My friend had an affair with a married man. When his wife found out she kicked him out and divorced him. Now my friend is moving in with this guy. This has all happened since January! He has kids so he is in contact with his ex on a regular basis. What do I say to her to make her realize this relationship is not healthy? Maybe I am wrong - do you think its healthy? I believe she should wait for this guy to deal with his issues from his failed marriage first. What do you think?
2006-10-26 01:34:49 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
As far as whether or not it's a healthy relationship is partially based on why he had the affair in the first place...was his marriage actually "over" before he cheated, or is he just a dog and likely to cheat again. The fact that he has children and will be in contact with the x doesn't necessarily make your friends relationship unhealthy, unless the x starts coming back into the picture of course.
I realize that you want to help your friend make the right choices, but apparently she's not worried about it if she chose to take part in an affair with a married man.
Be there for her if she needs you-be a friend, other than that-stay out of it. It's messy enough with those that HAVE to be involved.
She felt she was wise enough to make her own bed and now she has to lie in it....even if it's with someone you don't agree with.
2006-10-26 01:44:18 · answer #1 · answered by secret_oktober_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly this kind of relationship is and will never be healthy. first your friend should know she is dealing with a very dangerous man if he had the odosity of having an affair while married, what will keep him from not getting another girl when he is fed up with your friend it seems to me this man is not good at what is called commitment and trust together with faithfulness for he has violated all those so what will make it different even after having your friend all to himself and not forgetting that he has not even dealt with his broken marriage. tell your friend that she should move out before its too late since if she waits till she gets her own children she will be in a mess. She should never think that she has something so special than the mother of this man's children, because one time also the man loved the wife to an extend of marrying herand having children together but if she insists on staying let her do so for some people learn after the mistake or crisis has happened.
2006-10-26 08:52:47 · answer #2 · answered by pretoria_fish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try talking to her and being honest. This relationship has already started on the wrong note. All you can do as a friend is be honest and then step off. Let her know that although you don't agree with her decision to move in with this guy, you're still her friend and you'll always be there no matter what......she might need a shoulder to cry on very soon, so don't push her too far away.
2006-10-26 08:41:19 · answer #3 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that your friend knew he was married,when they started this affair.As long as they are friends and feel love for one another at this point in there relationship and he is now divorced then why shouldn't they get together,and give this relationship a chance.If he can stay in contact with his ex in order to see his kids,then that too will make this easier on them both (your friend and boyfriend) in the future.I say give her your support and wish her well.Perhaps all will be fine...only time will tell..and good luck..
2006-10-26 08:56:22 · answer #4 · answered by canadian born 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can try - but the odds are way against your friend listening to anything you have to say. Worst case scenario: your friend gets angry with YOU.
But if you don't try, you'll kick yourself, so I'd say you should, even though the chances that she'll come out of her infatuation long enough to listen are slim.
As to what you ought to tell her, well, what you wrote here is a good start - the facts really speak for themselves.
Unfortunately, emotions usually trump reason.
2006-10-26 08:41:12 · answer #5 · answered by johnslat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey dont ever judge anyone every one deserves a chance,,, only because they met that way it does not mean that they are not going to make things work,, I know this couple the guy had 4 kids and the girl had 1 kid they are together after 23 years of marrage,,,, dont let that fool you,,, if you are a true friend then you will be there for her,,, be happy for her and be there for her so when ever she falls down you be there to help her get up,,,
2006-10-26 08:39:40 · answer #6 · answered by Airforcepink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO OFFENSE BUT YOUR FRIEND IS BEING EXTREMELY STUPID AND NAIVE. NO YOU ARE NOT WRONG IN THE END SHE WILL BE HURT BADLY. SHE WAS THE SIDE SALAD NOT THE MAIN COURSE. THE ONLY REASON HE GOT A DIVORCE IS BECAUSE HE WAS KICKED AND HIS WIFE FOUND OUT NOT B/C HE WANTED YOUR FRIEND. SHE SHOULD THINK ABOUT THAT. HE DOESN'T TAKE HER SERIOUSLY AND SHE IS THERE JUST FOR ***!
2006-10-26 08:39:57 · answer #7 · answered by ponypuffgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater always a cheater. He is just going to do what he did to his wife to her eventually. She needs to get out before it is to late and she ends up getting hurt. Men who have affairs on there wife are more likely to be unfaithful to their next partner.
2006-10-26 08:38:43 · answer #8 · answered by Leah * 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he cheated on his wife, what makes your friend think he won't do the same to her? You are a good friend to be concerned, but your friend isn't going to listen to you. So, best thing you can do for her, is to let her do her thing, and be there to pick up the pieces,
2006-10-26 08:41:49 · answer #9 · answered by angeleyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you say anything she might stop being your friend. Just be there for her when she needs you. She is the only one who can see if it's bad or not. Maybe it will work out. Just be her friend, not her parent saying she is making a big mistake.
2006-10-26 08:38:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋