How do I get my boyfriend to propose? We have only been together for 5 months but have been through a lot! We were only together for 1 month when we found out that I was pregnant. We moved right in with each other. We recently lost our baby after preterm labor at 17 1/2 weeks. It brought us even closer and we have decided to try again in 6 months. I want him to ask me to marry him before we get pregnant again. He said he thought about marriage but needed time. I don't need time because I have been married before and know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know what love is but he has not been married and is 6 years younger than me. Should I propose to him? I just don't want to get turned down. What should I do? Also, I have been seperated from my husband for almost a year and it will be finalized in early December. I don't know if he is waiting for that to talk to me about when we might get engaged. With the loss of our child, it will help me cope.
2006-10-26 07:05:58 · 26 answers · asked by triathlon1979 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
DO NOT plan to try again for another baby if he isn't "ready" for marriage!!!
I can't stress this enough, having a baby does not constitute the "right" to be married and live happily ever after.
Marriage is tough work -- all the time! Don't let anyone tell you any differently! I know that joys of having a baby, I know what that is like with someone you really love. I know how hard it is with a baby and a new marriage -- this is experience talking.
This isn't a lecture, please don't take it as that. I am just giving you some facts.
If he can't be married and love you and want to make it work, what makes you think that he can do that with a new baby in the picture?
If he isn't ready to commit as a Husband, he isn't ready to commit as a Father.
God only gives you as much as you can handle and I want you to know that you have my sympathy with the loss of your child, but there is a plan for everyone and God's plan was in effect when you lost your child.
It is hard, it hurts, it pains your every fiber (again, experience) but, you have to be "ready" for all of it -- not just what you choose.
-EZ
2006-10-26 08:17:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend hasn't proposed to you yet, it is probably because he either isn't ready, or just doesn't want to. You can't force him to marry you. And why the hell are you two trying to have a baby after you've only been together for 5 months? It doesn't matter whether you got pregnant the first time. That doesn't give you the right to try again; you are only trying to get pregnant again to make yourself feel better by replacing what you think you've lost. You said it yourself: "With the loss of our child, it will help me cope". That's selfish! Concentrate on building a stronger relationship together first. Let your boyfriend decide to propose if and when he is ready. If you try to force him, he will end up resenting you for it later.
2006-10-26 07:13:21 · answer #2 · answered by badkitty1969 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You cannot rush this man into marriage. From the sound of it, you've already rushed into a serious relationship with him. You haven't even become legally divorced yet and you've already moved in with someone else and become pregnant. I cannot imagine the loss of a child, but rushing off into marrying this man is not the answer to coping with your grief.
Give it some time. If you truly love him now, you should still feel the way another year or two down the line. Get to know each other and learn to communicate first. Give yourself time to get over the failure of your first marriage and recover from losing your child.
2006-10-26 07:09:45 · answer #3 · answered by Sativa 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Five months seems like a short time to be together. And the time you've had was mostly traumatic. Try waiting another 5 months or a year for more quiet times, and see how you do then. If he's the right one, then waiting won't matter if you'll be together for the rest of your lives. If he's not the right one, you've saved yourself a lot of grief. Besides, certainly you should be divorced from your first husband before you announce you're engaged to another man.
And when the time comes - why not propose to him?
2006-10-26 07:10:34 · answer #4 · answered by Ralfcoder 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't rush him!! Especially since you've been married before and he is 6 years younger...give him time to think about things.
Also...kids are a horrible reason for getting married. Don't force yourselves together by trying to get pregnant again. Chances are, you're only going to be putting the child in a awkward situation if things don't work out.
If he isn't ready to get married, then you definitely aren't ready to have children together...I would think this through a little bit more before jumping from divorced to married and pregnant.
2006-10-26 09:24:11 · answer #5 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, my condolences on the loss of your child.
You can't "get" a guy to propose, and any marriage based on the guy feeling he was forced into it is doomed to fail. I don't think you should be trying to have another child with this guy if he's not willing to make a commitment to you. Then, it's up to him: he can choose to stay or not. And if you decide to make such an ultimatim, you have to be prepared for the fact that he might choose to leave rather than commit. In that case, in my opinion, you won't have lost much. But, really, after this short amount of time, you're pushing too hard and moving too fast. Slow down!
2006-10-26 07:12:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT push the issue any further with him. If he needs time give him all the time he needs. He needs to be 100% sure that he wants to get married. Getting married is a life commitment so it will take some people a while to think about marriage.
2006-10-26 07:24:35 · answer #7 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ask him!! If he's not ready you will push him away. Or if you marry too soon, later on he will be more likely to cheat. Would you wanna marry someone knowing that you forced it? It takes two. Now if 3yrs goes by and he still hasn't purposed then hint around if he's still not going for it, dump him and move on! It sounds like you move too fast and having a baby is no reason to marry. I'm sorry that you lost your baby and I hope this all works out for you. If he loves you, he'll come around just wait..
2006-10-26 07:24:04 · answer #8 · answered by Oh my! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are still married. You have a bf. You got pregnant but lost the baby. You've known your bf for 5 months. You want to "get" your guy to propose to you.
Even one of these things is reason enough to NOT be thinking about marriage. But all of them? You are way too immature to be considering marriage under these circumstances.
Although 6 years younger than you, your bf has the brains in the relationship. Let him make the decisions.
2006-10-26 07:09:33 · answer #9 · answered by kja63 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
You don't want to get married to help fill a hole in yourself. That is a recipe for disaster.
I feel terrible that you lost a pregnancy, and that you are seperated from a previous marriage. That must be tough. You need to work through that on your own, and maybe with him. That might bring you more close emotionally to the point where he wants to propose, but who knows?
Basically honey, seems like you are still stuck in rebound mode to me. Seems like you are dying for someone to love you and be by your side, etc. You need to be by yourself for awhile to get that inner strenght back. Don't rush into another marriage or getting pregnant. You might hurt yourself more in the process.
2006-10-26 07:21:06 · answer #10 · answered by Laura 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋