Why is she acting like this?

Question

I told my fiance's two sisters that it wasen't working out with them living with us. I told them nicely, too and that I still like them and everything. An hour later their mom called my fiance ( I was at work) and was mad and wanted the wedding ring back that she gave me. She said that she only gave it to me because I accepted his sisters and that she'd give it to someone else who'd appreciate their family. Isn't this reaction kind of extreme? Alll I said was that I needed my space, I didn't call them names or anything! No one asked if they could move into our house in the first place. They just decided to never leave. What a mess...Why are they so mad? A few days ago my fiance told his mom that one of them had to leave because she stole from us, etc. Why didn't his mom scream and say we didn't appreciate them then? Is she looking for a reason not to like me?

Answer 1

His sisters could've ran back to Mom and blamed everything on you. They probably think that the only reason HE wants them out is because YOU brainwashed him into thinking they stole something. It must be all your fault!! (Ha-Ha!)
Trust me, I know!
My fiance doesn't hang around his family that much anymore because they gossip and badmouth all the time, but his family claims that I'm the one who must be keeping him away from them!
I must've BRAINWASHED him, and I'm currently using mind control to keep him near me at all times!! Yeah Right!! Ha-Ha!
They probably feel like he's siding with you. That's why they're mad, because they feel like you're stealing him away from his family....

Answer 2

You are not responsible for your fiances two sisters, and no one should expect you to have to have them live with you. I take it they are adults. You did the right thing. It is hard to live with family members(Ive done that on both sides of the family). Once when I moved to Florida, and the other when I moved to Massachusett. Even with the best circumstances it should only be temporary. You and your fiance do need your space especially if you want to make your relationship or marriage work. As for your future mother in-law asking for the ring back, she was wrong. She should have given it to you out of love and it should not of come with conditions. You are better off giving it back, or she will always hold it over your head. If you cant afford a ring even a small ring will do. You can always replace it later. If a diamond is too expensive you can always use something else. It is not the ring or the ceremony that count, it is your dedication to each other. I had a small wedding with a small diamond and my marriage has outlasted many of my friends whom had larger cermonies and rings. I also think you are better off setting your future mother in law in her place. She will respect you for it later. Although for now she will be mad. Mothers want to control their children and it is not right. I should say some mothers. Good luck.

Answer 3

Your problem is much bigger than these nervy sisters of your fiance. His mother has him by the ears and he will not defend you if it means alienating his mother. Also, the two of you did not communicate over this mooching situation. You told them they both had to leave. He told his mother that one had to leave due to theft. They just "never left," a situation that could have been easily handled by your fiancee but he was too intimidated to make a decision so time passed and now they think they have a residence and they blame you. This is an example of the kind of denial thinking their mother instilled in them - and undoubtedly in your fiance. And you let this matter go on and on until it explodes.
You can't seriously consider marrying into this family knowing what you know. You are looking at a template for the rest of your life if you marry or continue to live with this man.

Answer 4

I think you have every right to decide who stays in your home or not. But first how did your fiance take it? if both of you would come to a proper agreement on who stays and goes in your house then that would be very good. I think both of you should discuss on this first so each knows where the other stands on matters. As for your mother - in - law give her the respect she deserves but dont let her control your home that's why you both need to come to a specific agreement so it wont be only one person being the 'bad guy' to the others.

Answer 5

So his mother expects you to be okay with his two sisters living with you for how long? I dont blame you for wanting some space. Sounds like his mother is very protective of her children. I think you should have a long talk with your fiance about his mother. Once you are married, you need to be sure that he is going to stand up for you when it comes to his mother.

Answer 6

Let the fiance take care of this. If by some chance you lose the ring, then you'll know what to expect in the future. Sounds like she's dumping her kids, do they get put on your income tax this year?Let them fight over this, you keep the ring, or leave him and his DRAMA moma.....good luck.(get your space no matter what)

Answer 7

It sounds like she may be trying not to like you and this is going to be her excuse. You should stick to your guns. It sounds like your fiance agrees with you, so as long as he is good, it doesn't matter what she thinks. If it is your house then you have the right to make the decision. Why aren't they living with her?? Send them right on back to mommy where they should be in the first place if they can't take of themselves. It is not your job to take care of them. Good luck and stay strong.

Answer 8

WHEN YOU GET MARRIED YOU NEED YOUR OWN SPACE. TELL THEM THAT. TALK TO YOUR F AND EXPLAIN THAT YOU ARE ALL FAMILY BUT YOU WANT PRIVACY TO EXPLORE EACH OTHER, MAYBE A QUICKY IN THE LIVING ROOM ONE AFTERNOON, OR MAKE A HOME OFFICE, BUT I THINK THE QUICKIE WOULD APPEAL TO HIM BETTER. TELL HIM YOU WANT IT TO BE A JOINT EFFORT AND DECISION, AND SEE HOW HE FEELS. FOR YOUR MOTHER INLAW, OFFER THE RING BACK AND APPOLIGISE FOR YOUR MISTAKING IT WAS A GIFT FOR YOU BECOMING A PART OF THERE FAMILY. LET HER KNOW THAT THE RING IS IMPORTANT, BUT YOU ARE STILL GETTING MARRIED AND ONE DAY YOU CAN JUST GET ANOTHER ONE. THANK HER GRACIOUSLY KILLING HER WITH KINDNESS MIGHT PUT THE GUILT TRIP ON HER LOL.

Answer 9

MIL's are tough, they always have been and always will be-you are stuck with her if you want to be married, you have to figure out a way to just deal with her. She cannot make you do anything. If she wants the ring-either let your husband hash it out with her or hand it over-DO NOT FIGHT with her yourself-you will never win and husbands are SOOOO loyal to mommies, it will never work in your benefit. It is only a ring-let her be childish, and gain back your home and space!!!

Answer 10

Find out your fiance's reaction to this. If he feels helpless in settling the issue & if this is going to continue in the future as well, then analyse for yourself what is your tolerance level and how far you can go on like this.