How do I stop my son from hitting and help avoid temper tantrums?

Question

My son is 22 months (I know, getting close to the terible 2's) he has been hitting for a while and "no" doesn't work. I try to say to him please don't hit, it hurts, but he just laughs at me thinking it is a game. We think he may be too young for time outs and spanking is out of the question! His temper is bad too, if he doesn't get his way he will throw himself on the floor and pout! When I pick him up he fights and struggles with me. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

First of all, you need to realize that time outs don't help anything. Sitting somewhere for a punishment? Okay, well then I'm being punished right now! Time outs only shame children and isolate them. Not to mention teach defiance.

Answer 2

If he throws himself on the floor and starts a tantrum, just let him. Don't talk to him, don't try to pick him up or bargain. He's doing it because he wants attention and he thinks that if he cries long enough you will give in to him. He's at the age where he's just coming out of being a baby where all of his wants and needs were given to him by crying, and it's very confusing and hard for the child. This is the age where he's just starting to learn right and wrong and you need to be teaching him that he's too old to get things from you by crying. Its a tough transition age for kids. Let him cry it out and ignore him until he understands that it won't get him attention or what he wants. (Obviously, make sure he doesn't hurt himself) It may take time, but it has worked very well for me. As for hitting, no, he's not too young to be put in time out. I agree with you about spanking. You don't teach a child not to hit by hitting them. If when you say "no, that hurts" and he laughs, tell him that it's not funny and put him in his crib/bed for a while. You have to nip that behavior in the bud, other wise you will have real problems very soon.

Answer 3

well, i don't suggest spankings but every now and then it sure does the trick for some kids- and others well, u just have to be consistent and very firm and even though u think he is too young for timeouts it isn't too soon to start doing this little technique, because believe it or not it actually works! i've read both of the super nanny books and i have gotten so many techniques out of them- i would really recommend them to u and ur spouse as an educational guide for parents- trust me! it works! i have many nieces and nephews and a 4yr old son- i went through all those little temper tantrums myself. well hope that helped- good luck.

Answer 4

You would be surprised, he is not too young to try a time out. I did with my daughter one day when she was throwing her wooden blocks in the kitchen. I figured if I didn't do anything, she'd think she could always get away with it. So I tried. I tried to follow what I've seen on Supernanny, I put her on the couch (not suitable for a time out, but I was just trying it) she got up once then I put her back and she did stay. The sitter told me she uses it when she throws something, she'll make her sit where ever she was for a minute or two. My daughter hits me occasionally, but she does know she's not supposed to. She'll do it once, I tell her she'll get a time out if she does it again, and she usually doesn't. As far as the tantrums, leave them alone. The more you try to talk with them or divert their attention, the worse they become. Leave them alone when they do it, (if you're home) and let them calm down by themselves. They have to learn they won't get anything from throwing a tantrum about it.

PS - I won't spank either.

Answer 5

22 months is not too young for a time out. A time out just means that you remove him from the area for a designated amount of time. This is especially useful for toddlers, who basically throw fits for YOUR benefit. If they don't have an audience, then who do they play it up for? When your son hits, get down on his eye level (squat down), hold his arms (gently) to his sides, and say, "No hit. I don't like hitting." in a firm voice. If he does it again, take him to a certain area of the house (where there are no toys or books, etc to look at) and place him there. Tell him that you want him to stay there for 1 minute, then you will come back and get him. After 1 minute, come back and tell him why he was sitting. "You are sitting because Mommy doesn't like it when you hit. Hitting hurts." Then tell him how to fix it... "We touch each other softly, like this." and demonstrate how to stroke another person's arm, with your hand guiding his. It is important to not only tell the child what you don't like (no hitting) but to also SHOW them what you do want them to do (stroke gently). If all you tell a child is what to NOT do, then you aren't giving the child the appropriate tools to correct their behavior. Another important tip is to allow him to throw his fit- and you walk away. Just make sure that there is nothing dangerous (glass items, etc) near him that he could break or get hurt on, and then leave the room. This is not only to get him to realize that you aren't going to watch his "show", but to save a little of your sanity as well. Watching a toddler get all worked up can really affect your heart rate, breathing and mentality. You need a little break from the screaming too, so by removing yourself from the area, you can take 10 deep breaths to be able to better deal with him as he calms down. Working with a toddler in a heightened state will not help either of you to be able to calm down and resolve the situation. When he is in the middle of a meltdown, don't try to pick him up- just ignore. He is tryiing to get his way, and by giving him attention as he does this, you are just perpetuating the cycle. Good luck! Toddlers can be a handful!

Answer 6

Sounds as if this is a game to him. You'll need to very firmly tell him "No! that is NOT okay!" each time he does this and explain to him that it hurts. He needs to understand it is never okay to hit another person. As for the tantrums, alot of that is likely due to his frustration over the lack of control in his life. Try encouraging him to use his words to express his frustration and begin this encouragement when he's not having a tantrum. I don't think he's too young for time out, however, 2 minutes in time out is age appropriate. You can purchase him a "time out bear" from One Step Ahead. It has a timer on it and allows the child to hug the bear as they think about why they're in timeout.

Answer 7

No need for spanking him, but your voice needs to sound more
firm and when you say NO!! and he laughs about it send him to
his room, NO BUTS!!. You have to show him you mean business
and to show him what he is doing is wrong. You keep giving in to
him only shows him he can act up and still get his way. I have 2
grand-daughters and the oldest is 3 and she gets in her moods
and does the same thing, we just send her to her room. My daughter used to tell her younger sister, "Just give it to her" that
right there only show her what she needs to do. Have a tantrum
and I'll get my way. NO that's not how things work, you get things
cause you earned it. If you don't start showing him the right way
then forget it later on cause he'll be stepping all over you. My
10 month old grand-daughter stairs at her older sister and she
would just check things out, now all of sudden she started to
throw herself back having her baby tantrums, We scold her
letting her know now that she is not going to get her way, if she
acts that way. And mined you she stops. You have to show them
your mommy and he's daddy and NO MEANS NO!!

Answer 8

Jack tries hitting me (he's the same age as your son)> I grab his hands firmly but without hurting and give him the meanest "I'm going to whop you sideways" look I can muster, I lower my voice and I say "do not hit mommy, do not hit anybody" THEN I pick him up and put him in his crib and say "you are in time-out" and I wait awhile (until his crying stops) and I go back in there and say "are you going to be nice now?" and I make him sign "i'm sorry" and I give him a hug and off we go. If he were to do this again I'd repeat my actions same as before. As far as throwing himself on the floor I just pick him up and put him straight to his crib. Most often he falls asleep. That brings something up, are you sure he's getting enough sleep for his age? Also make sure he's not living off've sugar foods and that he's getting plenty of protein and healthy carbs...Good luck...

Answer 9

OK, you wont yell, you wont discipline, and you wont spank? He hits you while laughing, and you just tell him "no"? Hello!!!!!!!!! Are people aware that Dr. Spock (the guy that "invented" the no spank rule), had no children, and realized later on down the road, after it was to late, that all of his theories on child raising where wrong?
So, you really don't want to discipline your child, but you want him to behave. You are SOL lady.

Answer 10

He's not too young for time out. Be consistent with discipline and try to keep a calm head yourself. It is a rough time to go through but do remember they do grow out of it. Eventually.