I want to have a really big wedding ceremony. The church I have is huge. I want everyone I know to be there. However, I want to have a smaller reception. Is this rude to invite people to the wedding, but not the reception? (evening wedding -- 6:30pm) If not, how do I word the invitation, so that they know they are not invited to the reception?
2006-10-26 01:13:49 · 41 answers · asked by LondonNubie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I don't want gifts. I just want all the people I know to share in this day with me. Like my whole church thinks they should be allowed to attend (all 180 of them) and I want to invite them, but I can't afford for them to come to the wedding. I am really not in it for the gifts. I just do want any hurt feelings.
2006-10-26 01:21:49 · update #1
Honestly, I have never heard of this. I have heard of invited to the reception and not the ceremony, but not reverse. (and that was because of the size of the church)
Like someone else pointed out, people WILL talk. "hey George when you are going to the reception", "Um...what reception?" It will cause more then hurt feelings. You will have people showing up for the reception that were not invited....your caterer will not be ready for that many people and it will end up costing you anyways.
There is also the out of town factor. If you have guests coming from out of town, thats just rude to say you can come but not the other after they paid a lot of money to come. We had that for my wedding...most of my relatives are from min. 6 hours away. We had a small wedding at my SIL where there wasnt room for more than the 25 we had. And I was NOT going to have my relatives waiting at the hotel until I deemed they could see me. Nope, just tacky and rude.
I think you have to start doing the cutbacks that every bride hates to do...the guestlist. Either than or really examine why people can see you walk down an aisle, but not see you dance with your true love.
2006-10-26 06:59:31 · answer #1 · answered by Cariad 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you personally know these people, they may get real offended. Even though as friends we should understand that times are hard today, and not all can be invited to a reception.
Maybe it would be best if you did not invite them to the wedding either. If that does not work. My friend did this, she had her wedding for everyone, and had a reception for only her immediate family, and close friends at a hotel. Then the following weekend, she had a reception party that everyone could go to, at a friends back yard. It was simple and still nice. She made her own decorations and even made party favors to give out. They had dancing and it was finger foods. Many came to it, and were happy to be invited. The best thing to do is explain personally to each person why you want a simple reception. And if they are mature enough, they will handle it. If not, we can't please everyone, it is just to hard. They will in time get over it. You can put on the invitation, which of the receptions they are invited to.
2006-10-26 02:51:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will cause a lot of hurt feelings by not including the people in the reception.....they will feel like they were goood enough to see you get married but not good enough to be invited in sharing the rest of your day with you. I vote a big NO on putting anything that would imply you only want certain people at the reception, money is not the issue here, and you make it sould like you want everyone to see you get married then... SEE YA ! Have a small what you can afford wedding and if the people that were not included hear that you are getting married and they want to stop in one their own, fine, don't expect someone to get dressed up for an hour or so then get blown off, it's up to the person whether or not they chose to attend the reception afterwards. Think very carefully on this or you may lose a lot of friends. If you cannot choose between who to invite and who not too, then just have your immediate family attend, and send out a nice announcement afterwards stating that "You & Grooms Name, were married and just wanted to Share Your Happiness with them", please NO gift's are expected! Good luck to you .
2006-10-26 03:35:26 · answer #3 · answered by MiMi 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If I got an invitation to a wedding, but not to the reception too, I wouldn't go! The reception is where you get to visit with your friends, not at the wedding. Why does your whole church expect to be invited? And why do you want to invite everyone you know? Are all of these people really close friends? I think you are very wrong.
So, yes, it would be extremely rude to not invite them to both. If you don't, people will be very offended.
If you can't afford the food at a big reception, then cut down on the food. Don't cut down on your friends.
2006-10-26 01:48:12 · answer #4 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have never heard of someone wanting a big wedding and a small reception. Thats really weird. I don't think you should do it that way. The reception is the way your guests celebrate with you. It would not be fair to only get invited to the wedding, because that's not the fun part of the day. If I was only invited to the wedding and not the reception, I would think that you didn't really like me!
2006-10-26 05:18:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand....But I do think that some people will be offended. Why don't you arrange it so that you can spend at least 1 hour with the people at the wedding after the ceremony. Like a after ceremony tea or something. Then go from there to the reception. That way they don't feel so left out.
As for the invitations I think that if you get the word out to some of the guests that you really can't afford to feed all those people, then it might not be so bad. Or even word them so it sounds like this....
"As much as we would like everyone to attend, We will be having a very small Quaint reception for immediate family only. We appreciate all the support from everyone who will join us in the celebration of our wedding ceremony"
Good Luck!
2006-10-26 05:09:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately, it is considered very, very rude to invite people to the wedding but not the reception.
A coworker of mine had this exact same problem. Here's how she solved it. Her rehearsal dinner was a nice sit down dinner, and she invited the people who are close them, even if they aren't needed for the rehearsal. This dinner was pretty much what a small, intimate reception would have been like.
For the ceremony, she invited EVERYONE. She didn't even include reply cards, because it didn't matter how many people came. Then she rented the church parish hall (the basement of the church). She brought in tons of cake and had a cake & champaign reception for all of those people. There was a small dance floor, and they had the important dances. People mingled and boogied for about an hour or two, and then the after-ceremony celebration was over.
2006-10-26 03:26:40 · answer #7 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, this is my suggestion. After the wedding, have the cake and punch only and make it quick, at the church, in the reception hall or something similar. Just something quick. When you send the invitations (to everyone) include something on the invitation inviting them to have cake and punch immediately following the ceremony. Your pastor can direct them where to go. Then you can have the smaller reception with your exclusive friends after that. You do not need to let everyone know there is another reception, you would simply put a seperate, smaller invitation to the real reception in those exclusive person's invitation. If you want a traditional reception, I would simply skip the cake and punch at the church, and say nothing to those who are not invited to the exclusive reception but still insert that additional invitation with the invitation to the ceremony. If you want something that seems less rude, so that you are at least able to thank everyone and see everyone who attended, consider having a reception line after the ceremony to thank guests on their way out. That way they dont feel cheated for attending the ceremony and you just ran away. You would be able to have everyone throw the rice at the church, that way also.
2006-10-26 02:49:55 · answer #8 · answered by rdnkchic2003 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Wow your really in a bad spot!!! There is no way to make that happen with out hurting ppl feelings. I have never heard of being invited to the wedding and not the reception..
If you choice to do this then I would suggest making a note on the invitations that a small family gathering will follow the service. Be sure to send thank you cards to all your guest an be willing to explain urself cuz you will be asked WHY???? Best wishes.
2006-10-26 02:15:28 · answer #9 · answered by Kim 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes after the ceremony people expect to go to the reception as well. Usually its the other way around people arent invited to the ceremony but they are invited to the reception. Do you really want to do that? It does sound rude. There is no nice way to word that people are invited to the ceremony but not th reception. Why not have a large reception as well? If cost is an problem maybe you should consider having a buffet or something.
2006-10-26 01:25:29 · answer #10 · answered by . 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋