I met a great guy online. We talk on the phone for hours and hours on end and our dates are magical. We both feel the chemistry that has existed over the past few weeks and have similar ideas of how a relationship should be. The problem is that in spite of our chemistry, I have noticed that he still logs into his online dating account almost every day. I found this out when I went online to deactivate mine. Since we are linked online, I can see his log in activity, and he still appears to be going online, presumably to view other profiles and meet other people.
Should I mention to him that this makes me uncomfortable? How would you handle this if your person of interest showed mutual feelings to your face but still dawdled around in the background. I should mention that neither of us has verbally stated that we are going to be exclusive, but the relationship seems to be headed that way. The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is that he still seems to be looking. I'm confused.
2006-10-26 06:18:13 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just because the relationship seems headed towards exclusivity, that isn't the same as being there. It has only been a few weeks, and while things seem to be going good between you two the truth is that is a very short time period. I think he is going to keep his options open for awhile longer till you two reach that exclusive stage in your relationship. You have to remember, he also may have other girls he started getting to know before you two hooked up and you can't expect him to just end those until he is absolutely sure you two are a serious item.
2006-10-26 06:23:37 · answer #1 · answered by rkrell 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're being both cautious and paranoid, you know... You still don't own him yet, do you? Just let him do what he wants to since you two are just on a mutual relationship status, and in no way should be possessive to each other. Why should you feel uncomfy, anyway when there's nothing essential enough to tell which situations you should be comfortable with or not?
He might still be exploring... probably because he wants to meet more people. The only big deal on this is that "is he still going to be the same to you in spite of his search for more new people to befriend?". Find it out for yourself and decide. You won't be able to find the main solution unless you answer that big deal question first and foremost
2006-10-26 06:37:31 · answer #2 · answered by Grifter Heavenspike 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if he is feeling the same chemistry you are and has hopes of a long-term relationship with you, he may not be ready to be exclusive. He is being cautious - perhaps he's been hurt before by rushing into things, or takes exclusivity so seriously that he doesn't want to commit before he's sure.
The only way to find out is to talk to him. Neither of you have discussed your status, so it would be unfair to assume that "we've been dating for X weeks, therefore we are now exclusive." Bring up the issue with him: let him know that you feel a real connection with him, and are not interested in dating anyone else at this time. That you don't want to pressure him, but hopes he feels the same. Ask how he feels about it, and what he is ready for. Hopefully you can find a solution that makes both of you happy.
Please keep in mind that even if he isn't ready to commit YET, it doesn't mean he doesn't want to commit EVER, or that the doesn't care for you.. He may just need more time. (But don't wait forever, either - if he's not willing to be exclusive after four months of intense dating, it's time to cut your losses.)
2006-10-26 06:28:27 · answer #3 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You didn't say if you have actually met face to face yet.
It's easy to build somebody up in your mind... when you meet face to face the chemistry is gone. If he is still checking out the dating site he is not ready to commit, especially when you can see for yourself that he is logging in. Of course it is to check whats out there.
How long have you two known each other? It may develop into something, and what you have is real, on the other hand he may want to keep his options open.
Perhaps you should clear the air without appearing pushy... you just want to know where you stand and if you are wasting your time.
2006-10-26 06:25:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are being cautious. I had this same problem when going to deactivate mine. I chose to confront him and discuss where we were going in this relationship and if he was still "looking". I was told he was not and he immediately deactivated his account. Some people like to keep checking for the sake of checking. Be honest, ask him why he is still "looking" and do tell him how you feel about it. If he continues to look, and does not deactivate it is a good indication that he is still looking to date others. Good luck to you!!
2006-10-26 06:24:07 · answer #5 · answered by notfreeinnh 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should mention it to him. Communication is the key to success in every relationship. If you keep things bottled up inside you, this relationship won't work out. I've been in a similar situation before and communicating has helped make things more clear.
2006-10-26 06:24:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just be careful. Be bold enough to ask about the direction of the relationship, and don't mention what you saw online or he will think you are stalking him. Until you are exclusive, you don't have any say at all over what he does.
2006-10-26 07:13:49 · answer #7 · answered by Stella 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
good communication is the key here. If you BOTH agree that the realstionship is getting hot and heavy then he will close the account. HOwever, if u tell him how u feel how do u expect him to act?? He may think ur not into him??
2006-10-26 07:12:53 · answer #8 · answered by stewiegrif27 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well there is obviously chemistry but since he is still looking just ask him. If he's not honest with you seriously consider moving on, there are tons of great guys out there.
2006-10-26 06:22:21 · answer #9 · answered by JUDY M 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Neither, Seems to me online dating is not a good choice when deciding to meet other mates. I think you should find you someone in your area and not online. Of course he is single and just because he have contacted you from his account doesn't stop him from contacting other woman of his interest. It is best to
find someone more closer to you.
2006-10-26 06:31:17 · answer #10 · answered by BabyGirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋