I was out of status illegal when i married my ex.We stayed married for 3 yrs,but nvr filed any INS papers.When I approached her about it she accuses me of using her for papers and treats me like dirt. she even accuses me of tricking her into marrying me.she even cheats on me and shows no remorse when i catch her,instead she's arrogant and defiant. i was hurt, humiliated, embarassed, depressed & played for a fool.I was so depressed that I lost 30 LBS in a month.i dropped from 160 to 130 LBS.she calls me a loser that i will nvr amount to anything & she even threaten to hv me reported to immigration if i ever tried to harm her.I loved her; why would i try to harm her.she was the love of my life. she wnted no part of me so I ended things amicably and went separate ways.Since parting ways I graduated frm college with my BS degree. Met a wonderful woman who's my wife now, got my CPA & work 4 Ernst & Young accounting firm plus hv my green card. I feel I need to c my ex for closure. Pls Help!
2006-10-26 04:44:37 · 24 answers · asked by chimi c 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Immigration
my apologies if my question wasn't clear enough. I do NOT wish to see my EX to show how well I'm doing or to get back with her. I do NOT wish revenge or harm on her. i guess i just want her to know that 5 years ago i wanted to be with her because i loved her and not for papers. That she was wrong in assessing what kind of person i was and what i am now. I love my wife with all my heart and she even tells me that my ex was a vicious cold hearted person.I guess a part of me is looking for an apology for the way my ex treated me. nothing more ...nothing less.
2006-10-26 05:05:25 · update #1
in response to tawkit:
I knew i was going to be vilified by some people with really absurd responses & advise, but yours definitely takes the cake. If you must know why i put "c" and not "see" in my question is because i had run out of the alloted number of characters Yahoo allowed me to work with(1000 limit). Anyone with half a brain would know that, but then again you just wanted to spew your hatred towards me. You are definitely entitled to your opinion no matter how delusional and ridiculous it may sound. God bless you.
2006-10-26 06:09:04 · update #2
What a horrible existence. I feel that she did to you on a small scale what the "Americans" are doing to the entire illegal community on a larger scale....it is degrading. I feel that you will accomplish nothing seeing this spiteful person face to face. Write her a letter and carbon copy it to a mutual best friend that you had together when you were married. That way if she decides not to read the letter...she will get a phone call from that mutual friend and that friend will in essence force her to discuss this letter. A face to face confrontation with her would only cause a big fight and you will unfortunately not get a chance to speak to her about everything. I am happy that you have found true love........Be Good to her.
2006-10-26 04:56:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You don't want closure from her. You're looking for her to feel remorse and regret over her actions. The woman you loved hurt you and now, in your own way, you want to hurt her back. First ask yourself why do you need this validation from her? Why are you still holding on to the past when you have a great present and future ahead of you?
You need to find peace with your past - and you need to do it from within. You need to let it go and be okay with what happened it the past and move on. Let your anger and your hurt go. You may need a counselor for this and that's okay.
You still have alot of pent up rage and hurt from that marriage. You know, your ex-wife might have done all those things regardless of your citizen status - maybe that was just the excuse she used. Then where would you put the blame?
What happens if you see her, show off, and she still doesn't care? She still thinks you're beneath her? Then what? Do you hurt even more? Does her opinion of you still greatly affect you even though she's no longer in your life? Or do you move on and say 'screw her' it doesn't matter what she says. Cause if you can say that once you talk to her - why can't you say that now?
You are treading on thin ice with your wonderful new wife. This could seriously cause some big problems with your marriage. Is this 'closure' worth it?
You need work on closure by making peace with the past - and need to do so without her.
She obviously didn't care what your reasons were back then - even though you told her it was out of love - what makes you think she's going to care now?
2006-10-26 05:09:12 · answer #2 · answered by betsymaemae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you hope to gain from contacting her. If you've given an accurate account of your "former" relationship she already knows the truth of your character. She probably just did not want to be with you and the immigration thing was the easiest way to break things off. If you are over her what difference does it make that she knows how wonderful your life is now. You say you have a wonderful wife and a great career. So, why are you even thinking about this other woman. The "I'll show her" mentality indicates you have not gotten over the pain you felt from her rejection. Telling her about your wonderful life is not going to ease that pain. It seems you have some esteem issues that need analyzing. Exploring your anger and feelings of rejection with a professional will probably be very helpful. I suggest you put your energy into making your life as good as you think it is and move forward. Otherwise, you risk ruining the relationship you have with your wife.
2006-10-26 05:00:37 · answer #3 · answered by Syrinxsweetsong 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why? The best vindication you could ever have is the knowledge that she was totally wrong about you. I'll even wager that she is sitting somewhere now in some dead end job, in a relationship with some mentally or physically abusive s.o.b., and living in some half-as-much as she wishes she had dive. You are the opposite of everything that America complains about. You are here honestly, you are working in a job that you earned through an education and not because you were willing to do it for cheaper, and are living off your own cash flow and not the governments hand out line. Pat yourself on the back man, and leave that garbage where it belongs, in the trash behind you.
2006-10-26 04:59:25 · answer #4 · answered by sc_slic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some wise person said 'Living well is the best revenge.' You have my sympathies, because I have three or four people on my personal 'revenge list,' and have fantasised about confronting them etc., but then I'm stopped by (i) entertaining the above thought, and (ii) realising that they're bound to come back at me with something and then we'd be into another cycle without end. Best of all would be - if you feel you must - to arrange that she learns from a third party how happy and fulfilled you are now. I promise you that works much, much better.
2006-10-26 04:54:19 · answer #5 · answered by mrsgavanrossem 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
maybe you are, what she says your are.
you probably did use her for getting your papers but you were to slow to get them.
how can she cheat on you if you are divorced? same old thing you guys think your women are property!
she should have reported you and should report you.
maybe she calls you a loser because you didn't get your papers when you could have. now you will have to trick someone else into marrying you.
in your the sentence,
"I feel I need to "C" my ex for closeure."
does the "c" mean cut? you guys are so violent. you think the world revolves around you and you are the only important thing on earth! get over yourself and leave the poor woman alone she has been punished enough just being married to you!
and you know you can go to jail threatening someone like you have done her in this post!
2006-10-26 05:34:41 · answer #6 · answered by Tawkit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let go.....let it go.
To carry a grudge is kind of like wearing a new shirt day after day every day. It may look good on you at first but pretty soon it's going to stink.
The saying "living well is the best revenge" reminds me of an episode of Frasier..
Frasier: NILES! Niles, get a hold of yourself! You know the expression, "Living well is the
best revenge"?
Niles: It's a wonderful expression. Just don't know how true it is.
Don't see it turning up in a lot of opera plots. “Ludwig,
maddened by the poisoning of his entire family, wreaks
vengeance on Gunther in the third act by living well.”
Frasier: All right, Niles. [heads into the kitchen]
Niles: [follows him] “Whereupon Woton, upon discovering his
deception, wreaks vengeance on Gunther in the third act
again by living even better than the Duke.”
Frasier: Oh, all right!
Remember the one who angers you is the one who controls you.
Do not give them that much power over you.
2006-10-26 04:55:57 · answer #7 · answered by sprydle 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your ex is a politician then i would say she was only doing what comes natural to a liberal. You should not see her because she will try to get you to vote for her and then she will cheat even more besides your new wife might cut off your green card and then you would need your ex again and she might be a liberal newly elected and refuse to give you even anew red card. Excellent political question though and i hope my answer helps you work it all out.
2006-10-26 04:52:26 · answer #8 · answered by daydoom 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i understand you've been searching for adult men to respond to your question, yet do not you imagine he's utilising you? he's not any longer the in hardship-free words guy contained in the international that would take care of you approaches you want...no longer to point, the way you need to be treated. And he's not any longer the in hardship-free words guy that would sex you the way elect/like. on occasion that's perplexing for us women people to interrupt a bond after sex (distinctly strong sex, and thoughts), yet why might want to you favor to waste a even as with someone who would not relish your communication, steals the milk he receives for loose, and is residing off of your price like that? Sounds slightly ungrateful too. His concepts is a few position else, dropping a even as. I say you need to discover someone better effective. do not promote your self short basically because the mission seems strong to you. don't be stuck up (distinctly contained in the incorrect position, on the incorrect time).
2016-10-16 06:31:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on your success. If you feel you need to talk to someone for closure, then I think you should do it. I would not suggest hiding it from your new spouse. Also consider if writing a letter would do the same for you.
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edit, I seem to have a different opinion than most. I want to say that I am not for talking to her/him in order to rub their nose in anything, but if you need to confront them, and tell them the way they treated you was harmfull, then do so.
2006-10-26 04:53:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋