Hi,I'm 22 and have a really close family, my mum passed away when i was 13, and since then we have always been close.
But i'm consatntly been told by friends,my bf and even my work mates that i being taken 4 a mug and they treat me like dirt. 4 instance i have moved closer to my Sister so i can help her out as she is disabled and has two girls, with meant i had 2 move out of my brothers house,, i moved out in June and they are still saying i owe them money for bill etc even though i gave them bill money in June then july and sept. on friday night i went out with my family and bf, only 2 be told in the morning that my Sister texted my bf from across the pub 2 tell him he looked very sexy and even included some kisses in the text.This is the person that i'm going 2 see 4 times a week to help her out for nothing and she does a thing like like. I'm keeping a lot of this locked away but i know that soon i'm going to explode.. I feel so small, why are they being like this, why!!!!
2006-10-26 00:57:57 · 20 answers · asked by rachael s 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hi there,
I can sympathise with you, I have had lots of challenges with my family, different to yours but still hard to manage. Ive been through some therapy and received some good advice about dealing with people that are harmful for your self esteem or just somehow have a negative impact on you. I was always frustrated that I couldnt change them and used to get so angry. The therapist helped me to see that I cant change their behaviour but I can change how I react to their behaviour. So set some boundaries about what you will put up with and what you wont, when faced with a situation that is hurtful to you remove yourself from their company for that time, put up your hand and say no Im not going to be involved in this sort of behaviour. Distance yourself from the negative behaviour and try and involved yourself in the times you can get the best of your family instead of their worst.
I dont know if this will help but just wanted to try. When you feel about to explode spend some time with people who are positive influences in your life, I find that helps me.
take care
2006-10-26 01:05:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just because they are your family doesn't mean that they are nice people. Or that they will be nice to you. You do need to stand up for yourself...pick your battles carefully. Don't go nuts over stupid things that are supposed to upset you and are petty.
I hope you gave your brother checks not cash, so you can show him how much you have given him already to end the conversation about bill money....do it quietly and as professionally as possible...if you don't have proof (like a receipt or canceled check) find out how much he wants and to end it as long as it isn't a stupid amount I would pay it, get a receipt, and end it. Money is a nasty way to break up a family. chalk this one up as a lesson and let it go. Just make sure you document any other agreements in writing with receipts etc in the future.
As far as the text message...tell your boyfriend to delete it and ignore it. She knew he would show you so she did it to upset you for whatever reason...as mad as it would make me sometimes the best action is no action at all. It has to be hard for her to have you ready and able to help her do things that I am sure she wants to do herself and can't. Remember being disabled effects more than then body...sometimes the spirit is hurt too...
Best of luck and wishes...
2006-10-26 01:11:38 · answer #2 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You already know your answer. Stand up and be counted. It may cause a split in the family for a time. Once they know that you have a back bone and that you refuse to be used and treated the way you have been, they will see and treat you differently. Don't ever do things for people just so they will like you. You have needs as well and help should be a two way street. You deserve appreciation for your efforts. If they refuse to recognize this, then its time to make them take notice.
2006-10-26 01:03:21 · answer #3 · answered by Letsee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand your dilemma! I am in a sort similar position and its so hard because I love my family unconditionally but I know that I do the lions share of worrying, helping emotionally and financially. I am one of 6 children (2 older, 3 younger), my mum is divorced and has rheumatoid arthritis and I tend to play the other parent in looking after everyone.
If your like me, you find it difficult to talk to people because you dont want them to think any less of your family but you need to get things off your chest. I dont know the answer to this but try to stay true to yourself and live your own life.
As far as your sister/bf problem (I am assuming that you saw the message and this isn't your bf trying to cause trouble), there is no excuse for that and if she is going to interfere with your life and try to cause you problems then she really doesn't deserve your help and you should back off from her. It could be that she really relies on you to the point where she wants to get rid of any other person that may take some of your attention and that it unacceptable.
You only live once. Make sure you look after yourself first and foremost and DONT feel guilty for that.
I really hope it works out for you. Good Luck.
2006-10-26 01:19:26 · answer #4 · answered by loz 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry luv, but i think you are definitely being taken for a mug. What these people are doing to you is nothing short of harassment. Your so called sister should know better. Can i take it that out of your siblings, you earn more money than them? I only ask because it seems like a case of jealousy on their part. You all lost a mother when she passed away, and it just seems that they are taking it out on you for trying to carry on with your life. Have it out with them and make it clear that you are nobody's fool and you won't be a crutch for anybody. Good luck
2006-10-26 01:14:59 · answer #5 · answered by slinky 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a tough one because it's your family and people who you love and that's why it hurts so much.
Don't forget that they treat you like they do because they know that there is nothing you will do, I'm in exactly same boat with my bf. Be strong, you don't have to go to the extreme but make sure that they know that you've got feelings too and that you won't be taken for granted. It won't happen overnight, but be consistent and make them understand that you're won't be a walkover in the future. Good luck.
2006-10-26 01:05:15 · answer #6 · answered by little_friend 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would number one stop feeling sorry for your sister.She chose to have children now she must take care of them if she worried as much about her children like she did your bf she would do better as a mom. I see you to be a good and trusting person but if someone including family is brining you down and she is coming on to your bf I would stop seeing her so much it is wonderful you want to help but when it comes down to your well being don't you think it's time to take some time out for you n your bf only.Spending the time you do there also takes you away from your bf .There r ways you could still b there for your nieces and not look like your being spiteful (which your not your just looking out for yourself).I would also talk to her find out where she's at.If she is in love with your partner then you have a bit of a problem you have to keep her away from him or she keep on falling for him the less she see's the better.When it comes to her kids you can always take them out to the park or for a bite to eat for a walk etc....that i would think would b a big help.I hope things work out better for you just don't keep it in talk to her she is your family and you don't want to loose her but you don't want to loose your bf either good luck.
2006-10-26 01:49:26 · answer #7 · answered by too4barbie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Set your boundreies, and don't let them pull this crap on you. You are a person who deserves repect, period. And what your sister did is not respectful. Stand up for yourself. Do you have proof that you paid the bill money? It's just money and if you can scrape it together I'd just send a little more their way and have them sign that it was paid, so they can't pull that trick agian. Money is the root of too many problems, if you ask me. If you're angry and you feel you have a valid reason then you just need to suck it up and let them all have it.
2006-10-26 02:17:21 · answer #8 · answered by puzzleraspie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie, I know that at this time in your young life, stepping stones if you will may be at all what you expect. Sometimes we all are put through trials. I like to call them Life Learning Experiences.I too lost both my dearly departed parents at a young age of 33 years of age. What a travesty! My heart and prayers go out to you. Stay strong and positive. Remember love yourself and care for YOU. We live for right now...tomorrow is not promised, my friend. Be kind , gentle and patient. Good things will become of YOU! And will make you a stronger individual. One last comment,. from experience, Trust and Believe. ................
2006-10-26 02:33:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hate to repeat this but... you teach people how to treat you. If you are less available to them they may appreciate what you DO do. Success is the best revenge. Do your own thing , be happy with your boyfriend spend less time with people who make you feel bad in any way. Amagine what you could accomplish if you put your energy into your own life and let them sort out there own.
2006-10-26 01:20:56 · answer #10 · answered by somethingelse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋