My highschool sweetheart found me after 13 years, but there's a problem.?

Question

My highschool sweetheart finally found me after 13 years. He wrote a letter to me and sent it to my parents home, revealing to me that he still loved me. The thing is, he is in prison. He's only there for a year, for counterfeit money production. I was curious and decided to write back, and now I think I'm falling for him all over again. And before you answer, realize that I know I should run for the hills and not look back. But the more we talk, the more I realize that he loves me and he needs some type of structure in his life, whether it's as a friend or girlfriend. I'm not one of these naive women desperate to get a boyfriend or husband. I guess what I need to know is what's the best course of action when it comes to building a relationship with a man who clearly made this one mistake in life. Should I pursue it or should I just be there for him as a friend?

Answer 1

Super Yikes! I know from my ex bf being in jail that they have nothing but time on their hands to remember all kinds of mistakes they have made and are going to make them right. So he remembered you. Some find prison religion some find ex bf's or gf's or whatever. Every promise my ex made in his letters to me he kept for about 2 months then it went all bad again. Don't fall for it. Here is something to think about. Why did he not contact you before? You do not know him anymore. You know how he use to be. He is desperately lonely and he is hoping you'll fall for his crap and you did. He probably just needs someone to take him in when he gets out of prison and you're that sucker he is going to use. He has probably had everyone else in his life turn away from him because he has done more things bad than what he is in prison for. PAY ATTENTION NOW. Check out his past. Find out about him from family friends and where he worked. Check him out on every Internet site that post criminal records. FIND OUT ABOUT WHAT HE REALLY IS BEFORE YOU GET HURT REALLY BAD. I know you want this to work but it wont. Check out his past please.

Answer 2

He made a mistake. I would give him a chance. I mean, its not like he killed someone! The only people who got harmed in his crime is the government and himself. True, he will have a hard time getting a job when he gets out and having a felony will make things more difficult but it's not impossible. My husband is a felon for the exact same crime and he found a great job at a small company and makes really good money. It can happen. When it does he just has to be completely responsible and always go the extra mile to keep his job and make sure there's no reason for anyone to look at him cross-eyed. And as far as the relationship goes, his criminal history doesn't make him a liability in love. Hopefully he'll come out of there more determined than ever to be a productive member of society.

Answer 3

Absolutely if you still have feelings for this man, then help him anyway you can, and if something stronger than friendship develops in the future then so be it. Each of us that are answering on this forum have all broken the law at some point in our lives {from a minor to a major infraction} we are the fortunate ones that didn't get caught.

I normally just spend time goofing off on this site but I wanted to honestly answer your question.....15 years ago I was where you are.
Trying to help an old high school sweetheart and I let people talk me into staying away from him due to the fact that he'd have a record, and never have a really great career,
blah....blah...blah....etc. He committed suicide in 1993 and that was one of my life's lessons to learn, I have live everyday with regret knowing all I had to do was be his friend {instead of letting people influence my thinking} and the final outcome would have been far different.

Answer 4

1st things 1st, you got a standard jail letter, he has nothing to do but write dumb letters, DO NOT RESPOND, if you could find you while in jail than what in the f**k happen in the 13 years???????????

All jail birds write these letter and make those expensive phone calls, run you bill up ask you for money, trust,, you are not the only one he is writing to..it is not you place to try and change someone who as been doing ther wrong thing for sometime he just got caught. Do you want to invole you parents in this type of life? Don't you think you deserve better? or do you like going back and forth to jail and dealing with someone that might have a hard time getting a good job.. DO YOU DESERVE BETTER?

Answer 5

Neither. Unfortunately you can't change him. You felt sorry for him and that is not good. Your remembering the idea of the good him. He is not that person you liked in high school. You can't be the person to give him structure, he has to change himself IF he really wants to change. Why exactly did he send you a letter while he was in prison and not before?? He might be thinking of who to use for his next scam. These men don't change but your world would change if you started hanging around him. Do the right thing and write back and say don't write me again and throw his letter away. There isn't always good in people. You a romantic and think everyone deserves a chance but not always is that true. Be kind to yourself stay away from him and find a good guy that you don't have to screened to visit. Good Luck

Answer 6

Let me tell you something baby girl, and this is from experience. When men go to prison they will say or do anything to get that support system going. has he asked you for money yet? Huh if he hasn't he will. Also he'll need somewhere to stay when he gets out. They have nothing but time on their hands. Time to conjure up the most romantic poems and letters.

Isn't it ironic that he realizes he loves you now that he is in prison, why didn't he love you 10 years ago - did your parents have the same address 12 years ago or while he was spending that money that he stole.

Wisen up girl - be a pen pal and that's it.

As soon as he gets out he'll be screwing everything walking and you'll end up with a broken heart, trust me please!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

Be there as a friend...obviously there has been a lot that has transpired since you've seen him last (a felony is one thing that comes to mind). I would have to assume that in prison, it gets lonely and therefore he has reached back to find you again...someone he can trust.

However, I would not let this "blossom" into much more. It is possible that his prison letters may be "extra sweet" for a reason. Remember, he is a felon. Someone who was breaking the trust of society (by printing fake money)...who's to say how trustworthy he can be (especially sitting in prison).

While I believe that there is a strong possibility that he has reformed. Is that a risk you personally want to take. I know I wouldn't. Be careful.

Answer 8

I don't know how long he's been in jail...sounds like less then a year. But...I am guessing when you are in jail for that period of time...all you have time for is to think, think about your life and the past. I am sure he is lonely and he probably does love you, but....he's in jail and has thought about his lifestyle and the things he's done. Maybe this is his way of reassuring himself is to be with someone he once was in love with for better structure in his life. The question you need to ask yourself as well as him...why 13 years???? If you are still in love with someone, you shouldn't wait so long to tell them, unless he's in the situation he's in now.
I would leave it alone for real. I've had too many friend in situations like you. He is lonely and needs someone to talk to and to feel loved again. Men have emotions too, but this one needs to find someone in jail to comfort him.

Answer 9

Either way you are letting him back in so my advice is to not talk romance with him even though he will talk it to you.He may be an old friend but he did wait until jail to contact you.I think you should not be there for him and that being his friend doesn't mean doing things for him or sending him money.This just doesn't feel right.You say you're not one of those women who are desperate well those women don't think they are either so you really haven't said anything too tough.I'd say just write,no visits,no money.If he truly loves you he will love you when he gets out and be willing to make a good life with out your help.Don't get caught up and believe that he needs your help.Your help didn't put him there and a real man will dig himself out of that hole with out dragging you in with him.

Answer 10

Don't make it complicated for yourself. Be there for him as a friend. At a later stage it can serve as a solid base for romance and true commitment. Take the road as it is presented to you and be sure to listen to your inner-feelings. The less expectations and feelings of insecurity you have the better chance you both have.

You are not desperate to have a husband or boyfriend and it sounds like you have already forgiven him. You seem very wise in your judgement so I give you fair chances of working this through in a good way.