ull know when he is the right one it may take time but u find him one day good luck
2006-10-26 02:37:16
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answer #1
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answered by im that guy 2
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No, you don't marry the first decent guy that comes around. Not because you should keep waiting for something better, but because there has to be more to him than being decent.
I guess it depends on how you define "decent." Decent to me means that he's independent and self-sufficient, has a mind of his own, respects himself and respects me. But you could be talking about your best male friend or your dog. Do you feel connected? Do you feel attraction? Do you trust him? Is he important enough to you were you look at your self and want to be a better person because he brings out the best in you? Does he love the person that you are?
Also, just because you've met him doesn't mean that you're ready to marry him. Do you know him well enough to make a lifelong commitment? How have you defined being ready to marry? For me, it meant being self-aware and self-sufficient. It breaks my heart to see people marry, thinking that marriage will solve other issues in their lives (loneliness, self-esteem, etc.) When you talk about security, think about being secure with yourself first.
There isn't any real way one can gage when the timing is right, even if a decent guy is in the picture. It's something you'll just know. It won't strike you like lightening, you'll just say to yourself, "You know? He's the one. Cool."
2006-10-26 02:53:31
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answer #2
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answered by Le_Roche 6
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Don't trust anyone when they say "You'll know when they come along." Many women marry the first decent guy that comes along and regret it. And they regret for reasons like, “I want to experiment, I want variety, I want excitement.” Many men do as well, and it’s greedy and solipsistic.
The unfortunate truth is that our entire society is predicated on greed: you're advertised at most of your waking day. And you work for guess what? To buy the things advertised at you.
Our society is anti-monogamy and anti-religion. The downfall of religion (and therefore marriage) has come at the hands of capitalism which encourages individualism and not the collectivism preached by all religions. People often think they deserve to put their feelings and emotions above their families’ wellbeing engaging in affairs and arguing because of their irrational egos. Well, do they? Do they deserve to put their kids through emotional hell because they have a desire they have never been taught to ignore?
The sad fact is at some point you're going to think you deserve more. And I blame the culture and society all around you. People used to stay together in the past because society was different, more sober, and religion had more of a grip on people’s lives. Remember – religion, despite all the bloodshed associated with people who took it too far, encourages collectivism, to look out for your fellow man. It also encourages discipline. Do you think some fat American would be able to fast for a day? Do you think those same people can say no when they want someone outside of their relationship?
I don’t want to sound like I’m religious because I’m not, but I don’t understand why other people can’t see the positives religion has brought.
2006-10-26 03:03:17
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answer #3
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answered by Stomach 2
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okay, I personally think this is an awesome question. a few thoughts:
if you're just not ready to make the determined committment to get married and stay married, then don't date. why play around and hurt your heart and others' hearts? it actually damages your ability to make lasting committments later. so yes, it is best to do things when you are ready. hopefully he will be ready also, and not just wasting your time.
don't marry a guy merely because he is a decent guy...but only date decent guys, and then when you fall in love you won't pick a jerk. Set your standards high...and look for the guy who is at least 80% perfect for you. (Nobody will ever really be 100%) and look outside the "tall, dark & handsome" box...in the grand scheme of things, how much value, really, are the wrappings? it's what's INSIDE that counts. go ahead and make yourself a check-off list of qualities and conditions that are of real and lasting importance. you obviously have a great brain and you should use it. Emotions are not a great way to make lifelong decisions...we don't pick our children, but grow love for the ones we get, hmmm? So, set yourself up to pick a winner, and THEN let the emotions come into play.
best wishes,
cryllie
2006-10-26 02:45:59
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answer #4
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answered by cryllie 6
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marrying "the first decent guy that comes along" even though you're not ready for marriage is exactly why marriages are falling apart these days. Not only should you be madly in love, you also have to be ready. They go hand in hand.
And I don't think marriages today are any better than they were 50 years ago. It's just that today, we put all of our problems on the table and we don't care what people think if we have no choice but to walk away from the situation.
2006-10-26 02:39:19
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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No. I think you need to have more of a reason to get married than just to the first decent guy who comes along. You said you've never dated a decent guy before....sounds like maybe you go for the wrong kind of guys. Think about what you want out of life first, then when you meet the right person who shares your goals and feelings, you'll know if he's the right one.Before you get married you need to not only love the person but like being with him, trust him and be willing to commit yourself fully to the relationship. Marriage is great but it takes work. compatibility and compromise for it to last.
2006-10-26 02:44:48
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answer #6
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answered by vanhammer 7
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.......and I stress that because that is exactly what I did...after years and years of dating losers and wanna be men I thought, key word here thought that I had found a decent man who would love me for me and not put me through hell...I was wrong...I think that marrying the first decent guy you come across is the worst idea there is...you have to feel something deep inside that you've never felt before and that is how you know that the person you are with is the one...look at how he treats his family...mainly the females in his family and how he treats his friends and co-workers that can tell u a lot in and of itself......FYI I recently found the man of my dreams and while we did date a little in high school this man turned out to be nothing like I thought that he was...actually I would never have pegged him as a decent guy...until I got to know him and realized that he is the most amazing man on earth...he treats not only me but everyone he comes in contact with, with the utmost respect and that speaks volumes about his character....plain and simple u will know when you find the right one NEVER settle for less than fireworks, and butterflies!!!!!!!!!!!!Hope this helps!
2006-10-26 02:43:22
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answer #7
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answered by euchre_princess_23 1
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How about not worry about marriage until you are ready ( career, traveling, etc is all out of the way ). Don't get married unless you are ready. Plain and simple. If you find a decent guy, why would you throw him aside? That doesn't make any sense.
2006-10-26 02:39:23
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answer #8
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answered by three6ty 4
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You would know when you are ready to get married and if the guy is will ing to do anything for you. Being with someone isnt just to be decent. It is whether yall are friends and trust each other. I think that you have alot more to learn about relationships before you should be thinking about marriage. Stop trying to rush into everything.
2006-10-26 03:06:35
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answer #9
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answered by homie_j 2
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This is just part of the pace change in life. Time affects almost everything. Human principles, Life pace, Cultures, and even line of thinking. Nowadays, it really is a different kind of world for us Earthlings.
You should think first before laying any measures. This is to prevent too much regrets in the end. No matter how decent a person may presently be, time is just here to change him in almost all aspects.
So, if you don't want to have any regrets in the end, use your head and think it over for I guess a hundred times first. For there is this fact that you will start to need that person to be with you for the rest of your life once you fall in love with him (and constantly love him).
2006-10-26 02:42:14
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answer #10
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answered by Grifter Heavenspike 2
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I do understand your problem. Any one abused by the family will live with it forever and very hard to forgive. But one thing is true, it can be worked out. I kindly ask you to be strong enough and forgive your parents for what they have done and restart the relationship in a new format. You might not need them on your wedding day but your children needs grand parents from your side. Arrange counseling for the family discussion and give it a try. How long can you live with this pain? This moment can be a turning point in your life. Give it a try before the marriage and you will get what you need ever after. Do it. Wish you the strength and all the best.
2016-05-21 22:03:31
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answer #11
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answered by Anonymous
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