2006-10-26 04:29:48 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."
2006-10-26 04:33:36 · answer #1 · answered by Cowboy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A fellow collected his urine sample in a bottle to get it tested in a clinical lab. He left the bottle for a while on a small table in his house and went inside the dressing room. At that time a sweeper maid who came to sweep the floor accidentally pushed the table which caused the sample bottle to tumble down. Alas, the urine sample got splashed all over. The shocked maid, knowing that her master won't take it kindly, immediately cleaned the spillage thoroughly, went inside the bathroom, refilled the bottle with her own urine, and silently put it back in its original place and left. After some time, the gentleman came out, picked up the bottle and handed it over to the clinical laboratory. After a couple of days, the guy came home angirily with the test report on hand and shouting at his wife: "Look, I told you not to horse ride on me during sex. Now see what has happened. The report says that I am pregnant'!
2006-10-26 04:53:58 · answer #2 · answered by Hobby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A Old Rabbi was retiring so the New Rabbi that was going to take his place wanted to do something spacial for him. He took the jar full of skins, that the Old Rabbi kept since he started doing circumcisions, to the Tanner. The New Rabbi says to the Tanner "Make these into something special for my predecessor." The Tanner said that he knew just what to do and to come back in a week. A week goes by and the New Rabbi stops by the shop and the Tanner handed him a wallet. The New Rabbi was very upset by this and said "I told you to make something special not common!", "Oh but it IS special", said the Tanner and he took the wallet, started rubbing it, and the wallet turned into a suitcase.
2006-10-26 04:40:54 · answer #3 · answered by IceyFlame 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I asked a friend once:
the bus is stuck in traffic, your tummy suddenly went rumbling and u really need to go to the loo, the driver wont let any passenger get off til they reach the next bus stop. What would you do?
He replied: "Coz I can't hold it any longer I'll just s**t on my pants!"
laughing, i replied: "Idiot! Just run to the nearest loo! I didn't say you were in the bus did I?*
2006-10-26 05:11:06 · answer #4 · answered by -j4n3- 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the difference between an elephant and a digestive
biscuit??
Ever tried dipping an elephant in your tea ...
2006-10-26 05:15:23 · answer #5 · answered by da 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't remember jokes.
2006-10-26 16:56:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a man walked into a bar
OUCH!!!
i asked the same question once and got some great answers. Here is the link.
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtCJiifnu1u6cWvaIE8WgjcgBgx.?qid=20060928125621AAMXP73
2006-10-26 04:37:34 · answer #7 · answered by HEY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a man walks in2 a bar wiv a sheep unda is arm,da barman goes were u get him?sheep goes i won him in a raffle!!!lol
2006-10-26 04:38:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whats the best way to pull a fat bird?
Piece of Cake!!
2006-10-26 04:34:15 · answer #9 · answered by Tugboat 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The Hippy and the Nun
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A hippy gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun.
He sits down next to her, and asks her: Can we have sex ?"
No," she replies,
"I'm married to God."
She then stands up, and gets off at the next stop.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippy and says "I can tell you how to have sex with her !"
Yeah?", says the hippy.
Yeah", says the bus driver. "
She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray.
So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God"
The hippy decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.
"I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face, "I have ordained it. You must have sex with me."
The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.
God agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her.
As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha!," he cries. "I am the hippy!"
"Ha-ha!," cries the nun. "I'm the bus driver."
2006-10-26 04:40:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋