, someone has to intervene on the child's behalf.....the mother cannot force her to have the procedure.....I would suggest calling the girls school counselor anonymously.....they have to report it. I don't know which is worse, forcing them to have the baby or forcing them to have an abortion......there are magic pills these days so that you don't have to undergo a suction abortion...I think in some ways its easier but if has to be done before 9 weeks. This girl needs to stand up and be a woman now that she has played as such. There are plenty of homes for girls in her condition who will help her become a responsible parent or prepare to give the baby up for adoption.

My daughter is 15 too and she knows how I feel, I would support her decision though and do my best to counsel her so she was comfortable making her own decision. She had a friend that got pregnant at 12...yeah, so we have had this discussion.

Answer 9

ok, I am against abortion too, but putting that aside, the things I have noticed are these

1. Getting an abortion for a child that young, can empower her to do it again, after all, you can throw the baby away right? and no one is putting you down.

2. Carrying the child to term, whether you adopt out or not, can be a good way to show the child how to take resposibility for actions. And not just sweep it under the rug and forget about it. They are usually less likely to go out and get preggo again.

3. Forcing the young mom to keep the baby against her will, will only force her to show emotions to the child she doesn't feel and when the child gets older, will feel unwanted.

There are so many outcomes to the different situations, but an abortion for a child this young, again will only empower her to go and do it again.

Answer 10

That's sad! I would never force my child to have an abortion! The depression that will follow will affect this girl for her entire life. She will resent her mother, and it will cause them to grow apart. The mother cannot force her daughter to abort by law, but she may end up convincing her to do it by saying that she will kick her out if she doesn't. Entrapment has many powers, unfortunately. I do NOT agree with abortion at all! My sister got pregnant at 16, and decided to keep the baby. My mom now cares for her children, but her kids are so beautiful, and special in our lives. My son is very close to his cousins, and I'm so happy that my sister went through with her pregnancies. Adoption is always the best route if she can't take care of the baby herself. I think the mom is just trying to avoid public scrutiny of having a 15 year old pregnant daughter, by sweeping it under the rug. That's the wrong way to teach her daughter the value of life, and learning from your mistakes. Good luck to her! My prayers are with her.

Answer 11

I don't think she can force her to have an abortion, it's up to the girl. She has every right to have her baby no matter what, if it's finances that are worrying her there are many places and programs that can help. You can't just go around killing babies like it's not a big deal. The girl could have emotional scars the rest of her life. That is very selfish and evil of your friend. Try to convince her not to try and make her daughter do that.